the worst would happen, just like you always do. Instead of telling me why you wanted a different relationship, you went from being my—”
“Designated driver. I got you from bar to bar and back to my place every time you came to New York. I couldn’t be that woman anymore when a child depended on me. I had to do the right thing for Ben, and you told me plainly that you couldn’t.”
Owen froze, but his gaze cut her. “You knew everything about me, and all the while you kept your own secrets. You asked me to change because I wasn’t good enough to be a father to my own child.”
He was right that she only let people see the parts of her she wanted them to see. “You won’t believe this, but I didn’t hurt you on purpose.”
He laughed, but he clearly found nothing about her funny. “You thought denying me my son—denying him his father—was the right thing for all of us?”
“I hoped there was a chance you’d understand if you ever found out.” She scooped a dish towel off the counter and folded it, creasing each corner. “You saw my brother just before Thanksgiving. He said you were still drinking. Excessively.”
He chose to ignore the comment about his drinking. “Did you really think I’d find out about Ben and think—well that’s a mistake anyone could make? What’s four years to a father and son?” His despair was a living thing that snaked around her as he pushed his fists into the pockets of his jeans. “I don’t even understand the way you think.” He straightened, seeming to reach a decision. “You forget I know how much you hate reporters bringing up the subject of ‘Little Lost Lilah.’ Either give me time with my son, or I’ll deliver that secret of yours to every news station.”
He had her weakness in his hip pocket. The media had loved her story when she was five. Little Lost Lilah. Abducted from her parents in broad daylight but brave and smart enough to run away from her kidnapper. Reporters had hounded her at regular intervals when she’d started high school and gone away to college— checking in on Little Lost Lilah to see if she’d let that man scar her for life. The thing she wanted most for Ben was to save him from the horror of microphones in his face and strident voices asking for his feelings—because his mom was taken by a stranger when she was not much older than he was now.
“How can you suggest you’d set those monsters on me?” Owen had never been cruel.
“Lilah, did you think I’d be grateful? Ask how I could thank you enough for taking four years of being a father to Ben away from me? Because I drank?”
“Because you drink. I thought I was doing what was best for Ben. I don’t believe you’ll hurt him now to get back at me.”
“That’s exactly the kind of man you think I am.” He raised his eyes to the ceiling as if he could see through the floor to Ben playing above.
Blood rushed in Lilah’s ears, and she considered calling the police. They’d never helped her when she was kidnapped. She’d had to count on herself.
But Owen could prove he was Ben’s father. He’d never given up custody. If he chose to fight for parental rights, he’d win visitation.
On the other hand, if she played along, she’d find a way out of this. There’d come a moment when he’d make a mistake, take a drink. Prove even to himself that she’d been right to protect their son from a man whose worst fear was turning into the monstrous man who’d terrorized his own family.
“Visit Ben here, Owen. Let me keep him in familiar surroundings.”
He seemed to hesitate. Fighting a battle of conscience? His fists came out of the tops of his pockets, and he flexed his fingers, and his jaw tightened. At last, he shook his head. “I can’t. I have a job at home that’s life and death to my career. I have to finish it.”
“Your career? Who cares about a career?” Not the Owen she’d known.
“It matters to my reputation,” he said. “I didn’t stop drinking when you asked me to. You’re right about me, except for one thing. I’m not violent, and I would never harm another human being.” His eyes narrowed until they were chips of ice that cut straight through her. “But I will do everything I can to see my son.”
If she were in his shoes, if he’d kept Ben from her, would she be as angry? Absolutely. But she faced him down. “Do your worst.”
“I will if I have to,” he said, his voice contained, his breathing even. “I’m desperate. You’ve proven I can’t trust you to give me a chance with my son.”
“I could not hand him over to a man who told me he preferred alcohol to me.”
“I said that without knowing all the facts, Lilah. I want a chance with my boy, and he’ll have to come to Tennessee. I wish it could be different, and I don’t want to frighten him. But I’ve made some mistakes, and this job may be my last chance at getting enough work to make a living.”
“Why am I not surprised?”
“I’m not being dramatic,” he said, but then he shrugged, as if her opinion didn’t matter enough for him to explain. “When you pack, add some of Ben’s toys, so he’ll have familiar things around him and his favorite books. Whatever will make him comfortable while he’s with me.”
“This is crazy, Owen. No way will I send my son off with a stranger.” She didn’t trust Owen any more now than she had four years ago.
“I won’t be a stranger for long,” he said.
“You’re not taking him, Owen. I’ll fight you on this. Besides, he and I haven’t spent a night apart since he was born.”
“Then pack your stuff, too.” He paced out of the kitchen, across the living room to the bay window that looked out on her snow-drifted backyard. “If you come along, that solves the problem.”
“If you really care about him, you’d just leave him alone. Ben is a happy child. We have a life here.”
“You have a life you stole from me.” His voice sliced through the air.
Lilah squeezed the towel in her hands. “You said yourself you’re still drinking. You have to stay away from Ben. He’d be afraid of you if he saw you the way you used to get.”
He turned back to her, and his pain was hers for a single moment. She froze, but she felt as if she were vibrating. She couldn’t control her body’s reaction to seeing Owen again.
She didn’t want to remember how much she’d cared for him. Loved him. She couldn’t let him back in.
“I will not frighten my own child,” he said, his voice low, controlled. “Stop dreaming up excuses to keep Ben and me apart.”
“I don’t need excuses. My mother loved me. She was responsible. She only looked away for a few seconds, and see what happened? I was kidnapped by a stranger.” Lilah never talked about the past. She’d dealt with it and moved on, but he needed to know exactly why she’d rejected him as Ben’s father. “I will never turn my back on Ben, especially to leave him with an alcoholic like you.”
Owen barely glanced at her. “Give me a break, and stop comparing me to my father and a kidnapper.”
A
