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Introduction
I think some people write books because it's their lifelong ambition, others because they think it's a business opening. I think people write books for a myriad of different reasons. For me it's always about, ‘Can you put something out into the world that is going to make a difference?’ That's it.
People normally write books because they're passionate about whatever their message is, or information they are parting with. Let's be honest, it's not that easy. It's quite a long and drawn-out process – well it is certainly that way for me. I wanted to write this book because I'm limited on the number of people I can share my thoughts and ideas with day to day, and I wanted to get those ideas down so that I can hopefully provide others, whom I wouldn't normally come into contact with, that little bit of additional help to get them through any tough time they might be facing.
Like with anything in life, the decision to write a book will come down to how much you really want to do it. And that is the question that I kick around a lot. Then I'll make a decision, as a result of which I'll actually get behind this book and do it – or not. Sounds simple. But of course, you're going to be asking yourself questions like, ‘What's the point of it?’ Well, on this occasion I had a clear answer to my doubts and questions.
I've spent around 20 years in the world of leadership and for such a long time, the story was always about the gold medallist – the winner! It was always about the person that had climbed the highest mountain. It was always about those people that have done incredible things and achieved brilliance. And yes, all of this is very inspiring, but there's always that bit at the back of your mind that says, ‘But I'm not an Olympic athlete’, or ‘Well, I'm not going to be climbing that mountain, and actually I don't want to.’
I really felt that there was a need for people to have more conversations around what happens when life isn't going so well. When life gets difficult. When you're feeling like the walls are closing in or you are perhaps in the middle of your own storm. Bad things happen, it's normal, it's customary to us, it is relatable. Whether it's having a tough time in work, or the devastating news of cancer coming into your family, or whether you have lost your job, or been involved in a terrible accident. Whether it's that you just don't feel right. Whatever it is, it's when those negative times come, those difficult moments that I really think we need to have some more understanding. And hopefully, this is just what this book will do.
I looked at other people's difficult experiences, and to my own life, and considered what was both helpful and not in these types of situations. And soon, there was a real catalogue of ideas emerging about dealing with these tough times. And to go back to that question of how much you want to do something – this is what it came down to for me: can I do something that's going to help more people beyond social media and the coaching/development-type sessions that I already do? Something that was real and that was practical. Something broken down so simply and in one place that would mean that anyone could grasp it – wouldn't that be wonderful?
I'm never going to claim that I've had a tough life. In fact – even reflecting on my most difficult moments when compared to some people – it has probably been a charm. That being said, this book is about difficulties, so I have used my own life to examine how I dealt with those things, as well as looking at other people who have been through much, much worse. Personally, from right at the beginning of my learning journey there were obstacles. I didn't find school particularly easy. And it wasn't until I was 24 and in teacher training that I realised I had a learning difficulty. As a result of this, a lot of my adult life has been looking back and making connections between behaviour and experience and what I know now. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.
It was life changing. It was positive in many ways. I was careful to avoid the medical school syndrome of diagnosing myself of every possible disorder or learning difficulty just because I'd been to a fascinating seminar at university. There are some crazy things your brain can do. So, I tried very hard to stay open-minded about it all, but when I did the test, the results for dyslexia were very high, tipping into extreme. I was on the boundary of being an extreme dyslexic. At that point I thought, ‘Well, that now makes sense, and I totally get it.’ Nobody had put this label on me in school and so, like many others, I had missed out on the extra support. But I remember thinking that I had done all right without it. I had been to university, through teacher training, and had been coaching for coming up to almost a decade so I must have been doing something right. It was a realisation that I just had to work really hard, and while things might have taken me longer than they perhaps did for others, that was okay and in fact it was actually becoming a bit of a theme.
There are lots of things in my life where I've used what could be regarded as a potential negative to instead be a springboard to learn and to get better. And to face uncertainty and demonstrate resilience. I'm not talking life-threatening stuff that others have had to face, but regular everyday difficult stuff. I suppose my life is a testament to that, too. I've never been brilliant at anything. Genuinely, my skillset is tiny, absolutely tiny. But I know what I can do, and I know how to use those elements to better myself. The point is that I've got this passion and absolute unwavering belief that whatever the situation you're in, you can find stuff and leverage yourself and come through it and be better and move forward and life will go on. We'll find a path, we'll wrestle, as long as we're not scared of suffering – as my good mate Micky Mellon says, ‘You've got to suffer, if you're not worried about suffering, we'll be all right.’ And that's how this book has evolved.
There has been a lot of good stuff throughout my experiences. There have also been some challenges. I would say my departure from the school I was headteacher
