didn’t know if she was going to live or die. From what I understand, her older sister was by her side twenty-four hours a day.” He shook his head. “I can’t even imagine their pain. Even if I could talk to them, what would I say? Dillon lost his son and I know what he went through. I just wish—”
“What do you wish?”
“I wish I could do something so I didn’t feel so powerless. I wish they could know I didn’t leave the scene like some of the tabloids reported. Since the family filed a civil suit, everyone around me is telling me to listen to my lawyer. I feel like he’s tied my hands and feet and taped my mouth shut. This isn’t me. I do something when I can. I don’t wait around to see what happens next.”
“You’re waiting for the trial.”
Zane nodded. “It will probably be sometime in December. We haven’t gotten the official date yet.”
“I guess your lawyer’s trying to settle?”
Zane leaned back against the sofa cushions and shook his head. “This isn’t about money. I know that. No amount of money will bring Ashley back. Her parents want someone to pay. And need somebody to blame. I understand. But I don’t think a trial or settlement is going to be the answer.”
Her hand was still covering his. She pulled hers away and put it back in her lap where it belonged. She knew Zane had arrived in May. She’d been cleaning his house and taking him supplies for that long. But she wasn’t completely sure why he’d come. “You came to Thunder Canyon to escape the paparazzi?”
Again he studied her, maybe unsure he could trust her. She could probably earn a bank account full of money if she took his story to any number of magazines. After all, it seemed like former acquaintances of Zane and anyone who had been there that night was doing just that. But no one had the words from his mouth but her.
The thing was, Jeannette knew in her heart that she would never sell Zane’s story to anyone or even talk about it.
Maybe he saw that.
“My lawyer suggested a leave of absence. But I couldn’t have returned to the tour if I’d wanted to. The night this happened, I felt like I’d grown a stone in my chest. That feeling hasn’t gone away. At first I couldn’t think about anything else. All I could think about was Ashley, day and night, and what her family was feeling. Even when her parents started giving interviews, saying it was my fault, I couldn’t be angry with them because I felt it was my fault, in spite of what my lawyer says, or my promoter or my manager or my band. They all have a lot to lose—their livelihood, but also their reputation, which really matters in this business. My bodyguard quit. He felt as guilty as hell. I’ve been with Roscoe since I won my first award. My mother is torn up because I’m torn up. That’s the kind of relationship we’ve always had.”
Jeannette remembered the one headline she’d read: RIFT BETWEEN ZANE GUNTHER AND HIS MOTHER.
“Has this caused problems between you and your mom?”
He gave a twisted smile. “You read the tabloid, huh?”
“No, I just saw the headline.”
“No rift. I call her when I can, so she knows I’m okay. I can’t do it from the mountain. I can’t get a signal till I’m down on the road. I went home once since this happened and photojournalists—” he made quote marks with his fingers “—took advantage of it, so I thought it was better if I stayed away.”
“You really are isolated.”
Quickly, he straightened. “Hey, don’t feel sorry for me. That isn’t why I’m telling you this. I just wanted you to understand what happened, not what the press says happened. Not what the lawyers say happened. Heck, I couldn’t believe you didn’t know who I was. I was grateful and humbled. Maybe I need a little more humbling.”
“Because?”
“Because before all this happened I could have had anything I wanted. I could go anyplace I wanted. I could do whatever I wanted. That’s not how normal people live. I haven’t had a normal life since my first CD took off.” He blew out a breath. “Now I sound like I’m complaining about it. I’m not. I appreciate absolutely everything that’s happened to me. But the truth is, since this happened, I have no music in my head, let alone in my heart. It used to be that a verse would just fly into my thoughts no matter what I was doing, and then the music to match it would play, or vice versa. Now there’s nothing. Just silence. Even when there’s noise all around me, there’s silence in me.”
“I haven’t listened to your music yet,” she admitted. “I borrowed CDs from the library. But if you had the gift of music, something that was with you all the time and followed you everywhere and you could just snatch it when you wanted to, and then suddenly it was gone, I’d want to live on a mountaintop, too. I understand what happens when fate deals a blow that no one expects.” She thought about Ed and his accident and how that had turned her life upside down when she’d least expected it. One day she was planning for the birth of her baby and a wedding, and the next…
“That happened with Jonah’s father?” Zane asked with real concern and interest.
“Yes, it did.”
“But you don’t want to go into that now?”
He had just shared so much with her, and she wanted to tell him about Ed, but—
“It’s late and you’re tired,” he realized. “I probably shouldn’t have come over tonight, but I didn’t want to wait. Too much can happen when you wait.”
Feeling shy and a little awkward, she smiled at him. “I’m glad you came over. I was wondering about so much.”
He looked as if he were about to say something more, maybe ask her something. But he didn’t. Instead, he pushed himself to his feet.
She was afraid this was it. Or maybe relieved this was it. They really had nothing in common. Their lifestyles were worlds apart.
Standing, she followed him to the door. She suddenly wanted to say, Please don’t go. But she had a child, and she was a waitress and she had a life here. He could be gone in a flash, in a helicopter or a private plane or a limo.
At the open door, with his Stetson on now, he gazed down at her with an intense look in his eyes. “I like you, Jeannette. I like you a lot. But I have a complicated life right now and I don’t want anybody else to be tainted by it.”
How could they be? He had done nothing wrong. Yet the world was portraying him as selfish, as just another star who was out for the money and the glory and the fame without caring about his fans. But she could see that wasn’t true at all.
“Do you work tomorrow?” he asked.
“I do. But Jonah and I will have time to go to church first. Edna and Mel like to make a big brunch afterward.”
“Sounds nice.”
She’d love to invite him along, but how crazy would that be? Edna and Mel would have a fit at the thought of any man taking their son’s place in her life. Besides, Zane’s cover would be blown. She could see he needed as much peace as he could get right now.
“You enjoy yourselves.
