SENTENCE: Ann spends too much time surfing the internet.
Distinguishing Between the Three Englishes
Good grammar sounds like a great idea, but good is tough to pin down. Why? Because you know several “Englishes,” and the language that works in one situation is not suitable in another. Here’s what I mean. Imagine that you’re hungry. What do you say or write?
Wanna get something to eat? or c u in caf?
Do you feel like getting a sandwich?
Will you accompany me to the dining room?
These statements illustrate the three Englishes of everyday life. I call them friendspeak, conversational English, and formal English.
Before you choose, you need to know where you are and what’s going on. Most important, you need to know your audience.
Friendspeak is informal and filled with slang. Its sentence structure breaks all the rules that English teachers love. It’s the language of I know you and you know me and we can relax together. In friendspeak, the speakers are on the same level. They have nothing to prove to each other, and they’re comfortable with each other’s mistakes. In fact, they make some mistakes on purpose, just to distinguish their personal conversation from what they say on other occasions. Here’s a conversation in friendspeak:
Me and him are going to the gym. Wanna come?
He’s like, I did 60 push-ups, and I'm like, no way.
I doubt that the preceding conversation makes sense to many people, but the participants understand it quite well. Because they both know the whole situation (the guy they’re talking about gets muscle cramps after 4 seconds of exercise), they can talk in shorthand. They can write in shorthand, too, in texts such as c u in caf (which means “see you in the cafeteria”), tweets, instant messages, and similar communications between close friends.
For the most part, I don’t deal with friendspeak in this book. You already know it. In fact, you’ve probably created a version of it with anyone who’s your bff (best friend forever). In Chapter 16, I do explain some factors you should consider when you’re writing online – to your friends or to anyone else.
FLEEK GRAMMAR
Want to be in the in-crowd? Easy. Just create an out-crowd and you’re all set. How do you create an out-crowd? Manufacture a special language (slang) with your friends that no one else understands, at least until the media picks it up or someone earjacks you. (Earjack is slang for “secretly listen to.”) Slang is the ultimate friendspeak. You and your pals are on the inside, talking about a sketchy neighborhood (sketchy means “dangerous”). Everyone else is on the outside, wondering what fleek (awesome, exactly right) means. Should you use slang in your writing? Probably not, unless you’re dealing with a good friend. The goal of writing and speaking is communication, and slang may be a mystery to your intended audience. Also, because slang changes quickly, even a short time after you’ve written something, the meaning may be obscure. Instead of cutting-edge, you sound dated.
When you talk or write in slang, you also risk sounding uneducated. In fact, sometimes breaking the usual rules is the point of slang. In general, you should make sure that your readers know that you understand the rules before you start breaking them (the rules, not the readers) safely.
A step up from friendspeak is conversational English. Although not quite friendspeak, conversational English includes some warmth and informality. Conversational English doesn’t stray too far from English class rules, but it does break some. You can relax, but not completely. It’s the tone of most everyday speech, especially between equals. Conversational English is – no shock here – usually for conversations. Specifically, conversational English is appropriate in these situations:
❯❯ Chats with family members, neighbors, and acquaintances
❯❯ Informal conversations with teachers and co-workers
❯❯ Friendly conversations (if there are any) with supervisors
Conversational English also shows up in writing, where it creates a “just us friends” or “no big deal” tone. I’m using conversational English in this book because I’m pretending that I’m chatting with you, the reader, not teaching grammar in a classroom situation. Look for conversational English in these communications:
❯❯ Notes, emails, instant messages, tweets, and texts to acquaintances and friends
❯❯ Posts or comments on social media, blogs, and so on
❯❯ Friendly letters to relatives
❯❯ Letters to acquaintances who enjoy a warm, friendly tone
Conversational English has a breezy sound. Letters are dropped in contractions (don’t, I’ll, would’ve, and so forth). In written form, conversational English breaks punctuation rules, too. Sentences run together, and commas connect all sorts of things. Multiple punctuation marks (two or three exclamation points, for example) show strong emotion, especially in social media posts and texts.
You’re now at the pickiest end of the language spectrum: formal, grammatically correct speech and writing. Formal English displays the fact that you have an advanced vocabulary, a knowledge of etiquette, and command of standard rules of English usage. You may use formal English when you have less power, importance, and/or status than the other people in the conversation to demonstrate that you respect them. You may also speak or write in formal English when you have more power, importance, and/or status than the audience to create a tone of dignity or to provide a suitable role model for someone who is still learning. Situations that call for formal English include:
❯❯ Business letters or emails (from or between businesses as well as from individuals to businesses)
❯❯ Letters or emails to government officials
❯❯ Online comments posted to publications or government websites
❯❯ Office memos or emails
❯❯ Reports
❯❯ Homework
❯❯ Communications to teachers
❯❯ Speeches, presentations, oral reports
❯❯ Important conversations (for example, job interviews, college interviews, parole hearings, congressional inquiries, inquisitions, sessions with the principal in which you explain that unfortunate incident with the stapler, and so on)
Think
