wilderness with no map.
David had moved in with Lissa the night he’d been discharged from hospital, and they were now sharing her small one-roomed apartment on the other side of town.
“I’ve decided I’m not going to travel this summer.” Sophie mixed dressing for the salad.
“What? Why? You’ve been looking forward to it.”
“I’m not leaving you.” Sophie tossed the salad violently, as if each leaf had personally offended her. “Unless you’d consider still going to Paris?”
“Alone?”
“Why not?” Sophie rescued a leaf that had landed on the table. “People travel alone all the time.”
Grace hadn’t traveled alone since she was eighteen. All the trips she’d taken in the last twenty-five years had been with David.
Should she feel embarrassed about that? Maybe she should have traveled alone. But why would she when the thought of traveling with David was so much more appealing? And it wasn’t as if they could afford multiple holidays.
“This trip was ridiculously expensive. Even if I cancel the hotel, I’ll still lose a fortune on the flights.”
“Then why cancel? You deserve a treat. I really think you should go, Mom.”
But it wouldn’t be a treat. It would be a cruel reminder of what she’d lost. She’d be imagining how it might have been if they’d done it together. She’d assumed they’d be making memories together. It hadn’t occurred to her that those memories wouldn’t include David.
“Maybe I’ll do something else later in the summer.”
Sophie put the salad in the center of the table. “If you don’t go, I don’t go.”
When had Sophie become this stubborn? “You’ve been planning it for months. Things have changed for me, but they don’t have to change for you.”
“Seriously?” Sophie clattered plates. “My father is sleeping with my friend, and you think things haven’t changed? Everyone at school knows, and most people think it’s disgusting and gross, which, by the way, it totally is. I mean, this is my dad and I’m having to think about—” She shuddered. “Never mind. Teachers keep asking me how I’m doing. Hello, humiliation.”
Every word she spoke inflicted more damage to Grace’s wounded heart.
For the first time in her life she came close to hating David.
“We’ll get through this.” She was surprised by how strong she sounded, and Sophie looked surprised, too.
“I don’t get how you can be so calm.”
“I’m doing my best in difficult circumstances, and that’s all anyone can do. You need to carry on and do all the things you were going to do before this happened.”
Sophie slid into her seat and pushed the salad toward Grace. “No.”
It was scary to acknowledge that a small, needy part of her wanted her daughter to stay home for the summer. Don’t leave me. But she wasn’t going to listen to her inner child.
“We’ll argue about it another time.”
They sat down to eat. Grace was relieved to see Sophie eating normally again. For weeks after David had left, she’d eaten almost nothing.
“I heard Sam is having a party. Are you going?”
“No.” Sophie sliced into chicken. “He’s still with Callie. And don’t look like that, because I don’t even care. I’ve chosen a career over relationships.”
“You can have both.” Grace helped herself to more salad and silently cursed David.
“A career is in your control. I am going to work my butt off in college and get a brilliant job. I am going to shatter that glass ceiling into so many pieces that all the men around me cut their feet on the shards.”
Grace put her fork down. “Don’t let what happened color your view on life. I don’t want you to miss out on love and family because of this.”
Sophie stabbed a piece of chicken. “Would you have married Dad if you’d known this was going to happen? I mean, you’ve been together forever and he’s thrown that away like it’s nothing. Was it even worth it?”
Grace thought back to the beginning of their relationship. The night that had brought them together. She and David were the only ones who knew the exact circumstances. She thought about the happiness they’d shared.
“I would. We had many happy years.” One day, maybe, she’d be able to look back with fondness. “And if I hadn’t met your dad, I wouldn’t have you. Sometimes you’re a pain, of course, but mostly you turned out pretty well.” She was relieved when her daughter threw her a grin.
Sophie stood up to clear the plates and paused, her attention caught by movement outside the window. “Dad is here!”
“No!” Grace stood up, too, heart pounding. “Why?”
“Probably because we didn’t answer the phone.”
The last thing she needed was an impromptu visit from David. It felt as if the universe was testing her, to see how far it could go before she cracked. “Go upstairs and do your homework, Sophie.”
Sophie folded her arms. “I’m not leaving you.” Her father walking out had made her draw closer to her mother. She had chosen a side, even though Grace had been careful not to encourage it.
She didn’t want Sophie to cut David from her life.
He hadn’t mentioned divorce since that awful night back in February, but Grace assumed he was going to raise it again at some point. Whatever happened, he’d always be Sophie’s father.
“Please, Sophie.”
“Mom—”
“Sophie!”
“Fine.” Sophie grabbed her laptop and headed for the stairs. “I don’t want to see him anyway.”
Grace thought about all the times Sophie had listened for her father coming home. She’d race through the house, filling it with her joyful yells, Daddy, Daddy.
She opened the door, hating the fact that she felt nervous. It seemed unjust that she should be the one feeling that way.
It had been weeks since she’d seen him, and her first thought was that he didn’t look like himself.
David was always clean-shaven, but today his jaw was darkened by stubble. On another man it might have looked as if he hadn’t bothered to shave, but on him it looked annoyingly good. The touches of gray in his hair looked good on him, too. He was broad shouldered and solid. The kind of man people leaned on in a crisis. She’d leaned on him. She wanted to lean on him now, but as he was the cause of this current crisis that impulse made
