will you change clothes with me?
Charlie Ward. Faith, I'd swap soon enough if you weren't humbugging me. It's I that would look well with that suit on me! The peelers would all be touching their caps to me. You'd see them running out for me to sign summonses for them.
Paul Ruttledge. But I am not humbugging. I am in earnest.
Charlie Ward. In earnest! Then when I go back I'll commit Paddy Cockfight to prison for hitting me yesterday.
Paul Ruttledge. You don't believe me, but I will explain. I'm dead sick of this life; I want to get away; I want to escape – as you say, to pick up my living like the crows for a while.
Charlie Ward. To make your escape. Oh! that's different. [Coming closer.] But what is it you did? You don't look like one that would be in trouble. But sometimes a gentleman gets a bit wild when he has a drop taken.
Paul Ruttledge. Well, never mind. I will explain better while we are changing. Come over here to the potting shed. Make haste, those magistrates will be coming out.
Charlie Ward. The magistrates! Are they after you? Hurry on, then! Faith, they won't know you with this coat. [Looking at his rags.] It's a pity I didn't put on my old one coming out this morning.
[They go out through the garden. Thomas Ruttledgecomes down steps from house with Colonel Lawleyand Mr. Green.
Mr. Green. Yes, they have made me President of the County Horticultural Society. My speech was quite a success; it was punctuated with applause. I said I looked upon the appointment not as a tribute to my own merits, but to their public spirit and to the Society, which I assured them had come to stay.
Colonel Lawley. What has become of Paul and Father Jerome? I thought I heard their voices out here, and now they are conspicuous by their absence.
Thomas Ruttledge. He seems to have no friend he cares for but that Father Jerome.
Mr. Green. I wish he would come more into touch with his fellows.
Colonel Lawley. What a pity he didn't go into the army. I wish he would join the militia. Every man should try to find some useful sphere of employment.
Mr. Green. Thomas, your brother will never come to see me, though I often ask him. He would find the best people – people worth meeting – at my house. I wonder if he would join the Horticultural Society? I know I voice the sentiments of all the members in saying this. I spoke to a number of them at the function the other day.
Thomas Ruttledge. I wish he would join something. Joyce wants him to join the Masonic Lodge. It is not a right life for him to keep hanging about the place and doing nothing.
Mr. Green. He won't even come and sit on the Bench. It's not fair to leave so much of the work to me. I ought to get all the support possible from local men.
[Mrs. Ruttledgecomes down steps with Mr. Dowler, Mr. Algie, and Mr. Joyce. She is walking in front.
Mrs. Ruttledge. [To Thomas Ruttledge.] Oh! Thomas, isn't it too bad, Paul has lent the donkey to that friar. I wanted Mr. Joyce to see the children in their panniers. Do speak to him about it.
Thomas Ruttledge. Well, the donkey belongs to him, and for the matter of that so does the house and the place. It would be rather hard on him not to be able to use things as he likes.
Mr. Algie. What a pleasure it must be to Paul to have you and the little ones living here. He certainly owes you a debt of gratitude. Man was not born to live alone.
Mrs. Ruttledge. Well, I think we have done him good. He hasn't done anything for years, except mope about the house and cut the bushes into those absurd shapes, and now we are trying to make him live more like other people.
Colonel Lawley. He was always inclined to be a bit of a faddist.
Mrs. Ruttledge. [To Mr. Algie.] Do let me give you a lesson in croquet. I have learned all the new rules. [To Mr. Joyce.] Please bring me that basket of balls. [To Colonel Lawley.] Will you bring me the mallets? Yes, I am afraid he is a faddist. We have done our best for him, but he ought to be more with men.
Mr. Algie. Yes, Mr. Dowler was just saying he ought to try and be made a director of the new railway.
Colonel Lawley. The militia – the militia.
Mr. Joyce. It's a great help to a man to belong to a Masonic Lodge.
Mr. Green. The Horticultural Society is in want of new members.
Mrs. Ruttledge. Well, I wish he would join something.
Enter Paul Ruttledgein tinker's clothes, carrying a rabbit in his hand. Charlie Wardfollows in Paul'sclothes. All stand aghast.
Mr. Joyce. Good God!
[Drops basket. Colonel Lawley, who has mallets in his hand, at sight of Paul Ruttledgedrops them, and stands still.
Mrs. Ruttledge. Paul! are you out of your mind?
Thomas Ruttledge. For goodness' sake, Paul, don't make such a fool of yourself.
Mrs. Ruttledge. What on earth has happened, and who on earth is that man?
Paul Ruttledge. [Opens gate for tinker. To Charlie Ward.] Wait for me, my friend, down there by the cross-road.
[Charlie Wardgoes out.
Mr. Green. Has he stolen your clothes?
Paul Ruttledge. Oh! it's all right; I have changed clothes with him. I am going to join the tinkers.
All. To join the tinkers!
Paul Ruttledge. Life is getting too monotonous; I would give it a little variety. [To Mr. Green.] As you would say, it has been running in grooves.
Mr. Joyce. [To Mrs. Ruttledge.] This is only his humbugging talk; he never believes what he says.
[Paul Ruttledgegoes towards the steps.
Mrs. Ruttledge. Surely you are not going into the house with those clothes?
Paul Ruttledge. You are quite right. Thomas will go in for me. [To Thomas Ruttledge.] Just go to my study, will you, and bring me my despatch-box; I want something from it before I go.
Thomas Ruttledge. Where are you going to? I wish you would tell me what you are at.
Paul Ruttledge. The despatch-box is on the top of the bureau.
[Thomas Ruttledgegoes out.
Mr. Joyce. What does all this mean?
Paul Ruttledge. I will explain. [Sits down on the edge of iron table.] Did you never wish to be a witch, and to ride through the air on a white horse?
Mr. Joyce. I can't say I ever did.
Paul
