whenever he wanted.
Instead, he worries. He worries about whether he’s got what it takes, whether it’s in him, whether his parents and guardians put it there. (Some think it’s put there experientially; some think it’s put there genetically. It’s neither. It’s never “put there” at all. It’s a tool that anyone can use. Like a hammer. Like a dictionary.)
The good news is that it is never too late to correct that mistake in yourself and your people. It’s never too late to learn the real truth. Enlightened leaders get more out of their people because they know that each person already has everything it takes to be successful. They don’t buy the excuses, the apologies, the sad fatalism that most non-performers skillfully sell to their managers. They just don’t buy it.
3. Tune in Before You Turn on
Don’t tell people how to do things, tell them what to do and let them surprise you with their results.
You can’t motivate someone who can’t hear you.
If what you’re saying is bouncing off their psychological armor, it makes little difference how good you are at saying it. You are not being heard. Your people have to hear you to be moved by you.
In order for someone to hear you, she must first be heard. It doesn’t work the other way around. It doesn’t work when you always go first. Because your employee must first appreciate that you are on her wavelength and understand her thinking completely.
As leadership guru Warren Bennis has said:
The first rule in any kind of coaching is that the coach has to engage in deep listening. Which means that the coach must relate to the context in which the “other” is reasoning – they must “tune in” to where the other is coming from. In short, perhaps the basis of leadership is the capacity of the leader to change the mind-set, the framework of the other. That’s not easy, as I needn’t tell you for most of us, thinking that we have tuned into the other person, usually we are listening most intently to ourselves.
We were working with a financial services CEO named Lance who had difficulties with his four-woman major account team. They didn’t care for him and didn’t trust him and dreaded every meeting with him as he would go over their shortcomings.
Lance was at his wit’s end and asked for coaching.
“Meet with each of them one at a time,” we advised.
“What do I say?”
“Say nothing. Just listen.”
“Listen to what?”
“The person across from you.”
“What’s my agenda?”
“No agenda.”
“What do I ask them?”
“How is life? How is life for you in this company? What would you change?”
“Then what?”
“Then just listen.”
“I don’t know if I could do that.”
The source of his major account team’s low morale had just been identified. The rest was up to Lance.
4. Be the Cause, Not the Effect
Shallow people believe in luck. Wise and strong people believe in cause and effect.
A masterful motivator of others asks, “What do we want to cause to happen today? What do we want to produce?”
Those are the best management questions of all. People who have a hard time managing people simply have a hard time asking themselves those two questions, because they’re always thinking about what’s happening to them instead of what they’re going to cause to happen.
When your people see you as a cause instead of an effect, it won’t be hard to teach them to think the same way. Soon, you will be causing them to play far beyond their own self-concepts.
You can cause that to happen.
5. Stop Criticizing Upper Management
Two things are bad for the heart – running uphill and running down people.
It is a huge temptation to distance yourself from your own superiors.
Maybe you do this to win favor and create bonding at the victim level with the team, but it won’t work. In fact, what you have done will eventually damage the confidence of the team. It will send three messages that are very damaging to morale and motivation:
1. This organization can’t be trusted.
2. Our own management is against us.
3. Yours truly, your own team leader, is weak and powerless in the organization.
This leads to a definite but unpleasant kind of bonding, and it leads to deep trust problems and further disrespect for the integrity of the organization. Running down upper management can be done covertly (a rolling of the eyes at the mention of the CFO’s name) or overtly (“I don’t know why we’re doing this; no one ever consults with me on company policy, probably because they know I’d disagree”). This mistake is deepened by the repeated use of the word they. (“They want us to start…” “I don’t know why they are having us do it this way…” “They don’t understand what you guys are going through here…” “They, they, they…!”).
The word they used in excess soon becomes a near-obscenity and solidifies the impression that we are isolated, misunderstood victims.
A true leader has the courage to represent upper management, not run it down. A true leader says we.
6. Do the One Thing
Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things.
I can’t motivate others if I am not doing the right thing. And to keep myself in a relaxed and centered state, it’s important for me to not be scattered, distracted, or spread thin. It’s important that I don’t race around thinking that I’ve got too much to do. I don’t have too much to do. The truth is, there is only one thing to do, and that is the one thing I have chosen to do right now.
If I do that one thing as if it’s all I have to think about, it will be extremely well done, and my relationship with any other person involved will be better and more relaxed and full of trust than before.
A careful study of my past week shows me that I did a lot of things, and they all got done one thing at a time. In fact, even in my busiest time ever, I was only able to do one thing at a time, even though I stressed myself and other people out by always thinking of seven things at once. When I talked to someone all I could think about was the seven other people I needed to talk to. Eventually, all seven people felt that stress and that lack of
