go to her in a few days,” Heather assured her. “You, too, if you want to come.” She sighed. “Although right now I have a new baby at home. I’m not sure how she feels about that. She says all the right things, but I’ve seen the stricken look on her face when she has to be around the baby.”
“So have I,” Shanna said. She and Carrie’s uncle Kevin had just had another child, as well. “She skipped the whole christening and the party afterward. She had an excuse, but it was pretty flimsy.”
“It must just about kill her to be around all these babies in our family,” Bree said. “But we can’t feel guilty about it. All we can do is try to be understanding and supportive.”
Carrie sat back in her seat and sighed, thinking of Sam and how he’d become a dad when he least expected it. Did he appreciate what a gift that was? Maybe in time he would, but right now there was little question that he was struggling with it. And there was Susie, desperate to hold a child of her own, but running out of options. Life sometimes truly was unfair. Nell would assure them all that God had a plan, but Carrie sure wished He’d let them all in on it.
* * *
Mack was at his wit’s end. Susie had been sitting on the deck of their home on Beach Lane for hours, staring out at the bay and clutching the handmade baby quilt she’d bought at Heather’s shop.
He’d known when she’d brought it home that the quilt was a bad idea and that painting the nursery and buying a boatload of baby clothes were even worse ideas, but Susie hadn’t been deterred. She’d believed with every fiber of her being that this time they were going to get their child, a daughter, according to Connor’s former associate in Baltimore, the lawyer handling the arrangements.
“Babe, come inside,” he begged. “You need some sleep.”
She shook her head. “Not yet.”
“You were out here all night.” He knew because he’d awakened to an empty bed. He’d checked on her half a dozen times during the night, but she’d refused to come back to bed.
Heaving a resigned sigh, Mack brought his coffee and joined her on the deck, ignoring the look that told him she’d prefer to go right on being alone.
He set the coffee aside, then pulled his chair close enough to reach for her hand. Even though it was a warm morning, her hand was like ice and trembled in his, but at least she didn’t pull away.
Susie was the bravest, most courageous woman he’d ever known. He’d never seen her this defeated, not even when she’d been battling cancer and sickened by chemo and radiation. She’d had her share of down moments, her doubts about her future, but this was different. There was a steely resolve behind her decision to give up, one that left little room for argument or hope.
“I love you,” he told her, holding on tight, willing her to draw on his strength.
She turned and gave him a vague smile. “I know.”
“Are you ready to talk about this?”
Once again she shook her head. “What is there to talk about?”
“What we’re going to do next,” he suggested.
“Nothing,” she said flatly. “It’s over.”
“It’s only over if we give up.”
“Well, that’s what I’m doing. I’m giving up.” She turned and gave him an earnest look. “I can’t go through this again, Mack. Now I have some idea of how women feel after miscarriages. They carry this little baby inside of them, inside their hearts, even if only for a few weeks, and then it’s over. There’s no baby to hold.”
“The right baby will come along,” he insisted, though he knew no such thing. “Or we could look into an older child adoption. Think of all the children who need loving families, kids who’ve bounced around in foster care. We could open our hearts and our home to them. Maybe that’s what we’re meant to do.”
Susie closed her eyes and, he suspected, her ears, to block out his words. “I can’t do it, Mack. Please don’t hate me, but I can’t.”
Mack wasn’t sure what to say. Susie had always been more certain about parenthood than he was. It had been her dream and, because he loved her so blasted deeply, he’d wanted to give her that, no matter how the child came into their lives. He could accept her decision and move on, but he knew in his heart the day would come when she’d regret it. Maybe he needed to accept her decision for now, then bring this up again when this latest wound wasn’t so fresh.
She glanced his way. “Have you heard from Sam? How’s he coping with losing his sister?”
“He’s doing okay, I think,” Mack said, relieved to have her show an interest in something, even if she was only doing it to change the subject. “The accident came as a terrible shock, but there’s more. He’s reeling, in fact.”
Real interest sparked in her eyes. “Why? What else happened?”
“His sister and brother-in-law named him guardian of their son, a six-year-old boy.”
Shock spread across her face. “Sam’s a dad? Just like that?”
Mack hesitated, sensing that the news had stirred envy as much as surprise. He should have considered that and kept quiet, but it was out there now.
“It was a shock to him, too,” Mack reported. “He said he’d tell me more when he got back to town. I think he was hoping to make it by last night. I imagine he’ll check in later today. I told him to take as long as he needs. We can manage okay at the paper for another week, if he needs that long to deal with the situation. Even longer, if need be.”
That vacant stare returned to Susie’s eyes. “Sam has a son,” she murmured. “Of all people.”
“Hey,” Mack protested. “Sam’s a good guy.”
“I suppose so. He’s a talented web designer, for sure, and a tech genius to hear you tell it, but come on, Mack, do you really see him as dad material?”
“I’m the last person to ask about that. I don’t know what it takes to be a good father.”
“Reliability’s a good place to start,” she said.
“Sam is reliable.”
“He left you in the lurch right after he started on the job,” she said, a critical note in her voice.
“Babe, his sister and brother-in-law were killed. Did you expect him not to attend the funeral?”
“Well, he hasn’t exactly settled down, has he? He’s still living at the inn.”
Mack suspected she was uttering these judgments for a reason, one he didn’t particularly like. “He’d only been here a couple of weeks, hardly enough time to find a house or even an apartment,” he said, defending Sam. “Where are you going with this, Suze?”
“How many jobs has he held over the past few years? Three? Four? What kind of man does that?” she asked without responding to his question about her motives.
“Someone
