Is it fair to all concerned?
• Will it build goodwill and better friendships?
• Will it be beneficial to all concerned?”
These definitions are more closely aligned with my views. I especially like the idea that core values create unwavering and unchanging guides that determine everything we do.
I contend that most people haven't spent much time determining the unwavering, unchanging guides that direct everything they do. For the most part, neither have most businesses. Or most churches. Or most schools. Neither has society.
To be clear, I'm not talking about rules or regulations. And I'm not talking about laws. There is no shortage of rules, regulations, or laws and we are still in a mess. So, obviously, the fix to our problems is not more laws for society or rules and regulations for our businesses. It has to go deeper.
What are your core values? Have you ever given it much thought? Do you even know where to start?
Stuff bothers me. Sometimes, stuff bothers me a lot! As you read this book, that fact will become completely evident to you. But here is something I firmly believe:
It's not what bothers you that matters, it's what has stopped bothering you.
I never want to reach the point that things stop bothering me. Too many have done that already. By the way, I completely understand that the made-up world is sometimes more attractive than the one we actually live in and that we all need an escape from time to time. I get it. But you can't fix the real problems of the real world when you stop paying attention or bury your head in the sand. And in this case, sand means five hours of television per day and nine hours of playing on your device (i.e. your phone, iPad, or laptop).
I care about things and want them to get better. Because of that, I consciously work at staying bothered, although it really doesn't take much work. I know that flies in the face of some of what many of you believe. If you like a world of nothing but positivity and your Facebook cover photo is a unicorn with a rainbow, then you are going to think, “How sad, Larry; you work at being bothered,” all while shaking your pretty little head and saying, “tsk, tsk.” Yes, I do work at staying bothered. Because when I stop being bothered by injustice, dishonesty, a lack of integrity, and by what is wrong in the world, I will stop bothering to try to make it better. I couldn't live with myself if I just stopped bothering to make things better.
Yet, that seems to be what has happened. People aren't much bothered and they aren't bothering to fix the few things that are bothering them. Parents have stopped bothering to teach their kids about life and money and respect and how to be self-sufficient. Managers have stopped bothering to make sure employees come in on time. They have stopped being bothered by missed commitments and upset customers. The government has stopped bothering with creating jobs and expecting people to take care of themselves because it's easier to just write them a check not to work rather than going to the trouble of creating jobs so they can go to work. Overall, people and institutions have stopped being bothered with the mess we are in except to complain about it.
What I hear from most folks is a whole lot of “oh well” when what I really would love to hear is “oh hell no!”
Maybe it's because they feel things are so bad that they're too far gone to fix.
Maybe it's because they don't know where to start.
Maybe it's because they don't know what to do to fix what's wrong.
Maybe it's because they never gave much thought to what was causing the problem so they just can't comprehend how all this could happen.
Maybe they have resigned themselves to the idea that the world is going down the tubes anyway, so nothing they do is going to make any difference. After all, how much difference can one person really make in the big scheme of things?
Maybe it's because they got lured into the idea that things aren't as bad as the Pollyanna liberal media or the mean-spirited conservative media (take your pick) has made it out to be. (I actually believe it is much worse than any of the media sources have made it out to be.)
Maybe it's because they honestly don't care about what happens. There really are people who don't care. They live in their own little world and as long as it doesn't affect them personally, they don't care what's going on. I hear these excuses all the time: “I don't have any money in the stock market, so I don't care.” “I don't vote so it doesn't matter to me who the president is.” “I'm old and not going to be around much longer, so I don't care what happens to the planet.”
Maybe it's because they are lazy. Way too many recognize the problem and know they could contribute to fixing it but are just too lazy to put out any effort to turn things around.
Maybe it's because they are afraid to speak up. Sadly, too many people just won't speak up for fear of being ridiculed, made fun of, or put down in some way. Speaking up and expressing their opinion might offend someone and they certainly don't want to do that.
And maybe, just maybe, it's that they think we are headed in the right direction.
This last group scares me the most. And there are plenty of people in this category. I hear from them every day. They tell me that my thoughts on personal responsibility and doing the right thing and being committed to paying my bills are old school. I regularly get hate mail in which people wish horrible things on me, my health, and even my family just because I take a stand for what they consider to be outdated, silly values. They argue that the country is finally starting to turn around and care about others and about the planet and about eating right. They claim that we are finally becoming a caring society of people with expanded consciousness instead of greedy, capitalistic slaves to corporate thinking.
Horseshit. Yep, let's get it said early and call it what it is. We aren't nearly as nice to others or about others as we pretend to be. People always overestimate their own “goodness.” I say that you can be rich and they say that you should be abundant, and because they claim to be spiritual it is as if their money is somehow better than mine. It's called being self-righteous, and no one is better at it than we have become. Remember, we are the society that will push people down and kick them on Black Friday to save $10 on a pair of Air Jordans.
The ridiculous notion that the world is becoming a better place is nothing but an ill-informed distraction to rationalize our lack of values.
Our values are slipping and it shows up in every area of our society, and it terrifies me that people have convinced themselves this isn't the case.
Let's figure out what your values are. It's not that hard; all you have to do is figure out what is bothering you.
So what bothers you? Seriously, I want to know exactly what bothers you? Unless you articulate it, write it down, and make a commitment to doing your small part in fixing it, it's just complaining. So take a few moments and find a sheet of paper and write down what bothers you most.
Things that don't bother you at all are not in conflict with your core values. Things that bother you a lot are in big conflict with your core values.
Stop for a moment and think on that idea.
Things bother you in direct proportion to how much they are in conflict with your core values.
The things that piss me off the most are the things that go against my core values the most. I can't tolerate being lied to. You
