the following statements:
‘I would like it to be nice and sunny every day when I wake up but I accept there is a chance that it might not be.’
‘The day MUST be nice and sunny when I wake up.’
The second example is unhealthy and irrational because it is unrealistic. Unhealthy beliefs do not make logical sense. What makes sense is to have a more healthy belief like: ‘I would like the day to be nice and sunny when I wake up, but it doesn't mean that it HAS to be.’
Healthy negative emotions and self-helping behaviours
It is easy to understand that if you hold a healthy belief about yourself or about certain things in your life, this will increase your chances of success. However, success is never guaranteed, so if you don't succeed you might feel upset and sad. Having healthy beliefs means that, while you might feel sad or upset if you failed, you would lick your wounds, dust yourself off and focus back on your goal. Instead of feeling guilty you might feel regret and look at ways of improving. Instead of feeling unhealthy anger or rage, you might feel annoyed. You would behave assertively without lashing out in a destructive way or giving up. You would believe that you are not a failure as a human being but rather that you are a fallible human being who is able to learn and improve.
Unhealthy negative emotions and self-destructive behaviours
It is not difficult to understand that if you have unhealthy beliefs about yourself and about certain things in your life, your feelings and behaviours are not going to be healthy.
According to the ABC model, unhealthy beliefs provoke unhealthy, negative emotions and self-damaging or destructive behaviours. Depression, anxiety, guilt and rage are examples of unhealthy negative emotions.
ANXIETY VS CONCERN
DEPRESSION VS SADNESS
ANGER/RAGE VS ANNOYANCE
HURT VS SORROW
GUILT VS REMORSE
SHAME VS REGRET
UNHEALTHY ENVY VS HEALTHY ENVY
UNHEALTHY JEALOUSY VS HEALTHY JEALOUSY
Exercise
Identify the different emotions in the example below and work out if they are healthy or unhealthy.
Sam is a 40-year-old man and has been married for three years. He is studying towards some professional qualifications and has to sit his final exams in a couple of months. He is finding it difficult to concentrate when he sits down to revise. He keeps thinking that he will fail and, whenever he tries to revise, he ends up doing other work. When his wife tells him to sit down and get on with it he slams his books shut and shouts at her. After his outburst he ends up begging for forgiveness and thinks that he is a bad person.
1 Answer at end of chapter
The following diagram illustrates key points in this chapter.
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