But then, that’s the way of the world: the layabout who stays home gets all the luck, while those who ride their mounts into danger have to suffer.
The reporter then went up to the Minister and said:
0.2.3
REPORTER Your demeanor leads me to believe that you’re an Egyptian and a war veteran. Will you allow me to interview you so that I can publish some news about events in the Sudan in the newspapers? That will bring your name to people’s attention and enhance your prestige.
MINISTER OF WAR (arrogant and contemptuous) I’m the Egyptian Minister of War.
REPORTER (encouraged) I’m sure you’ve only recently left Egypt, Sir. You must only have come here for a rest after enduring severe hardships and difficulties during the Sudanese campaign.
MINISTER (flustered) Yes, I was there. But that was two months before the conquest.
REPORTER (astonished) How can that be? Can the Minister of War simply stop supervising the campaign when it’s at its height and slip away for a holiday abroad?
MINISTER There’s nothing wrong with the Minister doing that. He can supervise everything from abroad. After all, an army general directs operations from the rear.
REPORTER That’s quite true, but it doesn’t stop him from directing operations and knowing what’s going on. Do you get news as quickly as he does then?
MINISTER (boastfully) You should realize that I have two deputies in the Ministry of War: the Minister of Finance and the Permanent Undersecretary of War. They both make a point of keeping me informed from San Stefano as soon as anything happens.
REPORTER (seeking information) San Stefano? Is there a place of that name in the Sudan?
MINISTER (explaining) It’s not in the Sudan; it’s a spa in Alexandria. You know full well that time and distance mean absolutely nothing now that telegrams are available. One chess player can play with another in a different country. In fact war is itself the very foundation on which that particular game is based, so how can you have any doubts that I can get the news in the same way?
REPORTER So tell me then, what’s today’s news?
MINISTER The weather’s fine; there’s a cool breeze and clear sky, and the sun is shining brightly.
0.2.4
REPORTER (with a smile) Easterners are certainly quick to imitate Westerners, aren’t they? Talking about the weather! We used to think amirs and ministers were in a class of their own when it came to prevarication and ruses to get rid of newspaper reporters who were trying to get some information out of them. May I suggest, Minister, that I stop using tricks to get information from you and you in turn stop hedging; that way we won’t waste any more time. If you’re agreeable, would you mind telling me what you think about al-Taʿāyishī?
MINISTER (offering a prediction) If he goes to Kordofān, he’s a dead man; if he escapes to Darfūr, he’ll be obliterated for sure; if he comes back to Omdurman, he won’t find for protection any remand; and, if he goes back to Khartoum, then for that city it’s doom.8
REPORTER So far you’ve not told me anything I didn’t know already. But I’m not going to press you to reveal any secrets; you have a right to keep them to yourself. Disclosing such information might prevent his being captured. I’ll leave that point and ask you about the most significant news of all; the fact that the Sirdar is heading for Fashōda.
MINISTER (derisively) The Sirdar’s actions can be easily explained. He wants to get back to Egypt to enjoy his triumph and is just resting for a while.
REPORTER (sighing regretfully) I see you’re still dodging the question.
MINISTER (making excuses) I assure you, someone such as myself doesn’t tell lies after agreeing to talk frankly.
REPORTER (exasperated) Then how can you say that things are so simple? It’s a matter of great importance, one that is preoccupying all the ministers of the European powers and especially those of Egypt! How can you say that the Sirdar is coming back to Egypt from Fashōda? He only went there after entering Omdurman in order to complete the conquest of the Sudan. It’s quite near the source of the Nile.
MINISTER (laughing scornfully) You’re obviously wrong. If Fashōda is really at the source of the Nile, then it must be at the cataract where the dam is being built.9
0.2.5
REPORTER (amazed and increasingly angry) I’m not mistaken, my dear Minister. I see you’ve changed your tactics now; instead of hedging, you’re feigning ignorance. Fashōda is more than four hundred kilometers above Omdurman on the White Nile. Tell me, what do you know about it and Marchand?10
MINISTER (relieved) Now I see why the Sirdar is moving towards this Fashōda place—it’s because of this marchand d’esclaves!11
REPORTER (angrily) My dear Minister, I’m fed up with talking to you. Marchand is a Frenchman who’s come with a French force to take control of some areas close to the source of the Nile. The aim is to try to prevent England from controlling the whole of the Sudan.
MINISTER (using his memory) Yes, he failed. He was delayed in Ethiopia and gave up; he never occupied any part of the Sudan.
REPORTER (furious) Good grief! Here I am talking about Marchand, and he’s talking about Bonchamps!
MINISTER Don’t lose your temper, my dear sir! I’ll tell you the complete truth in a couple of words. If you were talking about Marchand, then the Sirdar is going there to put an end to slavery in the Sudan. If it’s Bonchamps you were referring to, then he is heading for Fashōda to choose some lands which can be used for cultivation and settlement.12
0.2.6
REPORTER (tearing at his clothes and losing all patience) My dear Minister, Marchand and Bonchamps are proper names belonging to famous people; they’re not being used as nouns with semantic connotations. When people are called Mazlūm, Ghālī, and ʿAbbāʾī, it doesn’t mean there’s any reference to tyranny, overcharging, or heavy loads.13
Here we are with a Minister of War who knows nothing about fighting and is not even supervising the campaign. What bad luck! I’m wasting my time. I came to get information and I end up giving it instead! The nightmare of this confrontation makes me envy my colleagues who are facing death on the Sudan battlefront. At least they will have got what they want after some hardships, whereas all I’ve got are still more problems after thinking I had found what I was seeking! That’s what happens when you stay aloof without getting involved in the task at hand.
THREE IN ONE AND ONE IN THREE
Miṣbāḥ al-sharq 24, September 29, 1898
0.3.1
ʿIsā ibn Hishām told us: I heard that the deputy qāʾim maqām
