networks are difficult for women to access: “Twenty years ago, men were pretty overt about the fact that they didn't really care to make an effort to include women in their inner circle. I think, at this point, it's less overt, but it still exists. And there are different reasons. I think there's definitely an element of men feeling like, if they say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing, they're going to get sued for harassment. So, they need to keep their guard up.”
“Sometimes I think there's a ‘women versus men’ type of thing, just in terms of the kind of things that men will do together – and they won't invite women. Not even for drinks.”
Lisa tells the story of how a senior manager at the bank with whom she had a great relationship did not invite her on an all-day fishing trip, yet invited all her male counterparts. Lisa had lunch with him a couple of weeks later and asked him, “If you knew I liked to fish, would you have invited me?” And he said, “Probably not.”
She says, “It was a man who I respected, who I knew liked me very much – and who was very much a straitlaced guy, and there was never any question that he treated men and women equally. But then, there's the off-campus event, and he didn't invite me. It's these types of events where people let their guard down. That's where people talk about things that you may not talk about in a formal meeting. And that's where you build relationships. To be excluded from that because you're a woman excludes you from those important conversations.”
To Lisa's point, she may never get invited on fishing trips with her male colleagues. She may never be asked to go to Monday night football events because she's a woman. You may have had similar experiences. It is still important to find opportunities to connect and build relationships with these men so they can get to know you beyond your work and your presence in formal meetings. Stay tuned, because access to these informal networks is achievable with political savvy. It is possible to create bonds with the men in these networks even if they don't include you in their activities after work. You have to be creative and make it happen!
Another thing I've learned listening to women is that they understand the importance of “leaning in” and asking for what they want and need, but when they assert themselves, it can backfire because some men are threatened by their assertiveness.
Lori relates her current challenge with “leaning in” at her company: “The higher you get in an organization, the older the men are that you're dealing with, and the less receptive they are to assertive females. I surprise men when I am assertive. And it disturbs them at some very basic level. And those are the folks who are my audience. They're who I need to persuade, and who I need to have some confidence in my capabilities and my leadership. And if I strike them personally on a level that makes them uncomfortable, it puts me automatically behind the eight ball. Their basic understanding of female behavior is challenged. I'm looking for collaboration and some equal footing – something they would gladly give somebody my age who was a man with a family and demographic that they have.”
Do you get a similar reaction from men when you speak up or offer a different opinion? Isn't it worth your while to know who would be most receptive to your ideas and the optimal way to communicate with them to avoid land mines? That requires political savvy!
Unconscious bias rears its ugly head in other ways as well. Bias shows up in the stereotypes men and women have relative to work and leadership. For example, I hear from women that they are no longer considered ambitious once they have children. They are frequently passed over for positions that require more travel. We can experience this type of bias from both men and women who hold beliefs that women who are mothers should behave in a certain fashion. And of course, we still earn less money than our male counterparts.
Here's Elizabeth's story: “When I was pregnant with my first son, the woman who had hired me had been appointed to a new job as an individual contributor and another woman came in to take over the group. This woman decided who got the really high-level corporate assignments. Well, I saw these assignments going to other folks. So, I made an appointment with her, and when I walked into her office, I said, ‘Arden, can you help me understand why I'm not getting any of these opportunities?’ And she did actually say to me, ‘Well, I didn't know how willing you were to travel.’ And I said, ‘But you never asked me. You made that assumption for me.’ You could see that she just never considered that I would want to travel, and it was a really good opportunity. She did end up being very open about giving everybody opportunity. I could see how it changed her approach. She stopped making assumptions about what people would say.”
In this situation, Elizabeth confronted the woman and asked her directly why she wasn't getting the same high-profile assignments others were offered. If she had not asked the question, she never would have known the reason why she was repeatedly passed over.
There are people in your organization that make assumptions about you because you're a woman. It is not always obvious why we are not given the same opportunities as others. It's critical, therefore, to clearly communicate your goals to your boss and other decision makers who have influence over your career.
How you position yourself in the company with key stakeholders is critical to overcoming this bias. Learning how to effectively articulate your career aspirations and your achievements is an important aspect of political savvy. Identifying the people who would benefit from this information is another critical component.
Another challenge women face is a lack of confidence. Do you wake up at 3 AM in a sweat because you're wondering if you have what it takes to succeed, if others will discover you really aren't that smart? Our internal demons can hold us back. Many women tell me that they believe they aren't good enough to make it and that it is pure luck that they have achieved any success. Their self-doubt prevents them from speaking up and giving their opinions, from asking for more compensation and responsibility. I hear from these women that because they have a need to be liked and please others, they take on too much work and don't delegate. As a consequence, they are not perceived as having leadership potential in an environment that rewards visibility and credibility.
Lack of confidence holds many women back from engaging in politics and leaning in. What I have come to realize through my coaching practice and discussions with women is that many of us don't understand our contribution to business outcomes. We don't recognize our value. Identifying your value proposition is the necessary first step to understanding and believing in your contribution to the company. It inspires your confidence to put forth your ideas and ask for what you deserve. It fuels your ability to build relationships of trust and influence by offering to help others based on your value proposition. These relationships assist you in navigating the workplace by giving you important information about its politics and by promoting you for new opportunities.
In this book, you will learn the significance of self-promotion as both a leadership skill and a political tool. You will learn savvy ways to communicate what you and your team have accomplished and how to sell your ideas across the organization to build political influence.
I'm sure you can relate to some or perhaps all of these examples of barriers to women's advancement. You live with this every day! And yes, we can look internally (our own limiting beliefs), externally (unconscious bias and gender inequality), and every which way to explain the lack of women's progress. Women are still viewed and judged differently than men in the workplace – and this is sometimes subtle and therefore challenging. But political savvy is understanding the culture, whatever it is, and then learning how to best position yourself, given the reality. You cannot ignore the politics any longer if you want to advance your career. Political savvy helps you successfully circumvent the land mines and position yourself for success. Gender bias is just one obstacle you must be aware of when navigating through the workplace.
You deserve to move up.
If you are working really hard and want to get ahead, you certainly don't want to be passed over or pushed aside, right? Well, then, let this be a wake-up call for you. You
