“I remembered he was wearing big sunglasses, and a baseball hat. He had a square jaw, and I think I saw a little bit of blond hair on the side of his head, peeking from beneath the hat.” He heard the faint click of her swallow. “He was tall, over six feet, I believe. And I remember thinking that he was far too strong.”
Hayden hated that man. Hated him.
“Peek tried to get me to do a sketch,” Jill said, “but that sketch could have been anyone. When the artist was done, I didn’t even recognize the picture I was staring at.” She gave a little laugh, one that sounded bitter and wrong coming from Jill. “Hell, right now, he could be you. You fit the description that I just gave. Blond, tall, strong, square jaw...is it any wonder that no one was able to find the guy?”
His hands tightened on her shoulders. “It wasn’t your fault.” He needed her to believe that.
“It wasn’t until I started my criminal justice courses that I realized...eyewitness testimony is notoriously unreliable.”
He didn’t let her go. Her voice had softened. He should back away. But he didn’t.
“Just with my work at the FBI, I’ve talked to so many witnesses...” She gave a sad shake of her head. “Witnesses who saw the exact same perp, but who described him in completely different ways. It’s just...unreliable. I was unreliable. I could have described the man totally wrong. Even adult witnesses describe perps the wrong way...so, of course, a thirteen-year-old kid who’d been traumatized would make mistakes.” She swallowed. “I made mistakes. To tell you the honest truth, I can’t even swear to what I saw today. Maybe he wasn’t blond. Maybe I was just thinking of you. You had such a big role in that day for me. Maybe you were all that I could see.”
She’d been all that he could see. The first person who’d looked at him as if he weren’t trash, as if he were someone who mattered. And then he’d seen her get taken.
I can’t lose her.
Those had been his thoughts that day. He remembered them perfectly.
I won’t lose her.
“It’s the human memory,” she whispered. “People think it’s like a video recorder or something but it’s not. The way people think...my friend Samantha said it’s more like putting puzzle pieces together. We have the bits and pieces there, but sometimes our mind makes jumps to fill in the rest for us. To close those gaps.”
The wind caught a lock of her hair once more and blew it over her cheek. His hand rose and brushed back that hair, and then his fingers lingered on the silk of her skin. “It wasn’t your fault. Nothing was.”
She sucked in a sharp breath and seemed to become aware of just how close they were.
Aware that he was touching her.
I need to back away.
He started to ease away. His hand slid down her cheek and—
Jill caught his hand in hers. “It’s because it hurts.”
Hayden’s eyes narrowed. “What hurts?” He never wanted Jill to feel pain. He would do anything necessary to see to it that she never suffered a single day of her life. Not—
“When you touch me, it hurts.”
Her words pierced the heart she’d always owned.
“It makes me feel too much. You make me feel too much. You always did.”
Was that good? Or bad?
“You make me want...” Jill said, giving a shake of her head. “You make me want things that I can’t have.”
Maybe they should be clear. She could have him anytime she wanted. Anytime, any way, any day. He was aroused for her right then. It was pretty much impossible for him to get close to Jill and not want her.
“That’s dangerous,” she continued, her voice husky. “You’re dangerous to me.”
No, he wasn’t. She was the safest person in the world when he was near.
Her body brushed against his. It had been so long since he’d held her. Dreams weren’t enough for him any longer. Memories could only get a man so far. She was close. He needed her.
A taste, just a taste to get him through...
“I never stopped wanting you,” Hayden confessed. It was time to make sure there were no secrets between them.
Her lashes lowered. Such thick, dark lashes. The sunlight made her red hair gleam. “I tried to stop wanting you,” she said.
He deserved that. Damn it. He sucked in a deep breath and made himself step back. “We shouldn’t stay out too long. You always burned too easily.” He should have brought her a hat. Or grabbed a beach umbrella. Her skin was so much paler than his own and—
Jill touched him. Her fingers curled around his wrist and Hayden stilled.
“I tried,” she said, “but then I came face-to-face with you, and I realized the need is still there.”
“Jill...”
“I’m not here to make the same mistakes. I’m here to get my life together. I’m here to end the past and to try and move on.”
Was she saying he was the past?
“If I’d known you were here...” She licked her lips and didn’t say another word.
“You wouldn’t have come,” Hayden finished. Damn, he hadn’t realized just how much Jill hated him. He didn’t want that. He couldn’t deal with that. Not from her.
“No... I...” Her lashes lifted. “I would have been better prepared for you. I would have been able to hold myself back.”
He didn’t want her holding back.
“But maybe I’m making too much of this,” Jill added, a faint furrow between her brows. “Maybe what I’m feeling...it’s just left over from our past.” Her gaze dropped to his mouth. “Why fear it...if I don’t know what will happen?”
“Jill?”
Her hand fisted on his uniform shirt. “Kiss me.”
Wait. Had she just said—
“Maybe I won’t feel anything and I can let our past go.”
“Don’t count on it,” Hayden growled. He bent his head and his lips took hers.
There was no uncertainty in his kiss, not with Jill. No getting-to-know-you hesitation. He knew her intimately, knew exactly what she liked and didn’t like. All of those memories were burned into his mind.
She’d said people’s memories were like puzzle pieces. His memories of her weren’t. His memories of her were complete in heartbreaking detail because she’d been the one person who always mattered most to him.
Her
