Just let it free.” He turned toward her just as she looked up at him.
“Damn,” he muttered but reached down anyway and fingered a loose tendril. “Your hair is so touchable.”
The compliment reached down inside her and warmed all of the cold places where Richard’s put-downs had hurt most. She hadn’t been admired for being a woman for a long time. And Jared’s words felt good, but they also warned her that chemistry between them couldn’t be stifled easily, maybe couldn’t be stifled at all.
He proved that when he slowly ran his thumb over her cheek. She could have stood there all night letting him touch her and he looked as if he wouldn’t mind doing it.
“Maybe we’d better get back,” she said softly, knowing that was the safer thing to do.
“Maybe we should,” he agreed almost reluctantly.
“I want to stop in and see Leanne and her baby,” she reminded him.
He nodded and they turned around to return the same way they’d come. This time they walked in silence, the current that Jared’s touch had created zinging back and forth between them.
What was it about this man that made her feel wild and passionate and free? How long had it been since she really felt free? Yet it was more than the sexual current between them she was attracted to. There was a gentleness about him when he dealt with his daughters. That was as sexy as his tall Texan look, his broad shoulders and his hungry kisses. Yet she could tell by his restraint when he’d ended them that he didn’t intend to get more involved with her.
Why was she so drawn toward him when her marriage had turned out badly? Didn’t she remember Richard’s concern for his own reputation rather than what she was going through? She’d felt so raw when he hadn’t comforted her. She’d felt so separate when he’d gone to cocktail parties and left her with the stress of the lawsuit. She’d felt so alone during much of her marriage. When her divorce had been finalized, she knew she’d rather be alone than risk being abandoned again.
But then she’d met Jared. He’d awakened every sensation she’d thought she’d put to sleep.
As they rose in the elevator to the maternity and nursery floor, he admitted, “Courtney and Amy miss you.”
“I miss them.” Amy’s smile, Courtney’s hug had made her feel as if her heart was expanding. Before her interaction with them, she hadn’t realized how much she wanted to be a mom.
“Any luck with the nanny search?”
“I don’t want just anyone. I want someone who can take care of the twins as if they were her own.”
Emily knew exactly what he meant. It was obvious when adults were pretending to like children and when they really liked them. She and Francesca and Tessa really liked kids. They could all spend an afternoon with Vince and Tessa’s little boy, Sean, and their little girl, Natalie, and have a roaring good time. And Emily loved stopping by the toy store to buy them gifts.
Jared led her to the nursery, first checking in with the chief nurse at the desk. They used their security cards to access the nursery. After they donned sterile gowns, masks and caps, they walked past the little cribs, some fitted with blue bedding, some with pink. Emily wanted to pause at each one of them to just stare and appreciate each miracle of life. That’s what these babies were—miracles—each and every one of them.
“Do you stop in here often?” Jared asked her as he waited for her in front of a baby girl’s crib. Leanne and her husband, John, had named their little girl Olivia. He picked up the sleeping baby and cuddled her in his long arm.
“Every time one of our patients has a baby.”
He glanced at her, held her gaze for a moment. “You want to see the pregnancy to its conclusion.”
Yes, she so much wanted to. She so much wanted to be a midwife again. That was really seeing a pregnancy to its conclusion. It was almost doing what Jared did. There was nothing in the world like it. But now she had doubts about her judgment. She had doubts about why a baby had died under her care. The Wilsons’ lawyer had looked back at previous pregnancies and pointed out another patient that Emily had, at the last minute, sent to the hospital for a cesarean. After hours of testimony, and the investigation by the licensing board, the attorney had her believing she’d missed something there. By the time Richard had doubted she was the same woman he married, she hadn’t been sure of her judgment in making any decision and taking care of anyone, let alone being the professional she’d always wanted to be.
But now, consulting with Jared during a woman’s pregnancy was almost as good. She didn’t want anything to jeopardize the happiness she’d found again in her work.
“When I listen to the heartbeat of a baby in a mom’s womb,” she responded, her voice betraying her emotions, “I can’t wait to see who that little being is going to be. Don’t you feel that way?”
His gaze passed over her, assessing what she’d asked. “I’ve never looked at it like that, but I suppose I do. I can’t wait to catch that infant in my hands, let the parents know what they’ve created together and see which parent’s features that baby has. For most couples, one of the happiest moments in their marriage is when their baby is born. I like being part of that.”
She knew exactly what he meant, but she couldn’t tell him she knew. She couldn’t tell him she had delivered babies, too. She’d come across some doctors, some obstetricians who had looked at midwives, who had looked at her, as if she belonged in a medieval time—especially the midwives who attended home births. Jared couldn’t be one of those doctors, could he?
Even if he was accepting of midwives, even though she’d been judged not guilty of any malpractice, the lawsuit had left a shadow that hung over her professional reputation. Maybe it always would.
“Do you want to hold her?” he asked, his eyes twinkling at Emily over his mask.
“I’d love to hold her,” she replied softly.
As he transferred the baby to Emily’s arms, they almost embraced. Jared’s large hand supported the baby’s head and brushed against her almost intimately as he laid Olivia in her arms. Emily went still inside as she concentrated on the precious bundle. Jared’s hand slipped away. Cuddling the newborn, Emily crooned to her, welcoming her into the world.
The infant yawned and her pink, little lips settled into a perfect bow.
“Do you want children of your own someday?” Jared asked.
“I do,” she answered truthfully, but then realized she didn’t have to bear an infant to be a mother. She’d be perfectly happy mothering Jared’s daughters.
The thought stopped her cold. She hadn’t realized she was falling for Jared so completely. She hadn’t realized how his twins had captured her heart.
She’d better not weave fantasies and dreams. He didn’t want an involvement. She shouldn’t take the risk.
Just as Emily laid Olivia back in her crib, a knot forming in her throat, Jared’s pager went off. He checked the number. “It’s my mother’s surgeon. I’m going to go outside to call.”
She watched Jared as he hurried into the anteroom, as he stripped off the protective gown and
