urgency has passed, the fire investigators need to come in and determine the reasons for the fire. And while their insights can't magically reverse the tragic event of a house burning down, if the investigators didn't come in after the fire was out, we'd never see changes to aspects such as building standards or efforts put into building evacuations. The truth is the high-pressure, rapid work of fire-fighting has saved countless lives, but the number of lives saved through carefully considered investigative methods and reporting is unimaginably more.
Sure, for some elements in your life you won't have the time to ask the real question about how you can work better, lead better, handle this situation differently. You'll just need to put the fire out. Now. Toddler running towards a busy road? No time to review your parenting skills, just grab that anklebiter! Work project due in six hours and your computer crashes? No time to research the latest laptop options and customer reviews, just get the damn thing in!
But (and this is a super-big but – like, a Nikki-Minaj-big but) you can't let everything become urgent. A part of you is yearning for the time and space to deal with the big, important issues. So let's not have that swamped. The onus is on you to make this space. My intent is that this book provides you with the permission to do that.
We're going to explore a new possibility as I present you with new ways of facing your day, managing your tasks, and taming your inner voice. You're going to find clarity in your decisions as I show you ways to get clear on your purpose. And I'm not talking exclusively about mahlife'spurpose – the huge stuff – but, importantly, all the other stuff. Like why you're meeting with Sally on Monday morning, and why you're washing up after the kids go to bed. Okay, finding a purpose for that last one might be a little harder but, for now, go with me on this – because when we can connect our daily tasks to what's important to us, the decisions and priority schedules become so much easier.
This book is broken into five parts. The first part addresses that whisper that occasionally builds into a roar, that question that rears its ugly head when it seems the whole world is going batshit-crazy (or when we can't see what to do next) – how do I get my shit together?
Once we've covered getting your shit together (GYST) in part I, we'll go through a simple self-diagnostic to help you identify what to focus on now to move away from three oft-felt cognitive states:
• Check Out: the sense that you don't actually belong in your world, along with the feeling that your contribution is without worth, and the simplest way to stop the pain is to turn up physically but not invest too much mentally or emotionally.
• Burn Out: the feeling you are on a treadmill that is dialled too fast for your legs, your brain and your talents to keep pace with, and that you'll fall down at any given moment. You dare not stop, though, and so just hold on tight.
• Freak Out: that overriding anxiety generated by having found a sense of direction, but feeling like you're struggling to take meaningful steps forward.
And you know what? If you read those three states and thought Omergawd. I'm in all three!, that's perfectly fine. Because I'm going to show you how to move from Check Out, Burn Out or Freak Out to a state that's much, much better: Stand Out.
So the remaining four parts of this book (parts II to V) will focus on key actions when we're in these four states. And the three chapters within each of these parts highlight the three key actions for each of the states. This book is your guide to these four states, but the reality is all of us spend time in all of the states. So when you find yourself in any of these states, use this book to work your way through them. This is your compass when you're in the rough seas.
In many chapters you'll also come across a ‘life hack'. These life hacks are practical challenges based on psychological research and are opportunities to jolt the broken record of your current behaviours and step into new behaviours. These life hacks may stretch you, and in some cases you may even want to dismiss them, saying something like, ‘That'll never work for me'. But let's cut a deal. If you give them a go, I'll promise not to say ‘I told yer so!' when they do work. You see, the actions and suggestions within this book aren't plucked from the sky; they're born of science. They work. And if you're ever in doubt, dial up your curiosity for something different. Maybe, just maybe, another approach would be interesting to explore. There is great truth in the old adage, ‘If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always got'. Lean into these challenges and consider the learnings that arise for you – something just might shift as you do.
IT'S YOUR TIME TO STAND OUT
So, I have a confession to make. I listen to Keith Urban (by choice), and sometimes I fart while doing yoga. Okay, that was two confessions but, hey, I figured we've gotten to know each other by now. #BFFs #deepandmeaningful
I'm a really long way from living the perfect life. But I wouldn't swap it for all the shoes in Carrie Bradshaw's walk-in wardrobe. Seriously, how did we get to this point where we need everything to be perfect before we can start? The house, the clothes, the car, the waistline, the white teeth; if we just wait till they're all perfect, then I can get about the task of being awesome. But it's a furphy, fool's gold and a mirage all wrapped up in one. Now is the time to stand out – like, this very second.
Typically, I come across amazing men and women who hold themselves back because they're not sure if it's their time. They're afraid of push back, of being judged, of being isolated from their peers and loved ones. Of course, to change oneself is to be different from the norm, so we fit in. Stay the same. Join the herd.
Being invited to stand out is scary, and it's easier to not do it; to let others have the limelight and shelve our own plans for awesomeness until we're really ready. In some ways, it is easy to see why we default to helping others in front of ourselves. We get so much by giving to others, and by lifting them up.
Here's the thing, though: it's not mutually exclusive. Scarcity thinking makes us believe it is, but we live in abundance. We can do both things. We can stand out in our life and lift others up. In fact, we owe it to the men and women who come after us to stand out. Wouldn't you want your daughter to know that it's possible to feel comfortable in a space that has previously been held only for the ‘boys' clubs', for example, and to stand on her own two feet, comfortable in her own skin? Wouldn't you want your son to have the confidence to say when it's all too much and find his way back healthily from the brink of pressure?
I wrote this book for my daughter, who is strong-willed, spirited, adventure-loving and curious, and whose gifts to the world need to be shared. I wrote this book for my mum, who set the example of how showing vulnerability is one of the hardest endeavours, and the only thing that truly ties us together (even when it's tough and others don't like what they see in the mirror). I wrote this book for my son, whose kind heart will be threatened by an archaic macho male culture's attempts to harden it, yet who will be capable of flipping the tables and becoming a leader of men through love, not force, if he chooses.
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