I’m not sure that was the answer he wanted.
‘As long as you know that you don’t have to,’ he said at last. ‘You do what you feel like. Nothing else. There’s no need to put up with any funny business. This isn’t The Silverado.’
‘I know,’ I said, warmed by his consideration. ‘But I should act as if everything is normal, and on a trip like this everyone dances with everyone.’
‘They don’t give everyone the come-on, as you were in the pool this morning,’ he observed, sounding slightly testy.
‘But they do. On a cruise there’s no other way to pass the time except giving people the come-on.’
‘Just don’t overdo it,’ he said darkly, tucking my hand through his arm. ‘Let’s go.’
Even Jack had to admit that my methods were effective. Neither Derek nor Harry was allowed near me by their possessive womenfolk. They were in heaven. I don’t think either of them had ever received so much attention before.
The one who really hovered over me was Raymond. During a dance he insisted on telling me all about himself—how he expected to take over Consolidated, how much business he and Jack did, how rich he was, how rich he expected to be. I could have sat an exam on Raymond Keller.
The more he talked, the more my brief liking for him faded. Heavens, but he was a bore! Give me Jack any day, with his lightness of touch and refusal to take himself seriously.
When Jack and I were dancing he said, ‘Raymond’s very taken with you.’
‘Don’t I know it,’ I said grumpily. ‘My ears are aching. Doesn’t he ever talk about anyone except himself?’
‘I don’t think he knows there is anyone except himself. ’
We laughed together and it was like being back at the Hotel de Paris, when we’d chatted for hours and known each other better in that short time than some people do in a lifetime.
The music was smoochy. He drew me close, so that my head rested on his shoulder, and dropped his own head, turning it slightly into my neck so that his lips brushed my skin.
It was physically exciting, and added to my frustration that I couldn’t have him. But it was also strangely cosy. The warmth that swept me was contentment. I could gladly nestle against him like this for ever.
Only it wasn’t going to be for ever. Another week. Perhaps less. Already I felt more in tune with him than was wise, but I knew I couldn’t be wise. Not with Jack. There was all the rest of my life for wisdom.
And sadness. And loneliness. And being grey and dreary, and knowing that the best and loveliest was behind me.
At last the party broke up and we went down to our cabins.
That kiss in the pool had confirmed something about Jack that I’d started to guess. He was far more complex than he seemed. However it looked, he was always actually in control. Last night had proved it.
Tonight I watched for the ominous signs, determined to get my retaliation in first. The sight of the pillow, firmly placed in the centre of the bed, decided me. I bagged the first bath and emerged yawning.
‘I’m so tired,’ I said. ‘I just want to sleep for an age. Goodnight.’
Not giving him time to say a word, I rolled into bed, pulled the sheet over my head and lay there.
That would show him!
We stopped one night in Cagliari, in southern Sardinia, and explored the old town while the boat took on supplies. I did a bit of shopping with Jenny, who was still watching Jack and me, thrilled by what she took to be our progress.
‘I’m so glad he found you,’ she said as we sat over coffee. ‘I just know you’re the one for him.’
‘Don’t be so sure,’ I said, trying to resist the enchanting picture this conjured up.
‘You’ve saved him. But for you, Selina would have had him on toast.’
‘I don’t think so,’ I said, suddenly realising the truth. ‘Jack seems easy-going, but I think he’s very stubborn underneath.’
Jenny considered this and nodded. ‘Good for you. It takes most people ages to learn that. You really understand him.’
I had to force myself to bring the conversation to an end. I was enjoying it too much.
When we were back on board Jack ceremoniously presented me with a cheque.
‘Your first week’s pay,’ he said. ‘And every penny well earned.’
I tucked it away, ready to be cashed as soon as we reached England, thinking how many problems it would solve
After Cagliari, we made a brief stop in Barcelona, then began to head home. A different mood was creeping over everyone. People who had come on the cruise with something in mind began to sense that time was running out. It was now or never. Perhaps that was why Jack kept me closer than ever.
Or perhaps he was keeping an eye on Raymond, who was drinking too much and making a great play of flirting with two women at once. I was never one of them.
There was another dance. I played my part for a while, then slipped away because the atmosphere was stuffy and I needed to breathe. I found a quiet place on deck and stood by the rail, looking out over the water, with the wash stretching away into the darkness.
That would be my life after this, I thought, leading away into a distance that I could not fathom. The only thing I knew for certain was that Jack would not be a part of it. And I knew now that without him it would mean nothing.
‘So there you are,’ he said, coming up behind me.
‘I just came out for some fresh air.’
‘Good idea. I’ll be glad when we reach Southampton in a few days.’
A few days! Then it would all be over, and he was looking forward to it. But I’d known the terms from the start, and I wasn’t going to complain now.
‘You’re not planning to desert me as soon as we land, I hope,’ were his next words. ‘We’ll have to stay together a while or the others will smell a rat.’
‘I can manage a while,’ I said, trying not to look too idiotically joyful.
‘A few weeks?’
‘Yes, probably.’
‘But not certainly? Do you have other appointments?’
‘You could put it that way,’ I said cautiously.
He took my hands. ‘We’ll get rid of the others and go to my apartment in town. I still officially share a roof with Grace, but I insist on my own place, where I can relax. Your being there will give me the perfect excuse to move in full time.’
So it was still very much a business arrangement.
