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Cosmic Ordering
How To Make Your Dreams Come True
Jonathan Cainer
Be careful what you wish for…
Once upon a time, and be sure ’twas a long time ago, there lived a poor woodman in a great forest, and every day of his life he went out to fell timber.
So one day he started out, and the good wife filled his wallet and slung his bottle on his back, that he might have meat and drink in the forest. He had marked out a huge old oak, which, thought he, would furnish many and many a good plank.
And when he was come to it, he took his axe in his hand and swung it round his head as though he were minded to fell the tree at one stroke. But he hadn’t given one blow, when what should he hear but the most pitiful entreating, and there stood before him a fairy who prayed and beseeched him to spare the tree.
He was dazed, as you may fancy, with wonderment and affright, and he couldn’t open his mouth to utter a word. But he found his tongue at last, and, ‘Well,’ said he, ‘I’ll e’en do as thou wishest.’
‘You’ve done better for yourself than you know,’ answered the fairy, ‘and to show I’m not ungrateful, I’ll grant you your next three wishes, be they what they may.’
And therewith the fairy was no more to be seen, and the woodman slung his wallet over his shoulder and his bottle at his side, and off he started home.
But the way was long, and the poor man was regularly dazed with the wonderful thing that had befallen him, and when he got home there was nothing in his noddle but the wish to sit down and rest. Maybe, too, ’twas a trick of the fairy’s. Who can tell?
Anyhow, down he sat by the blazing fire, and as he sat he waxed hungry, though it was a long way off suppertime yet.
‘Hasn’t thou naught for supper, dame?’ said he to his wife.
‘Nay, not for a couple of hours yet,’ said she.
‘Ah!’ groaned the woodman, ‘I wish I’d a good link of black pudding here before me.’
No sooner had he said the word, when clatter, clatter, rustle, rustle, what should come down the chimney but a link of the finest black pudding the heart of man could wish for.
If the woodman stared, the good wife stared three times as much. ‘What’s all this?’ says she.
Then all the morning’s work came back to the woodman, and he told his tale right out, from beginning to end, and as he told it the good wife glowered and glowered, and when he had made an end of it she burst out, ‘Thou bee’st but a fool, Jan, thou bee’st but a fool; and I wish the pudding were at thy nose, I do indeed.’
And before you could say Jack Robinson, there the good man sat and his nose was the longer for a noble link of black pudding.
He gave a pull, but it stuck, and she gave a pull, but it stuck, and they both pulled till they had nigh pulled the nose off, but it stuck and stuck.
‘What’s to be done now?’ said he.
‘Tisn’t so very unsightly,’ said she, looking hard at him.
Then the woodman saw that if he wished, he must need wish in a hurry; and wish he did, that the black pudding might come off his nose. Well! There it lay in a dish on the table, and if the good man and good wife didn’t ride in a golden coach, or dress in silk and satin, why, they had at least as fine a black pudding for their supper as the heart of man could desire.
Joseph Jacobs, More English Fairy Tales (New York and London: G. P. Putnam’s Sons, n.d.), pp. 107-9. First published 1894.
Variations on this tale can be found in the folklore of many lands. In some, it’s the wife who gets granted the wishes; in others, the husband requests (and is granted) a rather different kind of ‘sausage’. However, almost invariably, they all end with everyone going back to square one.
Despite this, our cultural heritage is rife with wish-granting witches, generous genies and lavish little people. Our cosmology involves a sky full of gods and goddesses, all bestowing various gifts and favours. Our religious traditions are similarly rich with the promise of a god who ‘listens to our prayers’ and who may sometimes grant our requests. And what would Christmas mean to anyone if it didn’t contain a Santa Claus? It’s the same all over the world. No child is born, in any country on this planet, who isn’t brought up to believe in entities, deities, fairies and angels. In our neck of the woods, it’s supposed to be a sign of sophistication to say you no longer accept the existence of such invisible protectors. The truth, however, is that deep down within us all, there’s a part of us that still has great, childlike faith in some of those mythical spirits.
This book is dedicated to all who are brave enough to admit this…and who actually call for the help of these spirits. It is a book about wishing, a book about asking…and a book about making the impossible possible. Above all else, though, it is a book about learning to be ‘careful what you wish for…’
But not so careful as to make no wish at all!
Table of Contents
CHAPTER 2 What can I do for you?
CHAPTER 3 How should you talk to me?
