do you believe in devils, Ordeals?”
“I believe that everyone will get their own, and after death we’ll see life in all its glory, and we’ll be tested for attraction to earthly things. My grandmother, 10 days before her death, said that sorcerers and devils came to her, gnawed at her, dragged her to them torturing in every way. Perhaps the devils are a convention, but …”
“What will be in case of the balance between our Good and Evil?”
“One soul, when the door to Heaven was already opened, refused God and went to the Devil, because that soul liked the Evil. If we are given the right to choose during our lifetime, it’s unlikely to be taken away afterwards.”
“How long is the trial?”
“Some monks saw the Saints instantly overcoming the Stairs. The speed of passage is different for everyone. I think 40 days are set not for nothing.”
“It turns out that there are several Ladders! The Jacob’s one has 12 steps down, the John’s has 30 steps up, right? And we have 40 days. Are there 20 or 23 steps of the Ordeals?”
“Time is a conditional concept, and the Ladder is one only, with uninterrupted movement in both directions – the descent of the soul into the body, its way on Earth, and the return to Heaven.”
Janis returned to us and handed me a book.
“A gift for you from Archimandrite Ignatius! Published by the cell of St. Nicholas for pilgrims, translated into Russian, only for sale on Mount Athos. Let’s see the photos from the monasteries where I was yesterday!”
Tower of Ouranoupoli
“How are you, Alice?” Joice asked.
“Not much,” I sighed, slumping into a chair by the fireplace. “It’s the 10th day after. All I know is that my body was buried without liturgy, and something needs to be done before the 40th day. The only evidence that I slipped on the windowsill is the missing handle, torn from the window frame. I’ll hardly find it, and how can I tell them there? And to whom?”
“Not bad for a start! When you find the handle, you’ll think about what to do with it next. At home?”
“Floor-to-ceiling stuff. It’s unrealistic to examine all things one by one in the rest of my time. Why did they get there? Not to remind me of the Past? I found my book with a funny title, ‘Do you believe in ghosts?’.”
“Some not only believe, but hear and see us,” Joice smiled. “What’s the book?”
“A collection of unrelated stories written a long time ago. I’ve read a few, but they are all veiled. ‘The House by the Station’ was to be demolished, but I smelt the acrid smoke, someone had set fire to our house. The story ‘Stillborn’ is written on behalf of a man. I saw him with his wife, they had no children. Maybe he offered me… to give birth to his child, and then he would have killed me?”
“Focus on feelings, they are more important than words. We the writers often imagine a chain of events that doesn’t come true and becomes a story. At the Posthumous Ordeals, souls are shown something as a test on their earthly connections. If the soul is drawn to the earthly, the door to Heaven won’t open. You were immediately drawn to Athos, to the border of Heaven, a great sign, if not for the blockage of memory. What if you remember something binding you to Earth, or a loved one who is tormented in Hell, and you would like to be with him?”
“Ray… No, I remember him. I feel no pain communicating with him, no gaps in memory, although he had his own life, I had mine, it looked like an astral marriage. Ray was a powerful magician, but he used his abilities for selfish purposes. We met periodically, but he always knew everything about me, wherever he was. There was no point in jealousy, no one would ever replace him for me, and me for him. We understood each other silently. He taught me to slow down and stop Time, to move in Spaces, to change scenarios. He tried to teach me search work, but one step before the goal, I turned back, not trusting myself. He told me what he couldn’t share with others, and I told him as well. He accepted the real me, he saw the Sun in me and allowed me to shine, because he wasn’t afraid of being eclipsed. It was an invisible bond of perfectly matched souls that couldn’t be together, since I didn’t want to do black magic, and he didn’t want to give it up. Ray didn’t believe in Hell, Heaven, God, but he helped me when I felt bad, even after he left earthly body, he appeared, sensing that I was drowning, saved me and disappeared.”
“You won’t be able to cross the border until you’re tested for all attachments to the earthly. There’s clearly something in the erased Past!”
“Ray said I should do something, not remember everything.”
“Perhaps it will compensate the imbalance of Scales. If the memory doesn’t return, you’ll still be stuck here. Suppose you’ll do that good deed. Why until the 40th day?”
“I’m confused and tired, Joice. I don’t want to think about anything!”
“Okay, I’ll read you my novel about the Apostle Peter, take a break. By the way, you probably shared your secrets with the Athos friends, since it’s easier to tell the most important and painful to someone who is out of your inner circle.”
Courtroom in the Universe
Joice’s words from the novel about St. Peter plunged me into the Mist. I was again in the hall with the huge Scales and the movie screen with frames from my life flashing on it. I saw unfamiliar faces in the Mist, saying that I ordered 40-days prayer in 40 monasteries for someone. And on the screen, I called the staff of the Patriarchate in Jerusalem and transferred the last money to them, then I called my friends and asked them to order the same prayer in the Kiev Pechersk Lavra, Optina Pustyn Monastery, on Greek Athos, and I ran through the monasteries that I knew in Moscow.
For whom was it? I heard voices in the Mist, “He betrayed her three times”. The winged creatures whispered among themselves. And one of them, with a cross in his hand, drove away from me the devil, who was whipping his tail in anticipation and squealing joyfully, “Ours!”
31 Before/10 After. House No. 5
Pluto
Somewhere in the Universe
As soon as I sat down on a cloud in House No. 5, right in front of me …
“I don’t want to see you!” I exclaimed and clung to the Guardian.
“Earthly reactions are awakening in you. You have to put up with me!” Pluto, in a long black robe, which covered his scorpion sting with the poison of pain, sat down on the cloud opposite.
“One has to face the truth,” said the Guardian. “When you remember on Earth what has happened here, on the Stairs, it’ll become easier to live!”
“I feel bad in Libra, the Sign of Venus,” Pluto sighed. “I stay here in exile with a whole generation, being a slow planet, floating in the clouds during 12—15 years. You’ll seek peace and balance, cooperation and justice, appreciating friendship, finding the best way out of crisis situations, following the path of minimum
