fatigue. One of my dearest friends, Robert Swafford, is incredibly outspoken about everything and he never minces words. He embraces all kinds of people, has a wide group of diverse friends, is inclusive and progressive and everything you'd hope a great employee in today's workforce would be. But he exclaimed to me one day as we were discussing this topic, “For crying out loud, can we please stop talking about diversity? Let's just go to work, respect each other, and figure it out as we go along! We get it!”
Even if you're one of the ones who “gets it,” the word “diversity” still carries a lot of baggage. It's not that people don't respect different cultures, races, ethnicities, and norms, it's just that there has been so much focus on diversity that people are simply tired of the subject, even though it's an important one.
That's one of two reasons I don't like the word “diversity.” The second reason is because, in my experience, people tend to think too narrowly about the word. They default to thinking about diversity in terms of racial and ethnic differences.
My definition of diversity is “any way that you can be different from me.” For example, if you have kids and I don't, we're going to be very different: we will have different priorities and face different pressures. The decisions that a parent makes will likely vary significantly from those that a nonparent makes. When you become a parent, your entire focus shifts, because it has to. Parents think about and evaluate everything differently than people who aren't parents. But that difference has nothing to do with race, ethnicity, or even gender. It simply has to do with parenthood versus nonparenthood.
I prefer to talk about diversity using the phrase “people not like you.” Every day, you are surrounded by people who are not like you. Sometimes the differences are obvious, such as a different skin color, ethnicity, gender, age, or disability. But there are numerous other ways that people are not like you, and some of those ways may not be apparent until you get to know someone.
Here is a list of some of the ways that people can be “not like you” – some are self‐explanatory, others require a bit of description. This is by no means a complete list of ways we can be diverse, but I'll bet there are a few here you haven't considered before:
• Different racial and ethnic groups
• Black, White, Asian, Native American, Pacific Islander, Hispanic/Latino, Middle Eastern, South Asian (Indian, Pakistani, etc.)
• Different religious groups and views
• Men and women
• Different ages and generations
• LGBTQ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and questioning – “questioning” includes those who may be unsure of their sexual orientation or preference, such as teens who are still developing and exploring, or those for whom sexuality and/or gender identity is more fluid)
• Introverts and extroverts
• Marital status (single, married, divorced, partnered, widowed)
• Parents and nonparents
• And within “parents,” there is no doubt that single parents have different lives and demands on them than two‐parent households
• Different levels of income and affluence
• Differing political views
• Different education levels
• Different cultural backgrounds – this would include different heritage, traditions, and customs, but can also include things that shape culture significantly. Examples of these include:
• Military versus civilian backgrounds/experience
• Rural versus metropolitan backgrounds
• North/South or East Coast/West Coast backgrounds
• White‐collar versus blue‐collar professions
• Differing physical, emotional and mental abilities
• Full‐time versus part‐time workers and “gig” workers
• Office workers versus telecommuters
• In some companies and organizations, the flexibility that some employees have in working from home is fostering resentment among those who can't. We'll tackle this issue, and others like it, in this book.
These are just a few of the ways we can be different from one another at work. I'm certain you could add to this list – it's endless. Recently, I was talking with a guy at a business conference about this subject, and he said, “Here's one for your list: gun owners versus non‐gun owners!” He was right! Shooting isn't just a sport or activity for many people; it's a culture. Gun owners collect and trade guns, practice shooting, and can't envision not having guns. Those who don't have guns can't envision having them – they see no reason for them. Another guy overheard us talking and chimed in with, “Here's another one: gamers versus nongamers!” It's so true! People who are really into video games don't see it as just a pastime or a hobby; they see it as a complete culture. It has its own language, rules, hierarchy, and status. These are two great examples of how people can be not like each other, but in both cases, the difference has nothing to do with race, ethnicity, age, or gender. As you think about your coworkers, what other ways can you identify that they can be “not like you”?
And here's something else to consider: if they are “not like you,” then they probably see you the same way —not like them.
All you want is to do your job and do it well, without conflict or drama. But there is this underlying level of anxiety and stress that stems from feeling like you have to walk on eggshells for fear of saying or doing the wrong thing. That's because your workplace today is made up of more people who come from diverse backgrounds than ever before. Diverse backgrounds mean that cultures, experiences, views, habits, and approaches will be different. And when you're faced with people, cultures, values, or approaches that are different and unfamiliar, it's stressful. It's out of your comfort zone. It's uncomfortable.
It's important to know three things right now:
1. You're not alone. Everyone feels this way! Yep, everyone.
2. The discomfort you feel is completely normal.
3. You're not a bad person if you're struggling to function effectively with diverse coworkers.
This last bullet point is especially important. There is so much attention and focus on the value of diversity, at work and in society, that if you question it or struggle with it, you're made to feel like a bad person.
In my opinion, the very fact that you're reading this book says that you get it– you want to work more effectively with diverse people and figure out how to overcome differences at work so that you can perform at the highest level. You want to resolve conflict, reduce friction, find common ground, and be the best coworker and team member you can be. You're not a bad person. You're an honest person, and you're doing your best to understand people, behaviors, or attitudes that may baffle you.
You are investing the time to learn because you care. You care enough about yourself, your company, your workplace, and your fellow workers to try to make things better. You don't want to just toil away at work. You want to contribute and succeed and be part of a high‐performing team. You want to help make the culture
