mother was a remarkable woman—she lived to be 101 years old—who decided to take on a second job as the family business was failing, to provide extra money to send me to college. Upon graduation, I worked in a state institution for children with special needs and then I transitioned to teaching special needs children in a public school. It was during my time teaching children with special needs who were living with their families that I saw the impact of having a child with special needs on the family. This experience prompted me to go on to graduate school with a focus on family dynamics.
For several years, I taught undergraduate and graduate courses in organizational psychology with a focus on the application of psychology to organizations and families. For most of my career, I have focused on the application of psychological theories and practices to positively impact leadership development in public and private companies, foundations, and families.
I believe that my professional journey has come full circle. It has gone from personal involvement with family business, to professional work with families with children with special needs, to corporate leadership, and then to families with the special need of wealth, to benefit family members and the communities of which they are a part.
What money I have, I have earned. I know the pride that comes from earning one's own money and the joy of being able to use it to help others. I have also been fortunate to have enjoyed the peace that comes from the sense of having enough.
In recent years, I have had the good fortune to work with two wonderful professionals: my loving partner, Keith Whitaker, and our dear friend, Jay Hughes. I have also been able to experience the joys and challenges of great corporate leaders and enterprising families with significant wealth. My hope is that I will be able to continue to have a positive impact on the lives of others through my own life experience, education, and commitment to cultivating qualitative wealth.
A Welcome from Dr. Keith Whitaker
My journey into this field began with my 17th birthday. I grew up in a middle-class home. I didn't think much about money; we didn't have too much or too little. Then, the afternoon of my birthday, my mother took me aside and said, “I want you to know that your grandfather has been very successful in business, so you can do whatever you like in your life.”
I remember feeling at the time that this was an odd comment. I already believed I could do whatever I liked, with or without money.
However, learning about my grandfather's financial success did make me feel different than I had before. I felt that more was expected of me. “To whom much is given much shall be required.” When I went off to college—which my grandfather paid for—I made a point of bringing him my transcript each semester, to show what I had achieved. With the gift, I felt a responsibility.
I also felt free—free to pursue a subject that truly interested me, classical philosophy, without focusing on my expected salary. I didn't have any student loans. I pursued a teaching career without the fear of being destitute.
These are some of the positive elements of the experience of learning about family wealth at an early age. But I found that there are also negatives.
For example, the flip side of freedom is a sort of lightness. This is a sense that no matter what I did, I could make up for bad choices or not deal with the frustrations that most other people face. For example, I loved philosophy but not the many tiresome parts of the job of teaching, and so I left it. Since that time, I do have some regrets, which money can't eliminate.
The flip side of feeling special is that you can become a mark. People with money often fall in with others who seek them out for their money. I was taken advantage of at times, and it was deeply hurtful.
The flip side of feeling gifted is entanglement. As a recipient, I felt I should give a return to my family by taking on various responsibilities around wealth management, trusteeship, service on the foundation board, and so on. These responsibilities took up a lot of time, taking me away from sorting out my own dreams. While I learned much from this work, it was not my true calling. It took a long time for me truly to become my own person.
When Jay invited me to join him in this journey, I knew that we would make excellent partners. We share the classic understanding of financial capital as a tool to pursue the ultimate qualitative goal: the inquiry into and the practice of living well.
The same is the case with Susan, whom I invited to join me in the journey of work and life over a decade ago. Little did I know then that I would learn from her that our true resources are our hearts and minds, and that our greatest gift is time, used well.
The Path Ahead
To orient you in this journey, we have organized the book into four main parts:
Part One (Chapters 1, 2, and 3) lays out the subject matter under discussion, the “what.” They address what we mean by family, wealth, and enterprise.
Part Two (Chapters 4 through 11) discusses the host of roles crucial to family enterprise flourishing. The “who” includes the rising generation, parents, grandparents, spouses, elders, trustees, and beneficiaries, advisers, and friends.
Part Three (Chapters 12 through 23) moves to the “how,” specific practices that families can use to grow their complete family wealth.
We end with a conclusion on individual flourishing that aims to give you best wishes and thoughtful guidance as you continue your own journey and, finally, with an epilogue that seeks to peer a little way into the future.
For this second edition, we have also added two appendices: the first, a curriculum for teaching family members about trusts; and the second, a review of practices that can help your family navigate difficult times, such as the COVID pandemic.
Again, feel free to read these chapters in order or pick and choose based on your interests. Each one stands on its own.
CHAPTER 1 Complete Wealth
In the late 20th century, when Family Wealth was published, its subtitle was Keeping It in the Family.
Many readers assumed that the “it” referred to money. After all, doesn't the proverb—“shirtsleeves to shirtsleeves in three generations”—refer to a family's economic condition?
From this assumption, an entire industry has grown, an industry aimed at helping families correct their family dynamics to preserve and grow their financial capital.
Likewise, many readers, family leaders, and advisers have concluded that the most
