of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination.’
The big challenge is to get back in touch with what we value, what lights us up, what motivates us in life.
Once this is achieved, we can begin to take a fresh look at every area of our life. We can stand in a place of possibility and choice rather than resignation.
It is my experience that once individuals get a glimpse of who they could be, they become passionate about creating a life where they experience themselves as more fully engaged and expressed.
The innocence of children
As children we start out as positive, wide-eyed beings, willing to explore and get things wrong. At this early stage we do not have labels for these experiences, we are not preoccupied with success and failure, we just have experiences from which we learn.
Young children can drop an object from a table over and over again and find the whole process fascinating. Sooner or later the adults in our lives intervene and give us their view of the world. Eventually, we begin to adapt to other people's view of the world and how they view us.
We become preoccupied with seeking approval, conforming or rebelling. Expressing ourselves authentically and dropping the armour-plated coating we have developed to shield us from external criticism, becomes one of our biggest challenges.
Living in the gap
• Are you living ‘in the gap’ between where you are now and where you want to be?
• Do you yearn to do great things, but ultimately remain in your comfort zone arguing for your limitations?
• Does the experience of fulfilment remain just out of reach, unrequited, like the mythological lovers portrayed in frescos – always chasing the object of their affections but never quite catching them?
• Do you keep yourself stuck by holding on to pain?
• Do you keep part of you hidden from view for fear of being judged, misunderstood or rejected?
Look through these ten questions
Here is a taster of what we will be looking to do – some practical exercises to make this real. Just answer ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ to the following statements to find out how much you are living in the gap.
1. There is a part of you that remains hidden and unexpressed for fear of judgement.
2. You are constantly imagining a time in the future when you will be happy, e.g. when you have more money, have a better relationship, more freedom, are slimmer, have a bigger house …
3. You have internal voices that let you know you are not good enough and not worthy.
4. You often find yourself withdrawing by sleeping, drinking, smoking, eating, feeling ill, no energy.
5. You wake up feeling exhausted and wishing it was the end of the day when you can sleep.
6. You hate your commute to work.
7. You feel unappreciated by your boss, your husband, your wife …
8. You never have any time for yourself.
9. You can't remember the last time you really had a deep belly laugh and some great fun.
10. You feel unfulfilled and demotivated.
How many times did you answer Yes? The more Yeses you have, the bigger the gap to close!
I come across people all the time who are channelling too much energy into stuff that is not ultimately giving them a sense of satisfaction and fulfilment. They have become caught up in the rat race or are shackled with golden handcuffs in a job that pays well but to which they have sold out for a pension; most importantly they do not experience choice, what they do experience is ‘having to’.
The best things in life are free but are only available to anyone who has the intention, desire and vision to see beyond their limitations and present circumstances.
‘Your present circumstances don't determine where you can go; they merely determine where you start.’
The outcome you can expect
Do you want your life to be a manifestation of your deepest values, a life where you get to choose consciously where and who you spend your time with?
A life of choice, a life where you are in the driver's seat and you are the author of your universe?
Going through the step-by-step process outlined in this book, you will begin to create clarity and vision for your own life.
‘An unexamined life is not worth living.’
Throughout this book, you will be getting opportunities to do precisely this. To re-examine some of your decisions and choices with a view to dismantling old, outdated beliefs, negative self-talk and entrenched mindsets that have rendered you powerless.
In 2013, a fascinating study was performed by Bronnie Ware – a nurse in a terminal palliative care unit.
She decided to poll her patients in their last days in the hope of uncovering any regrets so others might learn. These were her findings:
‘The regrets touch upon being more genuine, not working so hard, expressing one's true feelings, staying in touch with friends and finding more joy in life.’
Bronnie Ware, author of The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying (Hay House)1
My experience aligns with this beautifully, I have sprinkled the book with case studies of people I have worked with who have had similar regrets. Luckily they are not on their deathbed, but they have had a wake up call in their life and are now fully focused on redressing the balance. These regrets are summarized as follows – can you identify with any of them?
1. Not having the courage to live a life true to yourself and instead living the life others expect of you.Are you living your dreams and honouring your dearest values?Are you following your heart or are you living a life to fulfil someone else's dream or to keep their approval? You have the freedom today to choose a different way to live your life. Use this book and the methods to help you journal your way to a better life.
2. Neglecting those closest to you or taking them for granted. Do you have a spouse and family you are neglecting for the sake of your work? When was the last time you put your kids to bed and read them a bedtime story? Our children are only children for a very short time, are you making memories you can all share today or are you waiting for a time when you are not so busy? ‘Time waits for no man’ and neither do your children, don't throw away their youth.
3. Not having the courage to express your feelings. Are you suppressing your feelings in order to keep peace with others? Are you hiding your true light behind a bushel, never expressing yourself truthfully for fear of offending or causing upset? Are you taking every opportunity to be up to date with your loved ones and friends or are you harbouring bitterness
For more information about Bronnie Ware and
