to think about a given situation matters because the emotional state it creates will, ultimately, drive our actual behaviour.
If you feel scared, you will likely run away, if possible.
If you feel guilty, you will seek to hide.
If you feel rejected, you might sit on the couch all night ordering Uber Eats.
Here is a helpful chart I made to summarise this thought‐emotion‐behaviour chain of causation.
Now let's apply it to the real‐world scenario of a friend not texting you back.
If your thought is that they didn't text because they don't like you, this might lead you to feel a combination of sadness, inferiority and rejection. It might lead you to the behaviour of withdrawing from your friend, or sending them a series of disgruntled and hostile messages demanding they explain themselves. Outcome? That friendship may disintegrate.
But what if you chose a different thought? What if you chose the thought that your friend is probably overwhelmed by something else in their life and that they will respond when they can. You might feel disappointed, but you might also feel peaceful and loving towards your friend. The behaviour this drives might be to simply give them the space they need, or maybe to follow up later with a brief message expressing your hope that they are well. Outcome? You may very well deepen or cultivate your friendship further.
Critically, by carefully selecting your thought in this example, you can not only avoid a distressing emotional state yourself, but also better the outcomes in your life.
Being able to identify both your emotions and underlying thoughts — and ultimately choose more accurate or helpful thoughts — is an invaluable life skill and one we are not often taught in school. It takes practice. If you can afford it, I highly recommend doing this work with a trained professional.
But you've paid good money for this book on the promise it will make you better at money, so let me do some of the hard ‘thought identifying’ work for you — at least when it comes to your relationship with money.
For those of you whose emotional response is to feel fear, powerlessness or apathy about money, I have some good news!
The thoughts you are having about money are very likely false. It is possible for you to think new and better thoughts about money.
In chapter 2, I debunk seven of the most common money myths I've encountered. I also lay out seven new thoughts about money for you to consider.
Not only do I think these new thoughts will be more helpful to you, I also happen to believe they are true.
Now isn't that a nice thought?
Let's go.
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