be in my bedroom, making no noise and pretending I’m not there,’ said Harry tonelessly.
‘Exactly,’ said Uncle Vernon nastily. ‘I will lead them into the lounge, introduce you, Petunia, and pour them drinks. At eight fifteen —’
‘I’ll announce dinner,’ said Aunt Petunia.
‘And Dudley, you’ll say —’
‘May I take you through to the dining room, Mrs Mason?’ said Dudley, offering his fat arm to an invisible woman.
‘My perfect little gentleman!’ sniffed Aunt Petunia.
‘And you?’ said Uncle Vernon viciously to Harry.
‘I’ll be in my room, making no noise and pretending I’m not there,’ said Harry dully.
‘Precisely. Now, we should aim to get in a few good compliments at dinner. Petunia, any ideas?’
‘Vernon tells me you’re a wonderful golfer, Mr Mason … Do tell me where you bought your dress, Mrs Mason …’
‘Perfect … Dudley?’
‘How about: “We had to write an essay about our hero at school, Mr Mason, and I wrote about you.”’
This was too much for both Aunt Petunia and Harry. Aunt Petunia burst into tears and hugged her son, while Harry ducked under the table so they wouldn’t see him laughing.
‘And you, boy?’
Harry fought to keep his face straight as he emerged.
‘I’ll be in my room, making no noise and pretending I’m not there,’ he said.
‘Too right you will,’ said Uncle Vernon forcefully. ‘The Masons don’t know anything about you and it’s going to stay that way. When dinner’s over, you take Mrs Mason back to the lounge for coffee, Petunia, and I’ll bring the subject round to drills. With any luck, I’ll have the deal signed and sealed before the News at Ten. We’ll be shopping for a holiday home in Majorca this time tomorrow.’
Harry couldn’t feel too excited about this. He didn’t think the Dursleys would like him any better in Majorca than they did in Privet Drive.
‘Right – I’m off into town to pick up the dinner jackets for Dudley and me. And you,’ he snarled at Harry, ‘you stay out of your aunt’s way while she’s cleaning.’
Harry left through the back door. It was a brilliant, sunny day. He crossed the lawn, slumped down on the garden bench and sang under his breath, ‘Happy birthday to me … happy birthday to me …’
No cards, no presents, and he would be spending the evening pretending not to exist. He gazed miserably into the hedge. He had never felt so lonely. More than anything else at Hogwarts, more even than playing Quidditch, Harry missed his best friends, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger. They, however, didn’t seem to be missing him at all. Neither of them had written to him all summer, even though Ron had said he was going to ask Harry to come and stay.
Countless times, Harry had been on the point of unlocking Hedwig’s cage by magic and sending her to Ron and Hermione with a letter, but it wasn’t worth the risk. Underage wizards weren’t allowed to use magic outside school. Harry hadn’t told the Dursleys this; he knew it was only their terror that he might turn them all into dung beetles that stopped them locking him in the cupboard under the stairs with his wand and broomstick. For the first couple of weeks back, Harry had enjoyed muttering nonsense words under his breath and watching Dudley tearing out of the room as fast as his fat legs would carry him. But the long silence from Ron and Hermione had made Harry feel so cut off from the magical world that even taunting Dudley had lost its appeal – and now Ron and Hermione had forgotten his birthday.
What wouldn’t he give now for a message from Hogwarts? From any witch or wizard? He’d almost be glad of a sight of his arch-enemy, Draco Malfoy, just to be sure it hadn’t all been a dream …
Not that his whole year at Hogwarts had been fun. At the very end of last term, Harry had come face to face with none other than Lord Voldemort himself. Voldemort might be a ruin of his former self, but he was still terrifying, still cunning, still determined to regain power. Harry had slipped through Voldemort’s clutches for a second time, but it had been a narrow escape, and even now, weeks later, Harry kept waking in the night, drenched in cold sweat, wondering where Voldemort was now, remembering his livid face, his wide, mad eyes …
Harry suddenly sat bolt upright on the garden bench. He had been staring absent-mindedly into the hedge – and the hedge was staring back. Two enormous green eyes had appeared among the leaves.
Harry jumped to his feet just as a jeering voice floated across the lawn.
‘I know what day it is,’ sang Dudley, waddling towards him.
The huge eyes blinked and vanished.
‘What?’ said Harry, not taking his eyes off the spot where they had been.
‘I know what day it is,’ Dudley repeated, coming right up to him.
‘Well done,’ said Harry. ‘So you’ve finally learned the days of the week.’
‘Today’s your birthday,’ sneered Dudley. ‘How come you haven’t got any cards? Haven’t you even got friends at that freak place?’
‘Better not let your mum hear you talking about my school,’ said Harry coolly.
Dudley hitched up his trousers, which were slipping down his fat bottom.
‘Why’re you staring at the hedge?’ he said suspiciously.
‘I’m trying to decide what would be the best spell to set it on fire,’ said Harry.
Dudley stumbled backwards at once, a look of panic on his fat face.
‘You c-can’t – Dad told you you’re not to do m-magic – he said he’ll chuck you out of the house – and you haven’t got anywhere else to go – you haven’t got any friends to take you —’
‘Jiggery pokery!’ said Harry in a fierce voice. ‘Hocus pocus … squiggly wiggly …’
‘MUUUUUUM!’ howled Dudley, tripping over his feet as he dashed back towards the house. ‘MUUUUM! He’s doing you know what!’
Harry paid dearly for his moment of fun. As neither Dudley nor the hedge was in any way hurt, Aunt Petunia knew he hadn’t really done magic, but he still had to duck as she aimed a heavy blow at his head with the soapy frying pan. Then she gave him work to do, with the promise he wouldn’t eat again until he’d finished.
While Dudley lolled around watching and eating ice-creams, Harry cleaned the windows, washed the car, mowed the lawn, trimmed the flowerbeds, pruned and watered the roses and repainted the garden bench. The sun blazed overhead, burning the back of his neck. Harry knew he shouldn’t have risen to Dudley’s bait, but Dudley had said the very thing Harry had been thinking himself … maybe he didn’t have any friends at Hogwarts …
‘Wish they could see famous Harry Potter now,’ he thought savagely, as he spread manure on the flowerbeds, his back aching, sweat running down his face.
It
