type of situation is to make sure your partner has a lot of support at home; in some cases, this might mean having her stay with her family or having family members stay with her while you’re gone. She gets to make the decisions as to what kind of help she wants and for how long. Even if you and her mom are at constant odds at the best of times, this is the time where you just have to deal with having her mom, sister or best friend knowing more about what’s going on at home than you do.
After you’ve helped line up a support team, take care of as many of the household tasks ahead of time. Replace things that might need replacing before you leave, create an up-to-date list of repair people, get the car’s routine maintenance out of the way, and generally take everything you can off your partner’s shoulders before you leave.
It’s also important for you to keep up with what goes on during different months of pregnancy. This book gives you a lot of info on what happens during each stage of pregnancy, and you can find other books that go into greater month-by-month detail, such as Pregnancy For Dummies by Joanne Stone and Keith Eddleman (John Wiley & Sons). Knowing what’s going on at different stages allows you to ask relevant questions and to empathize with what your partner’s experiencing at different points of pregnancy.
Dealing with the frustrations of long-distance pregnancy
Being separated during such an important time will be hard on both of you, but your partner is the one dealing with hormonal changes that can make going through pregnancy alone really difficult. Although you’re probably feeling the strain of not being there as well, remember that she’s dealing with much, much more. Some guys don’t want to hear the details of her pregnancy, baby shower, doctor’s appointments, and so on because it reminds them of everything they’re missing. If you’re one of those guys, try really hard to overcome it. And although it’s okay to mention how hard it is to be away at such a special time — your partner will probably be upset if it doesn’t upset you, honestly — remember not to make it all about you.
The complex emotions of a far-away dad can be hard for a mom-to-be to understand, since she feels just as lonely and sad that you’re apart at such an important time — and she’s the one dealing with taking care of the house and herself, not to mention heartburn, swollen feet, and the inability to bend over.
Staying involved is more than just sitting in front of the camera while you talk. Although you don’t need to write out a script before every video chat, keep a list of things that you want to ask about or talk to your partner about. It’s easy to get caught up in the moment when you’re chatting — and also hard to keep yourself present and ignoring everything that’s going on around you — and you may end the chat without ever touching on all the things you really wanted to ask about. So, keep a list.
As hard as it can be at times, it’s also important to stay present during your calls. Whether you’re talking to each other every day or once a month, make sure you’re totally there during your conversations. Obviously, no playing games on your phone while you’re talking! And no talking with other people in the background, if you can manage it. Having other people around can hinder both of you from saying what you really want to say.
Last but not least, remember that this too will pass. Yes, it’s a time you’ll never be able to get back, and it’s hard, but you’re going to have years to spend with your new baby, and plenty of time to make it up to them — and to your partner, too.
Part 2
The Final Countdown: Nine Months (or Less!) to Baby
IN THIS PART …
Become an educated dad-to-be by reading about your baby’s physical development throughout pregnancy so you can dazzle your partner with how much you know.
Participate in the fun parts of pregnancy — putting together a baby shower wish list, readying the nursery, and picking out a name.
Feel prepared in case things don’t go according to expectations. Although the odds are certainly in your favor, things can and do go wrong in pregnancy.
Handle the emotional ups and downs of the final three months as the reality that dadhood is just around the corner truly sinks in.
Find out all about birthing options — what they are, how they’ll affect your role as labor coach, and how to support the choices your partner makes.
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