six
“Being happy is to stop being a victim of problems but become an actor in history itself.”
Charles Chaplin
Malu
Only one hour left until the exhibition opening. Even now I can’t believe that time has passed so quickly. During this period, with Rafa and Helen’s support, I managed to get my life back on track.
I walk through the living room in my new apartment, going towards the balcony. I don’t know how, but Rafa’s found me this furnished apartment to rent, close to his place, for a bargain. According to him, the rental housing market was facing a slowdown and the landlord was happy to get rid of that condo.
The place was beautiful, well-lit and ventilated, in a quiet section of that neighborhood, where I could paint peacefully. My favorite room was the balcony. There, I could sit on a chaise, smoke a cigarette and watch the sunset. This apartment isn’t as close to the beach as the previous one, but I could still see a little bit of the sea through the buildings, and that’s enough for me.
The apartment itself is not big. There’s a small living room, decorated with one of my paintings, which I hung there right after I moved in. The master bedroom was turned into an atelier, with the landlord’s permission, where I keep my paintings, paints, thinners and brushes. I sleep in another room that, technically, is the guest room.
I look at my own reflection in the glass door which separates the balcony from the living room and smile with satisfaction. Hellen has been helping me to find myself. She took me to a hairdresser to have my hair properly cut and we talked about dyes and colors, reaching the conclusion that we should go back to my natural hair color. Then, right in front of me, I see a woman with beautiful dark hair in a Chanel haircut style with layers and side fringe, eyeliner in her eyes, and burgundy lipstick highlighting her lips. I was wearing a beautiful one-shoulder black dress, showing the colorful flowers on my bare shoulder, and a nice pair of killer sandals, which were oddly comfortable considering their looks.
I had my nails painted blood red for the first time. I tried to warn Hellen that it wouldn’t last, though. After two days dealing with paints and thinners, my beautiful nails would soon be nothing but smudges on a cotton rag. But she insisted nonetheless that, today of all days, I should look flawless. Tonight, nobody is going to see the hard-working painter, but one of the names of the new generation of visual artists. Whatever that means.
I sit down on a chaise holding a cigarette. I’d promised Rafa that I wouldn’t smoke. At least not until the reception. But there’s no harm in just holding a cigarette between your fingers, am I right? It’s almost supportive therapy. Just the thought of having a cigarette within my reach makes me feel better.
I hear some noise, and the living room, which was completely dark until seconds ago, suddenly lights up. The smell of perfume lets me know who it is before he can say something. I don’t know what I’d have done without Rafa. He was my foundation, the one I could blindly trust, and I’ve felt grateful for that every day since the moment I met him. I hear footsteps coming closer until he stops at the balcony door. I can see that the way he looks at me now is completely different.
“Hello, stranger. Do you know where I can find Malu? She has self-inflicted weird hair, of a washed color I can’t find words to define” he teases me, laughing. I start to scold him, but he lifts me up. “You should…” he begins but stops when he sees me standing up. Some seconds pass by until he’s able to finish his thoughts. “… swear less.”
“And you should be a gentleman and shouldn’t call my hair weird.” I approach him. With one hand, he takes off the cigarette from my fingers, while let other linger on my hips.
“You look beautiful,” he smiles and smack me on my lips.
“You don’t look bad yourself.” I wrap my arms around his black suit, embracing his broad shoulders.
“Are you okay?”
“A little nervous, but okay.”
“Everything’s going to be alright. I’ll be by your side all night long. Don’t worry.” These things he says make me smile and I feel deeply grateful for his affection towards me. My feelings for Rafa are the closest thing I can define as love for someone. I’d never been loved, so I wouldn’t be able to identify such a feeling. People usually talk about parental love, love between man and woman, family love… I know none of those things. The only thing I know is that, if there really were such a feeling and if I were worthy of feeling it, even though I believe I’m not, whatever this is – what I feel for Rafa – it may be my own way of loving.
“Shall we? We must arrive a bit early.”
“Sure, let me just take my purse.” I go to my bedroom and grab the tiny purse lying on my bed. When I come back, I meet Rafa again. He lets his hand lie on the bottom of my spine and follows me towards the hallway.
****
Rafa
I’ve never seen Malu like that. Even when she used to argue with her family, she didn’t look as fragile as she does now. I look at her, sitting next to me in the car in complete silence, playing with the pendants from a bracelet I gave her while staring outside, I wonder what’s on her mind.
Hellen did an outstanding job with her. Malu looks gorgeous. She doesn’t look like a rebel girl anymore, but like a woman who’s aware of her own beauty and sex appeal. She seems all grown-up, mature, feminine. And I definitely should start dating soon, because I’m seeing things in her that I’m not supposed to.
As we approach the gallery, I spot some movement on the seat beside me and look straight to Malu, watching her wringing her hands on her lap.
“Hey, calm down. Everything’s going to be alright,” I tell her, holding her fingers on mine.
“What if nobody comes to this shit?”
“Watch your mouth.”
“I mean it, Rafa. If it’s empty, Hellen will be fucking disappointed. We better go back home. Look, if you go straight ahead, there’s a turn on the road and…”
“It’s not empty. Take a deep breath and watch your freaking mouth.” I’m laughing. She looks at me scared but then she also laughs.
“Do you think so?”
“I’m positive. At least the guys from the beach and from Tito’s bar are going to be there.” Her smile grows larger, and she exhales all the air she was keeping in.
I stop the car in front of the gallery and a valet opens her door to help her out. People around us turn their heads to watch her with admiration, but she’s trembling so much she can’t even see what’s going on. I go around the car, and after I thank the valet by handing him the car keys, she grabs my arm.
When we get inside the gallery, we’re greeted by Hellen right away.
“Oh, that’s wonderful! You two look so beautiful.” She greets us with kisses and take a step back to admire Malu. “You look amazing, young lady. Are you ready? The press here is dying to know who’s our talented artist.”
