to anguish. In the background she could hear unfamiliar noises, lots of conversations, and ringing telephones.
“What’s happened?” she asked, starting to feel panicked. “Where are you?”
“Hospital.”
“Oh my God, why?” Keira’s heart began to race with terror, her mind going into overdrive. “Are you hurt? Sick?”
“It’s not me,” Shane said. “I’m fine. It’s my dad.”
Keira brought a picture of Shane’s father, Calum Lawder, to the forefront of her mind. He was one of the kindest, sweetest people she’d ever had the privilege of meeting. To think something had happened to him was awful.
“Is he okay? Tell me what’s going on.”
Shane sighed deeply. “He’ll be fine now they’ve operated.”
Keira felt her bones turn to ice. “Operated?” she cried.
“I’ve been in Accident and Emergency all day. He had a heart attack. They had to put a stent in. It’s a miracle he’s alive. If it hadn’t have been for the fact there was a heart surgeon in the hospital this morning for a scheduled appointment he wouldn’t have made it.”
“Oh, Shane, I’m so sorry,” Keira replied, feeling her chest clenching with anguish. She wished she could reach inside the phone and pluck Shane through it, smother him in care and affection. “How is your mom? Your sisters?”
“We’re okay,” Shane replied. “Still all in shock, to be honest. Especially Hannah.”
Keira thought of Shane’s youngest sister, the golden-haired sixteen-year-old she’d bonded with in particular. “Poor kid,” she replied. Suddenly now didn’t seem like the time to discuss Shane’s upcoming visit. It didn’t feel right to talk about all their exciting plans after the scare Shane had just experienced. “How is Calum now?”
“He’s awake and joking around, but I can tell he’s just trying to put on a brave face for the rest of us.”
“I’m so sorry, babe,” Keira said. “I wish I could be with you to support you, but I guess I’ll just have to store up all my hugs for the next week until you arrive.”
On the other end of the phone, Shane was silent. All Keira could hear were the ringing telephones of the busy hospital, bleeping machines, the faint sound of sirens, and the general hustle and bustle of medical staff completing their duties.
“It sounds chaotic there,” she added when Shane still remained mute.
“Keira,” he said, cutting off the end of her sentence.
Keira didn’t like the sound of his tone. She got the distinct impression that Shane was about to break bad news.
“What…?” she asked, drawing the sound of the word out like it was a wince.
“I’m going to have to cancel the trip,” Shane stated.
Keira could tell he was devastated just by the sound of his voice. Her own voice dropped into a pained whisper. “Really?”
“I’m sorry,” Shane responded. “But I have to be here. For Mum and the girls. They’re in pieces right now. I would feel like a jerk if I swanned off to New York City and left them all.”
“But it’s not for a week,” Keira replied. “Won’t things have calmed down by then? Calum will be back on his feet. And you won’t be away for that long anyway. Only a week. It’s not like you’re staying for a month or anything crazy like that. They’ll be fine without you for a few days. I mean, they cope without you once a year when you’re doing your tour guide thing in Lisdoonvarna.”
She could tell she was rambling now, and coming across as more than a little desperate. But she’d been so looking forward to seeing Shane again, to bringing him into her world like he’d had the chance to do for her in his. Waiting was so difficult, the absence so painful to endure. Not to mention all the money she’d put toward his flights, everything she’d splurged on – all those prebooked activities that didn’t have cancellation policies. She could have used her bonus from Elliot toward her accommodations instead of staying on Bryn’s couch ruining her back. Could she even afford to reschedule the trip? It wasn’t like Shane had much money that he could contribute.
“My dad almost died, Keira,” Shane told her bluntly. “It’s not the same thing as me spending a month away from home once a year.”
“I know,” she said, meekly. “I don’t mean to be selfish. It’s just that I miss you so much.”
“I miss you too,” Shane replied, sighing deeply.
Keira’s throat felt thick with unhappiness. But she didn’t want to dwell, especially when it hadn’t been her relative in the ER. She made the decision to brighten up.
“I suppose there’s nothing to be done,” she said, sounding calmer than she really felt. “Let’s just sort out a date now so we don’t leave the trip in limbo. I don’t know how well I’ll cope not being able to count down the days.” She chuckled, trying to give the impression that she was way more okay than she really felt.
Once again, there was no reply from Shane. In the space where his voice should be, Keira could instead only hear the sound of a receptionist giving someone directions to the kidney dialysis ward.
“Shane?” she asked, timidly, when she’d had just about enough of the silence as she could stand.
Finally he spoke.
“I don’t think I can book another date,” Shane told her.
“Because of your dad? Shane, he’ll be better before you know it. Back on his feet, back to running the farm. I promise you, by November everything will be back to normal. Or if you prefer we could aim for December. That gives him ages to get back to work.”
“Keira,” Shane interrupted.
She snapped her lips shut, stopping the stream of consciousness that she knew she was engaging in as an avoidance tactic, to delay what she feared was coming next, a way of pausing the terrible inevitability of what Shane was about to say.
“I can’t come,” he stated. “Ever.”
Keira felt her hands begin to shake. Her phone felt suddenly clammy in her hand, like she didn’t have a proper grip on it.
“Then I’ll come to Ireland,” she said, meekly. “I don’t mind being the one to travel if you don’t feel able to. I loved Ireland. I can come to you again.”
“That’s not what I mean.”
Keira knew what he meant, but she didn’t want to believe it. She wasn’t about to let Shane give up at the first hurdle. Their love was greater than that, more important and special. She’d have to convince him otherwise, even if it meant sounding desperate or becoming, in Bryn’s words, too reliant.
She listened to the sound of Shane take a deep, sad inhalation. “I’m needed on the farm, with my family. Ireland is my home. I can’t move anywhere else.”
“No one’s talking about moving,” Keira replied.
“But
