she dealt with matters and he put himself back together.
‘Thank you for the handkerchief,’ she said at last.
He turned to look at her. She was still pink, her hair tumbling wildly about her shoulders, her eyes uncertain.
‘Are you all right?’ He’d hurt her, and the knowledge ate at him.
‘I— Yes.’
He swallowed. ‘Sweetheart, it will get better. It was only because it was your first time. I should have waited—if I’d known—’ He broke off, realising what he’d implied.
‘But...you did know.’ Then, with dawning horror, ‘Didn’t you?’
He shut his eyes. He could only hope that when his wits returned from wherever they’d gone begging he would know what to do with them.
* * *
The truth crashed over Maddy. He had thought she wasn’t a virgin.
‘You believed Edward,’ she whispered. It felt like breathing broken glass. ‘How could you think that I would have let him—?’
‘I thought he probably hadn’t given you much choice,’ said Ash, his voice very quiet. ‘Maddy, it wouldn’t have been your fault.’
‘But you thought I’d deceived you.’ She dragged in a breath. ‘That I hadn’t told you.’
‘Damn it, Maddy!’ His voice was tight. ‘I didn’t think you’d deceived me, just that—’
He reached for her, but she jerked back. ‘No. Don’t touch me. Why did you marry me if you thought—?’
‘That he’d forced you?’ The ugly word was matched by his harsh voice. ‘To protect you, of course!’
‘Even though you thought I was deliberately deceiving you?’ Bitterness welled up. ‘You must really have wanted Haydon.’
Grey eyes narrowed to blazing slits. His hands shot out, gripped her shoulders, forcing a gasp from her.
‘You were the one who changed the settlements, Maddy,’ he ground out. ‘My version left Haydon entirely in your hands. Is that the action of a man who wanted your property? And I didn’t see it as deception! You were trying to protect your home, your people.’ He let out a breath, releasing her, and said quietly, ‘I didn’t like it, but I understood.’
She couldn’t think. Logic was beyond her, so she didn’t answer at all. Instead, fingers trembling with hurt, fury, a nameless ferment of emotion, Maddy fumbled with the hairpins remaining to her and forced some order into her unruly locks. She snatched her bonnet up and jammed it back on, but the bonnet ribbons defeated her.
‘Here.’
Ash reached over and she pulled back as his fingers grazed her throat, flinching at the leap of her pulse.
‘Sit still and I’ll tie them for you.’
His voice was harsh. Wonderful. Not only did he think her capable of deceiving him, he thought her incapable of putting on a simple bonnet. She sat still, shutting her eyes to block out the sight of him so close to her.
* * *
Snow swirled down in great soft flakes as the carriage rumbled through the main gate into the outer bailey. A shout went up and a lad dashed out to help as the horses drew to a halt.
The door opened and Brady looked in. ‘Here y’are. I’ll get that.’ He bent and set the steps down, and stood back, holding the door. ‘Welcome, m’lord.’ He cast a glance at the flakes drifting down from the leaden sky. ‘I’d say yeh made it just in time.’
Maddy bit her lip. It probably wasn’t quite the decorous formality Ash was used to in a ducal household, but he just smiled, as if they hadn’t travelled the last mile in a frozen silence, and stepped down.
‘Thank you, Brady.’
‘Yeh’re welcome, m’lord.’
Ash held out his hands for Maddy. She made to put her hands in his to step down, but he set his hands to her waist.
‘Ash! No, I’m too—’
She was lifted with an effortless strength that bobbled the breath from her lungs, and found herself cradled in his arms. Heat curled and tightened in her belly, tingled beneath her skin as his knowing gaze caressed her.
‘Too what, my lady?’ he challenged her, and strode towards the inner bailey. He crossed it without hesitation and made straight for the stairs.
At the foot of the stairs lay an enormous log, and Maddy’s heart leaped. She looked over her shoulder at Brady bringing up the rear. ‘Is that—?’
‘The Yule log, m’lady.’ His grin lit his face. ‘Didn’t think we’d miss that, did yeh?’
She swallowed. ‘We weren’t going to bother.’ There had seemed no point, with Edward taking possession the day after Twelfth Night.
If Ash hadn’t married me, we’d all be packing.
‘But things is different now,’ said Brady. ‘Go on up, m’lord and lady. They’re waitin’ for yeh.’
Maddy gulped. ‘Ash, hadn’t I better walk—?’
‘Save your breath and don’t wriggle,’ he advised. His arms tightened and he started up.
* * *
Ash trod carefully up the stairs, Maddy’s slight weight in his arms a blessed distraction from the guilt. Greet her people, thank them, and then they could be private over dinner while he sorted out the mess he’d made of everything.
Cheers erupted around them as he stepped across the threshold, Maddy still in his arms, and he stood stock-still, blinking. The great hall, which had been dim and peaceful that last time he was here, was full of people. A fire blazed in the hearth, all the wall sconces were lit and several branches of candles shimmered on the refectory table.
The hall breathed, simply shouted, Christmas is come! Ivy hung everywhere in great swathes and festoons, twisted among the roof beams. Holly, its berries gleaming scarlet, surrounded the windows, was even draped artistically around the old swords by the fireplace. Pots of rosemary stood here and there, and the vanilla fragrance of bays drifted on the air.
From the stairs leading down to the kitchen, other fragrances wafted up. Fragrances that made him realise breakfast had been a very long time ago. And the candles—candles everywhere. In the window embrasures, glimmering on an old oak coffer. Light and joy everywhere, dancing and glowing in the eyes of Haydon’s people.
One look at Maddy’s dazed eyes, suddenly bright with tears, told him she was just as surprised as he was.
He looked around.
‘Go on, m’lord,’ urged Brady.
Ash obliged, walking farther in the hall.
