If you would just...”
She paused, not sure what he should just do. It occurred to her, perhaps a tad late, that there were things about his life she didn’t know.
“Not that I’m an expert,” she added quietly.
“What do you know about my past?” he asked. “About my family?”
He didn’t seem to be challenging her. Rather he wanted to know how much she’d overheard, been told and figured out on her own.
“I know what your dad did. That he had an affair years ago and you’re the result. I know you thought you and Mathias were fraternal twins and then you found out you weren’t. I know he didn’t tell anyone that you knew, so the two of you had to deal with it by yourself.”
“That sums it up,” he told her, cupping his mug in both hands and watching the marshmallows melt. “My father is a difficult man. He’s gifted, cruel and selfish. Everything is about him. No one else matters. Not us, not his wife, Elaine—just him.”
He glanced at her. “As you said, I’m the result. I was born a few weeks after Mathias. For reasons I can’t explain or understand, when my birth mother gave me up, Elaine agreed to raise me as her own son. They told everyone Mathias and I were fraternal twins. That’s how we were raised and what we believed. Elaine never hinted otherwise.”
He kept saying Elaine. “You mean your mom.”
His gaze hardened. “She’s not my mother. She’s the woman who raised me.”
As far as Natalie was concerned, that was the same thing. “Okay,” she said slowly. “So your dad dumped this on you and then you had to deal on your own.” She hated to speak ill of someone she’d met for five seconds a year ago, but the man sounded like a butthead. Yes, he’d thought he was dying from a heart attack when he’d blurted out the truth, but what about after? Why hadn’t he gone back to his sons and explained things better? It made her furious to think about.
“I’m sorry it happened, but I’m glad you and Mathias moved here,” she said.
“I moved here. Mathias decided to come with me. I thought being somewhere else would help and it did for a while. Now, I don’t know.” He angled toward her.
“Everything is different. I’m not who I thought. I don’t know where I come from. Ceallach is so much worse than you’re imagining. I always thought I had Elaine to offset that. She’s misguided in her devotion to my father, but otherwise a decent person. Now there’s nothing in me but him.”
“You’ve never met your birth mother?”
“No.”
“Don’t you want to?”
“No. She dumped me and ran. I don’t need to meet her to know what she’s like.”
Natalie touched his arm. “Don’t say that. She was young and scared. You need to find out who she is and why she did what she did. That could change everything.”
“I know enough.”
“You’re stubborn. Just like Elsa.”
One corner of his mouth twitched. “You’re not going to let me wallow in this, are you?”
“I’m not going to stop you. I enjoy a good wallow as much as the next person. I’d just like to point out that, so far, it hasn’t helped very much. You should talk to someone.”
He drew back. “Like who?”
“You know, to a therapist. Someone who could give you perspective and help you brainstorm ways to handle this. You’re too brilliant not to be working. I’m guessing you don’t really need the money, but that’s not what’s important. Creating is who you are. Without that, I’m not sure you can be happy. I know I couldn’t be and I’m nowhere near as talented. You need to learn to open your heart, Ronan. Or you’re going to be trapped in your emotional ice kingdom forever.”
He groaned. “That’s another Frozen reference, isn’t it?”
She smiled. “Admit it. You find me totally charming.”
Figuring she’d pushed her luck about as far as she could, she lightly kissed his cheek, then rose and reached for her mug.
“Night, Ronan.”
He watched her go without speaking. When she reached the doorway, she turned back and he was still looking at her. For a second she hoped he would come after her, take her in his arms and give her a hearty kissing. Or maybe more. Instead he didn’t say anything and she was left with the uncomfortable sensation of wanting someone who probably didn’t see her that way at all.
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