Was she ill? Dear God, had something happened to Bridget? Panic nearly stopped his heart. “God, what’s wrong? Is it Bridget?”
He knelt beside her chair and put an arm around her shoulders to hug her to him—and she exploded out of the chair halfway across the kitchen.
“Don’t,” she said between sobs. “Just—don’t.” She fumbled in a drawer for a tissue then turned away, her shoulders shaking with misery. “Bridget’s fine.”
A huge wave of relief swamped him momentarily, only to rush back as he realized she hadn’t told him anything about herself. “Then what is it? Are you…” He could barely bear to utter the word. “Sick?”
She whipped back around at that, immediately grasping what he was asking. Her mother had gotten sick and died; so had his. “Oh, no, Wade. There’s nothing wrong with me.”
Except that there was. Her eyes were swollen from crying, her nose pink. She blotted her eyes and blew her nose while he stood. “Then…what?” he finally managed to ask.
She tried to smile, but her lips trembled and she quickly abandoned the effort. “I can’t marry you.”
What? “Why?” It was the most obvious question and he was too confused to think of a better one.
She sighed. “I just can’t. It wouldn’t be fair.”
Fair to whom? “What the hell are you talking about?” Heat rose. He knew his tone was too rough, too angry, but—”Dammit, you scared me half to death! I thought something happened to Bridget or you. And now you tell me you won’t marry me but you won’t tell me why?”
A brittle silence followed the furious torrent of words, but she didn’t speak, merely stood there with her eyes averted. And in her stance he read determination. He knew Phoebe and he knew that posture.
But what—? It hit him then. Stunned, he sank into the chair she’d bolted from. “It’s because of Melanie, isn’t it?”
She sucked in a sharp breath and nodded, and he saw a tear trickle down her cheek.
“Lord God above,” he said quietly. Silence reigned again as he absorbed the information. He’d wondered—no, he’d feared—for more than a year, that she blamed him for Melanie’s death. It had kept him from contacting her after the first time they’d made love, and it had cost him the first months of his child’s life.
When he’d finally decided to try to talk to her about it, she had been gone. And after he’d found her, after he’d learned about Bridget, his guilt had taken a backseat while he had adjusted to fatherhood and pretended that everything was fine and that Phoebe would love him and that they’d spend the rest of their lives together.
He scrubbed his hands over his face and looked down at the table, unable to stand seeing the pity and regret he knew he would see in her eyes.
A letter lay on the table and his name caught his eye. His first name, anyway. As he scanned it, he realized what it was. The foundation to which he’d made the donation in memory of Melanie had sent a thank-you note.
“I opened it by accident.” Phoebe’s tone was flat.
“I thought it would be a meaningful wedding gift.”
“A wedding gift?”
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I know there’s nothing I can say to ever make it up to you—”
“You don’t have to—”
“—and if it helps any, I will never forgive myself for letting Melanie die. If I’d been quicker, I’d have caught her. I’ve relived that night a thousand times and I know why you blame me.” He halted for a moment. “I blame myself, so why shouldn’t I expect you to?”
“Wade—”
“Don’t.” His shoulders slumped. “Just tell me what you want me to do now. Do you want me to leave?” His voice broke. “I will. I hope that you’ll let me see Bridget sometimes, but I won’t push—”
“Wade!”
At the volume and pitch of her voice, he finally stopped talking abruptly for the first time since she’d shoved away from his embrace.
Looking at the anguished set of his features, hearing the pain in his voice, she suddenly realized what he was thinking. It had nothing to do with lost love. He was blaming himself for Melanie’s death! A tidal wave of shock, confusion and compassion crashed over her head and she forgot about her own pain.
“Wade,” she said. He didn’t look at her and she said it again, crossing to the table and touching his arm. “Wade, look at me.”
Slowly, he lifted his gaze to hers and she was astounded by the pleading look in his eyes.
“I don’t blame you,” she whispered. She knelt on the floor beside his chair. “I’ve never blamed you. Melanie was impulsive. She had an ornery streak a mile wide. Her heart was that big, too, most of the time. She had been drinking. Neither one of us is responsible for what happened that night.” She paused and put a hand to his face. “I don’t blame you,” she said again, urgently, as the look on his face eased fractionally.
“Then why?” He swallowed. “Why won’t you marry me? God, Phoebe, I know I was a slow learner, but I realized that night at the dance that you were what had been missing from my life.” He averted his eyes. “I took advantage of you after the funeral. I have no excuse, except that I had finally figured out that I loved you and I couldn’t have walked away from you then any more than I could have stopped breathing.”
He stopped speaking again then, and the only sound in the room was his harsh breathing and the hitching breaths she still took in the aftermath of her storm of tears.
Phoebe was frozen, his words hammering at her brain but not making sense. At least, not making sense in her current framework of reality.
“Phoebe?”
She sank down onto her heels and he looked alarmed. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have—”
“You love me?”
He stopped. Searched her eyes, his own incredulous. “You didn’t know?” He snorted. “I thought the whole damned world could see it.”
“I didn’t know,” she confirmed. “I thought—believed that you still…”
“Melanie?”
She nodded. “When I saw the letter, I thought you’d done it because you still missed her, and that it was an accident that it came to this address.”
“Oh, sweetheart, no.” He put his hands beneath her elbows and stood, lifting her to her feet. “It was supposed to make you happy. I wanted to do something special to commemorate our marriage.” He paused, looking down at her and she could see him choosing his words with care. “My feelings for your sister were only a crush. Infatuation. Mel and I weren’t well suited. You surely could see that. We were over long before that reunion and I never regretted it.”
As their eyes
