Gipper (Ronald Reagan in his second-most-famous role) in Knute Rockne, All American. It can make players play harder, forget their shortcomings, and literally change the fate of the game. This pep talk isn't just about getting your adrenaline going; it's about putting PEP into learning the lessons of negotiation.
PEP
Participate Be open to change. Read. Reread. Question.
Engage Throw yourself into this endeavor. Challenge yourself.
Personalize Relate what you learn to your career and your life.
If you read this book passively, you'll be cheating yourself. If you Participate, Engage, and Personalize you'll become a better negotiator, faster. Do the exercises in the book; ask others to help you practice; role play. Don't skip over parts you find difficult or unpleasant.
What I hear, I forget. What I read, I remember. What I do, I understand.
No, this isn't a normal textbook approach. But that's the point. To be more effective in negotiation, you have to stop using the same old “normal” approach. To harness the Power of Nice, you have to want change, accept change, and throw yourself into that change. The results will be worth it.
What Negotiation Isn't
People who fight fire with fire usually end up with ashes.
Think of the word “negotiation.” Quick, what images come to mind? Conflict? Confrontation? Battle? War? Or maybe: Debate? Logic? Science?
These are common interpretations that have fueled the negative approach to negotiation and are dead wrong.
Contrary to the fictionalized, Hollywood-ized, and ripped-from-the-headlines versions of larger-than-life moguls and the big-bucks business world that, up to a point, never seem to lose, from the investment bankers in Barbarians at the Gate, to Gordon Gekko in Wall Street, to Lehman Brothers in Too Big to Fail, to Jordan Belfort in The Wolf of Wall Street– dealmaking shouldn't be a stare-down in a stud poker game, a shoot-out at the O.K. Corral, hand-to-hand combat, a high-tech military maneuver, or an all-out atomic war. Despite the macho, swaggering, in-your-face lingo – winner take all, out for blood, call their bluff, raise the stakes, battle-scarred, make 'em beg for mercy, first one to blink, an offer they can't refuse, nuke 'em, meltdown, go for the kill, last man standing – negotiation isn't about getting the other side to wave a flag and surrender. Negotiation is not war.
Despite all the clinical, logical, rational, psychological, data-sifting analysis, graphs, pie charts, methods, and techniques from MBAs, CPAs, CEOs, shrinks, mediators, mediums, gurus, and astrologers, negotiation is not a science.
The problem is that war stories tell well. Wars have heroes and enemies and simplistic lessons: Take no prisoners. To the victor belong the spoils. (But war, you may have noticed, can lead to more war.) And science sounds like a formula. If you do A, he'll do B, and you'll arrive at C. Maybe. Unless he does D and then what do you do?
Negotiation as war and negotiation as science have each contributed to the popularity of the negative image of dealmaking, one by perpetuating the myth that the biggest, toughest thug wins and the other by way of the equally erroneous proposition that the coldest, least human calculator prevails.
Cultural conditioning (magazines, TV, movies, best-selling books, infomercials) has reduced dealmaking to images of brutal combat – often making great entertainment on film but lousy negotiation in reality. Gordon Gekko, the classic tough-guy negotiator from the movie Wall Street, played business hardball and never seemed to lose. (This is the movies, not life.) You may recall one scene where Gekko showed an adversary how the game is played (or Hollywood's version, anyway). In the scene, the well-dressed and self-impressed Sir Larry Wildman tries to bully Gekko into selling his shares of stock cheap so Wildman can pull off a takeover deal. Gekko, of course, is too shrewd to succumb to Wildman's intimidation. Gekko's protègè, Bud Fox, watches and learns. It went something like this:
Wall Street*:
INT. GEKKO DEN – NIGHT
Wildman
I'm announcing a tender offer at 65 tomorrow. I'm expecting your commitment.
Gekko
Showdowns bore me, Larry. Nobody wins. You can have the company. In fact, it's gonna be fun watching you and your giant ego try to make a horserace of it… (turns to Bud) Buddy, what's a fair price for that stock?
Bud
The breakup value is higher. It's worth 80.
Gekko
Well, we don't want to be greedy, so what do you say to 72?
Wildman
You're a two-bit pirate and green-mailer, nothing more, Gekko. Not only would you sell your mother to make a deal, you'd send her COD.
Gekko
My mail is the same color as yours is, pal. Or at least it was until the Queen started calling you “Sir.” Now, you'll excuse me, all right, before I just lose my temper.
Wildman
…71.
Gekko
Well now, considering you brought my mother into it, 71.50.
Wildman
Done. You'll hear from my lawyers tomorrow. Eight a.m. Good night.
Gekko
Well, he's right. I had to sell. The key to the game is your capital reserves. You don't have enough, you can't piss in the tall weeds with the big dogs.
Bud
“All warfare is based on deception…” Sun Tzu. “If your enemy is superior, evade him. If angry, irritate him. If equally matched, fight. And if not, split… reevaluate.”
Gekko
Hey, hey, hey, he's learnin', huh? Buddy's learnin'.
* Excerpt from Wall Street ©1987 Courtesy of Twentieth Century Fox. Written by Stanley Weisner & Oliver Stone. All rights reserved.
The Hollywood version of dealmaking makes good entertainment; it just doesn't make for good deals. The person on the other side of the table doesn't have to stick to the script.
Now, think of the word “negotiation” again. In order to practice the Power of Nice, start by wiping out everything you knew, thought, or felt about negotiation. Forget about winners and losers. Forget about verdicts. Forget about survivors and victims. Forget about keeping score. Forget about statistics. Forget about science. Forget about war.
Going into negotiation and counting on scientific results is like betting on the weather. If the forecast calls for a 20 percent chance of rain and you leave your umbrella home and it rains, you won't get 20 percent wet; you'll get soaked.
If you go into negotiation expecting war, bring a flak jacket. If you're armed
