remembering her mother’s tears.
“So,” her mother said calmly. “What’s new?”
“Oh, Mom. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for you to find out that way.”
“Did you mean for me to find out at all? You’re pregnant, Julie, and you didn’t tell me.”
Naomi was slim, pretty and not yet fifty. Yet suddenly, she looked older than Julie had ever seen her. Her blue eyes were dark with emotion, but hurt rather than anger.
“I’m sorry,” Julie repeated. “I was going to, I just didn’t know how to say the words. I didn’t plan this. In fact I messed up big time.”
“Did you think I’d judge you?” her mother asked. “When have I ever done that?”
Julie shifted uncomfortably on the chair. “I don’t usually screw up like this.”
“Then you’ll need some help getting through it. What happened?”
“I went on the date with Todd.”
Her mother shook her head. “I thought you girls had decided not to do that.”
“We had, but it seemed so important to Ruth and it was only one date.” Julie stopped. “Mom, no one blames you for what happened with your mother.”
Ruth had not approved of Naomi’s relationship with Jack Nelson. When Naomi had run off with him, Ruth had cut her daughter out of her life.
“I appreciate that. I don’t blame myself either. So the baby is Todd’s?”
“Not exactly.” Julie explained how Ryan had taken Todd’s place and how she’d been swept away. “He wanted to teach me a lesson. He was playing me for a fool. Now he says he’s sorry and he thinks we should try to have a relationship. Honestly, how can I ever trust the guy?”
Her mother was quiet for a few seconds. “I don’t know if you can. Do you want to?”
Did she? “Maybe. Sometimes. I don’t know. We’re having a baby together—there’s a complication.” Julie stopped and smiled. “Mom, I’m having a baby.”
Her mother moved close and hugged her. “I know. How do you feel? Are you happy?”
Julie leaned back and touched her arm. “I am thrilled beyond words. I never thought about having kids except in the abstract, but now that I’m pregnant, I’m really excited. I want this child. I can’t believe how much.”
“You were never one to explore your softer side,” her mother said. “You always felt you had to be in charge and take care of everyone else. There wasn’t a whole lot of energy left over for you to think about yourself. I’m glad you want the baby. You’re going to be a wonderful mother.”
The unexpected praise made her eyes fill with tears.
“Thanks,” she murmured, feeling awkward and grateful at the same time. “You’re my role model. You did great with us. We can’t have been easy, what with you on your own.”
As soon as she said the words, she wanted to call them back.
“I wasn’t on my own,” her mother said. “Your father was here.”
“A few weeks a year,” Julie said before she could stop herself. “Mom, come on. I know you love him, but he wasn’t a good husband or a good father.”
Her mother bristled. “He’s still your father. You will talk about him with respect.”
“Why? I don’t get it. I’ve never understood why you let him come and go as he pleases.”
“It’s your father’s nature. He’s restless. But that doesn’t make him a bad man.”
“It doesn’t make him a good one either.”
Julie wondered why she bothered. They’d had this same discussion a hundred times before. She would never understand how her mother could give her heart to a man who thought so little of her that he would disappear for months at a time. Then he’d return with gifts and wild stories, staying just long enough to convince everyone that this time was different, that this time he would stay. Only he never did.
Julie had stopped believing in him a long time ago but her mother led with her heart.
“He’s not a man to be tied down,” her mother said quietly. “I’ve accepted that. I wish you could. This will always be his home and I will always be his wife.”
“I can’t do that. I can’t understand him and I won’t forgive him.”
“Having a child changes you,” her mother told her. “It changes everything.”
Julie knew it wouldn’t change her enough to see her father’s view of the world, but that didn’t matter. She shifted the subject to something less divisive.
“Ryan thinks we should get married,” she said.
“What do you think?”
“That he’s crazy. We’ve had one date. Okay, it went really well until he admitted he was a lying rat, but that’s not enough to build a life on.” She looked at her mother. “You’re going to tell me I should marry him, aren’t you?”
“I’m going to say that he’s your baby’s father and that you need to meet him at least halfway.”
“What if I don’t want to?”
Her mother smiled. “That’s mature. I’m so proud.”
“Mo-om.”
“Julie, life is about compromise. What Ryan did was wrong. If he’s really the jerk you say, then why is he going to all this trouble to convince you he’s sorry? Jerks don’t bother with things like that. And how is marrying you a win for him? If he was only interested in the victory, he’s already slept with you.”
“Ouch.”
“I’m just saying that men who are into the conquest for the sake of numbers don’t hang around. He’s hung around. He says he wants to be a father to his child. That’s not a bad thing. You don’t have to marry him. You don’t have to do anything. But you might want to think about getting to know him. Start there and see where it goes. Maybe he’s secretly a good man.”
“You think?” Julie asked. “With my luck?”
Her mother’s words made sense, but Julie so didn’t want to go there. She wanted to stay mad. It was safer. Getting to know Ryan meant putting herself at risk. What if she started to believe in him? He would only hurt her.
“Not every man is Garrett,” her mother said.
“You want to bet?”
Eight
Ryan lived in a high rise condo that was all glass and steel. Julie was sure there had to be more
