Further Foolishness. Stephen Leacock

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Further Foolishness - Stephen Leacock

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with Itch, the serving man.

      "Itch," he asked, "what is morality?" But Itch didn't know. In his simple life he had never heard of it.

      At times people came to the house—Snip, the schoolmaster, who could read and write, and Cinch, the harness maker, who made harness.

      Once there came Popoff, the inspector of police, in his blue coat with fur on it. He stood in front of the fire writing down the names of all the people in the house. And when he came to Itch, Serge noticed how Itch trembled and cowered before Popoff, cringing as he brought a three-legged stool and saying, "Sit near the fire, little father; it is cold." Popoff laughed and said, "Cold as Siberia, is it not, little brother?" Then he said, "Bare me your arm to the elbow, and let me see if our mark is on it still." And Itch raised his sleeve to the elbow and Serge saw that there was a mark upon it burnt deep and black.

      "I thought so," said Popoff, and he laughed. But Yump, the cook, beat the fire with a stick so that the sparks flew into Popoff's face. "You are too near the fire, little inspector," she said. "It burns."

      All that evening Itch sat in the corner of the kitchen, and Serge saw that there were tears on his face.

      "Why does he cry?" asked Serge.

      "He has been in Siberia," said Yump as she poured water into the great iron pot to make soup for the week after the next.

      Serge grew more thoughtful each year.

      All sorts of things, occurrences of daily life, set him thinking. One day he saw some peasants drowning a tax collector in the river. It made a deep impression on him. He couldn't understand it. There seemed something wrong about it.

      "Why did they drown him?" he asked of Yump, the cook.

      "He was collecting taxes," said Yump, and she threw a handful of cups into the cupboard.

      Then one day there was great excitement in the town, and men in uniform went to and fro and all the people stood at the doors talking.

      "What has happened?" asked Serge.

      "It is Popoff, inspector of police," answered Itch. "They have found him beside the river."

      "Is he dead?" questioned Serge.

      Itch pointed reverently to the ground—"He is there!" he said.

      All that day Serge asked questions. But no one would tell him anything. "Popoff is dead," they said. "They have found him beside the river with his ribs driven in on his heart."

      "Why did they kill him?" asked Serge.

      But no one would say.

      So after this Serge was more perplexed than ever.

      Every one noticed how thoughtful Serge was.

      "He is a wise boy," they said. "Some day he will be a learned man. He will read and write."

      "Defend us!" exclaimed Itch. "It is a dangerous thing."

      One day Liddoff, the priest, came to the house with a great roll of paper in his hand.

      "What is it?" asked Serge.

      "It is the alphabet," said Liddoff.

      "Give it to me," said Serge with eagerness.

      "Not all of it," said Liddoff gently. "Here is part of it," and he tore off a piece and gave it to the boy.

      "Defend us!" said Yump, the cook. "It is not a wise thing," and she shook her head as she put a new lump of clay in the wooden stove to make it burn more brightly.

      Then everybody knew that Serge was learning the alphabet, and that when he had learned it he was to go to Moscow, to the Teknik, and learn what else there was.

      So the days passed and the months. Presently Ivan Ivanovitch said, "Now he is ready," and he took down a bag of rubles that was concealed on a shelf beside the wooden stove in the kitchen and counted them out after the Russian fashion, "Ten, ten, and yet ten, and still ten, and ten," till he could count no further.

      "Protect us!" said Yump. "Now he is rich!" and she poured oil and fat mixed with sand into the bread and beat it with a stick.

      "He must get ready," they said. "He must buy clothes. Soon he will go to Moscow to the Teknik and become a wise man."

      Now it so happened that there came one day to the door a drosky, or one-horse carriage, and in it was a man and beside him a girl. The man stopped to ask the way from Itch, who pointed down the post road over the plain. But his hand trembled and his knees shook as he showed the way. For the eyes of the man who asked the way were dark with hate and cruel with power. And he wore a uniform and there was brass upon his cap. But Serge looked only at the girl. And there was no hate in her eyes, but only a great burning, and a look that went far beyond the plain, Serge knew not where. And as Serge looked, the girl turned her face and their eyes met, and he knew that he would never forget her. And he saw in her face that she would never forget him. For that is love.

      "Who is that?" he asked, as he went back again with Itch into the house.

      "It is Kwartz, chief of police," said Itch, and his knees still trembled as he spoke.

      "Where is he taking her?" said Serge.

      "To Moscow, to the prison," answered Itch. "There they will hang her and she will die."

      "Who is she?" asked Serge. "What has she done?" and as he spoke he could still see the girl's face, and the look upon it, and a great fire went sweeping through his veins.

      "She is Olga Ileyitch," answered Itch, "She made the bomb that killed Popoff, the inspector, and now they will hang her and she will die."

      "Defend us!" murmured Yump, as she heaped more clay upon the stove.

      CHAPTER II

      Serge went to Moscow. He entered the Teknik. He became a student. He learned geography from Stoj, the professor, astrography from Fudj, the assistant, together with giliodesy, orgastrophy and other native Russian studies.

      All day he worked. His industry was unflagging. His instructors were enthusiastic. "If he goes on like this," they said, "he will some day know something."

      "It is marvellous," said one. "If he continues thus, he will be a professor."

      "He is too young," said Stoj, shaking his head. "He has too much hair."

      "He sees too well," said Fudj. "Let him wait till his eyes are weaker."

      But all day as Serge worked he thought. And his thoughts were of Olga Ileyitch, the girl that he had seen with Kwartz, inspector of police. He wondered why she had killed Popoff, the inspector. He wondered if she was dead. There seemed no justice in it.

      One day he questioned his professor.

      "Is the law just?" he said. "Is it right to kill?"

      But Stoj shook his head, and would not answer.

      "Let us go on with our orgastrophy," he said. And he trembled so that the chalk shook in his hand.

      So Serge questioned no further, but he thought more deeply still. All the way from the Teknik

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