sucked in a deep, steadying breath and felt her heart pound against her rib cage. This couldn’t be true! This couldn’t be happening! Not now. She wasn’t prepared for it. She’d dreamed about finding him and telling him about Seb for years, but now that the opportunity was upon her she was terrified.
‘Eva?’
That voice.
Chills trembled down her spine and she felt every single goosebump that prickled her skin.
She could see Sarah glance at her in surprise that somehow Eva knew this man. No doubt there would be an interrogation later, and she’d want all the details, but Eva was mindful that not only was this her workplace but she was a professional—and what business was it of anybody but her?
She dredged up what she hoped was a pleasant smile from somewhere—hoping it didn’t look like a ghastly rictus—and turned around, praying to any god that existed that she didn’t flush like a menopausal woman or look as if she was going to pass out.
Those blue eyes...
‘Jacob! Nice to see you again. It’s been a long time.’
Was her voice as strangled as it sounded to her? She hoped not. She was determined to be as professional as she could be. Professional and distanced. She was at least grateful for the fact that her voice was actually working. She’d felt so trapped and cornered suddenly she was amazed her voice hadn’t disappeared altogether, in a case of phobic aphasia.
She held out her hand for him to shake, as one colleague would to another. He raised a quizzical eyebrow and shook it, smiling that kilowatt smile.
Oh, help...
Eva kept the smile plastered on her face, not knowing what else to do. She had momentous, life-changing news for this man. But how could she tell him? Everyone knew she was a mother—it was bound to be mentioned to him at some point. All she needed was for someone to mention how old Seb was and Jacob would do a little maths, and then—
‘How have you been?’ he asked, smiling, looking her up and down. ‘You look great.’
She lifted her chin and smiled. ‘I’ve been fine. You?’
What had she expected? For him to say that his life had been awful without her? That after their one night he’d dreamed about her the way she had about him? Hah! Jacob Dolan had most likely coped absolutely fine without her!
‘I’ve been good. I can’t believe you actually work here.’
‘Well, I do.’ She struggled to think of something else to say. Something pleasant. Something...neutral. ‘This is Sarah Chambers—another A&E colleague.’
She introduced her friend and Sarah practically melted over him, shaking his hand as if she’d never let go, as if his hand was somehow magically feeding her oxygen or something.
Eva rolled her eyes at her friend’s blatant fawning, and when she could finally stand the overt flirting no longer she deliberately walked between them, so that their handshaking had to be broken off to allow her through.
‘Let me introduce you to everyone.’
Jacob dropped into step beside her. ‘Thanks. So...you’re going to be my new boss?’
She shook her head. No. Definitely not. ‘Dr Clarkson is clinical lead.’
‘How long have you been here?’
‘Since before I met you.’ She grimaced at how easily she’d referred to when they’d met. Now he would be remembering it, too.
She almost stopped walking. Couldn’t believe she’d referred to it. Her stomach became a solid lump of cold ice. Her feet felt as if they were inside concrete boots and walking was like trying to wade through molasses.
How do I tell him?
‘How was Africa?’
There. That was better. Turn the focus back onto him. It gave her time to breathe. Time to think. Time to formulate the answers she knew she’d have to provide.
‘Hot. And dry. But amazing. Life-changing.’
There was something odd in his voice then, and she voluntarily turned to look at him, trying not to be pulled by the lure of those sexy blue eyes that had got her into so much trouble in the first place.
‘It’s been life-changing here, too. But it sounds like you might have a few stories to tell?’
She could tell him a few! About what had happened after he’d left. About the decisions she’d had to make. How she’d done everything alone—as always. But she couldn’t right now. How could she? He’d only just got here. He’d only just arrived. Let the poor guy take his coat off before—
‘I certainly do. We ought to catch up some time.’
He paused briefly, then reached out to catch her arm. Electricity crackled along her skin like a lightning strike.
‘I’m glad you’re here.’
His touch burned her skin and she stared at him in shock before pulling her arm free. Unable to stand his close contact, and the effect it was having on her breathing and pulse rate, she stepped farther away, putting a trolley between them and distracting herself by fiddling with the pressed bed sheets, pillowcases and yellow blankets piled upon it.
She picked up one or two and took great interest in folding and refolding them, giving herself time to recover from his touch. To cool down. For her heart rate to slow.
Time to think of something to say.
How did you tell a man that he was a father? Completely out of the blue?
By the way, you ought to know...you’re a father.
No! She couldn’t say it like that. It wasn’t something you could come straight out with. There had to be some sort of preamble. An introduction.
Jacob? You remember that night we spent together? Look, I know we used protection, but somehow it didn’t work and...
Hmm... That didn’t seem all that marvellous, either.
Jacob...there’s no easy way to say this, so I’m just going to come straight out with it...you’re a father.
‘Let me show you around the department’ was what she came up with.
That was easier. By being professional, by not actually looking at him, she could almost forget...almost pretend he was someone else. A junior, maybe. A complete stranger.
She led him around the Minors area and then into Majors, Resus, Triage, the waiting room, stockrooms, sluice and cubicles, talking nonstop about all kinds of things—hospital policy, staff rotas, tricks to know when dealing with the computer—anything and everything but the one thing she wished she could talk to him about but was afraid to tell him.
She
