first one was from the Ministry of Magic, expelling me,’ said Harry calmly. He was straining his ears to catch any noises outside, in case the Ministry representatives were approaching, and it was easier and quieter to answer Uncle Vernon’s questions than to have him start raging and bellowing. ‘The second one was from my friend Ron’s dad, who works at the Ministry.’
‘Ministry of Magic?’ bellowed Uncle Vernon. ‘People like you in government? Oh, this explains everything, everything, no wonder the country’s going to the dogs.’
When Harry did not respond, Uncle Vernon glared at him, then spat out, ‘And why have you been expelled?’
‘Because I did magic.’
‘AHA!’ roared Uncle Vernon, slamming his fist down on top of the fridge, which sprang open; several of Dudley’s low-fat snacks toppled out and burst on the floor. ‘So you admit it! What did you do to Dudley?’
‘Nothing,’ said Harry, slightly less calmly. ‘That wasn’t me —’
‘Was,’ muttered Dudley unexpectedly, and Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia instantly made flapping gestures at Harry to quieten him while they both bent low over Dudley.
‘Go on, son,’ said Uncle Vernon, ‘what did he do?’
‘Tell us, darling,’ whispered Aunt Petunia.
‘Pointed his wand at me,’ Dudley mumbled.
‘Yeah, I did, but I didn’t use —’ Harry began angrily, but –
‘SHUT UP!’ roared Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia in unison.
‘Go on, son,’ repeated Uncle Vernon, moustache blowing about furiously.
‘All went dark,’ Dudley said hoarsely, shuddering. ‘Everything dark. And then I h-heard … things. Inside m-my head.’
Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia exchanged looks of utter horror. If their least favourite thing in the world was magic – closely followed by neighbours who cheated more than they did on the hosepipe ban – people who heard voices were definitely in the bottom ten. They obviously thought Dudley was losing his mind.
‘What sort of things did you hear, Popkin?’ breathed Aunt Petunia, very white-faced and with tears in her eyes.
But Dudley seemed incapable of saying. He shuddered again and shook his large blond head, and despite the sense of numb dread that had settled on Harry since the arrival of the first owl, he felt a certain curiosity. Dementors caused a person to relive the worst moments of their life. What would spoiled, pampered, bullying Dudley have been forced to hear?
‘How come you fell over, son?’ said Uncle Vernon, in an unnaturally quiet voice, the kind of voice he might adopt at the bedside of a very ill person.
‘T-tripped,’ said Dudley shakily. ‘And then —’
He gestured at his massive chest. Harry understood. Dudley was remembering the clammy cold that filled the lungs as hope and happiness were sucked out of you.
‘Horrible,’ croaked Dudley. ‘Cold. Really cold.’
‘OK,’ said Uncle Vernon, in a voice of forced calm, while Aunt Petunia laid an anxious hand on Dudley’s forehead to feel his temperature. ‘What happened then, Dudders?’
‘Felt … felt … felt … as if … as if …’
‘As if you’d never be happy again,’ Harry supplied tonelessly.
‘Yes,’ Dudley whispered, still trembling.
‘So!’ said Uncle Vernon, voice restored to full and considerable volume as he straightened up. ‘You put some crackpot spell on my son so he’d hear voices and believe he was – was doomed to misery, or something, did you?’
‘How many times do I have to tell you?’ said Harry, temper and voice both rising. ‘It wasn’t me! It was a couple of Dementors!’
‘A couple of – what’s this codswallop?’
‘De – men – tors,’ said Harry slowly and clearly. ‘Two of them.’
‘And what the ruddy hell are Dementors?’
‘They guard the wizard prison, Azkaban,’ said Aunt Petunia.
Two seconds of ringing silence followed these words before Aunt Petunia clapped her hand over her mouth as though she had let slip a disgusting swear word. Uncle Vernon was goggling at her. Harry’s brain reeled. Mrs Figg was one thing – but Aunt Petunia?
‘How d’you know that?’ he asked her, astonished.
Aunt Petunia looked quite appalled with herself. She glanced at Uncle Vernon in fearful apology, then lowered her hand slightly to reveal her horsy teeth.
‘I heard – that awful boy – telling her about them – years ago,’ she said jerkily.
‘If you mean my mum and dad, why don’t you use their names?’ said Harry loudly, but Aunt Petunia ignored him. She seemed horribly flustered.
Harry was stunned. Except for one outburst years ago, in the course of which Aunt Petunia had screamed that Harry’s mother had been a freak, he had never heard her mention her sister. He was astounded that she had remembered this scrap of information about the magical world for so long, when she usually put all her energies into pretending it didn’t exist.
Uncle Vernon opened his mouth, closed it again, opened it once more, shut it, then, apparently struggling to remember how to talk, opened it for a third time and croaked, ‘So – so – they – er – they – er – they actually exist, do they – er – Dementy-whatsits?’ Aunt Petunia nodded. Uncle Vernon looked from Aunt Petunia to Dudley to Harry as if hoping somebody was going to shout ‘April Fool!’ When nobody did, he opened his mouth yet again, but was spared the struggle to find more words by the arrival of the third owl of the evening. It zoomed through the still-open window like a feathery cannonball and landed with a clatter on the kitchen table, causing all three of the Dursleys to jump with fright. Harry tore a second official-looking envelope from the owl’s beak and ripped it open as the owl swooped back out into the night.
‘Enough – effing – owls,’ muttered Uncle Vernon distractedly, stomping over to the window and slamming it shut again.
Dear Mr Potter,
Further to our letter of approximately twenty-two minutes ago, the Ministry of Magic has revised its decision to destroy your wand forthwith. You may retain your wand until your disciplinary hearing on the twelfth of August, at which time an official decision will be taken.
Following discussions with the Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, the Ministry has agreed that the question of your expulsion will also be decided at that time. You should therefore consider yourself suspended from school pending further enquiries.
With best wishes,
Yours sincerely,
Mafalda Hopkirk
Improper Use of Magic Office
Ministry
