you’ll go,’’ Cindy urged. ‘‘If nothing else, next time a well-meaning friend bugs you, you can tell him or her that you’re dating.’’
‘‘That has appeal,’’ Beth admitted.
What she wanted to do was run screaming from the room. Unfortunately that wasn’t an option. Cindy would hunt her down and talk and talk and talk until Beth acquiesced, just to be left in peace. She’d dealt with Cindy’s tenacity before. And if Cindy didn’t convince her, Mike would be back.
She thought about Darren, her wonderful husband. Why’d you have to go and die? She’d asked the question dozens of times in the past eighteen months and not once had there been an answer.
‘‘I’ll go,’’ she said.
‘‘You won’t regret it,’’ Cindy promised.
Beth nodded even though she had a bad feeling that her friend was very, very wrong.
* * *
‘‘I’m a cow,’’ Beth said the following Saturday as she stared at her reflection in the full-length mirror in her bathroom.
Jodi, her beautiful sixteen-year-old daughter, met her gaze in the reflective glass. ‘‘You’re lovely, Mom. And you know you shouldn’t think like that. You’re always telling Matt and me to have positive thoughts.’’
‘‘Good point.’’ Beth tried to turn the litany of negative images around. ‘‘I’m not an ugly hag,’’ she said.
Jodi groaned. ‘‘No, that’s not good, either. How about—
I’m an attractive, vital woman and any man would be lucky to have me.’’
‘‘Easy for you to say,’’ Beth told her daughter as she kissed her cheek. ‘‘Because it’s completely true. Any man would be lucky to have you.’’
‘‘Mo-om.’’
‘‘Okay, okay.’’ She squared her shoulders and returned her attention to the mirror. ‘‘I’ll try to think more positively.’’
In honor of her first date in over twenty years, she’d had her short, red hair trimmed a whole week early. Despite the April humidity, it had fluffed nicely after her shower and her fringed, slightly spiky bangs were even. She’d used a tad more makeup than usual—a smoky shadow that accentuated her blue eyes—and she’de even dug out some old lip liner to help her lipstick last longer.
After eight changes of clothing, including trying on her red dress twice, she’d settled on an old favorite, a cream-and-navy dress with a matching cropped jacket. The round neck flattered her face, and it was cut high enough to not even hint at cleavage. Cindy had been after her all week, advising ‘‘if you’ve got it, flaunt it’’ but Beth had decided her nearly forty-year-old breasts would be more comfortable behind a couple of layers of clothing.
She’d vacillated between pearl earrings and gold hoops, finally settling on the pearls. A simple gold watch, sheer stockings and navy pumps completed her outfit. Cindy had loaned her a small navy clutch.
Her gaze turned critical. There were tiny lines around her eyes, but her skin was still pretty tight, and as clear and pale as it had been at twenty. She would never see a size eight again, but at five feet eight inches, the twenty pounds she’d gained since Darren’s death were fairly easy to hide. If she started her walking again and cut back on the choc olate, she could drop it in a couple of months…or six. Or she might just stay a size twelve.
‘‘You’re beautiful,’’ her daughter said, giving her a hug.
Beth took in Jodi’s copper hair and bright, young smile. ‘‘Thanks, kid. My entire goal is not to make a fool of myself, so I’ll think cool, elegant, sophisticated thoughts.’’
‘‘Hey, Mom, you clean up pretty good.’’
Beth turned and saw her youngest, fourteen-year-old Matt, lounging in the bathroom doorway. While Jodi had inherited her rich hair color and blue eyes from her mother’s side of the family, Matt was his father’s son. Medium brown hair, brown eyes and glasses made him look like a much younger Darren. Beth’s heart still ached when she looked at her son. At first, seeing him had made her miss her husband more, but now being able to see Darren’s reflection in his son’s expression gave her comfort.
‘‘Thank you,’’ she said, then grinned at Jodi. ‘‘That will be my affirmation for the evening. ‘I clean up good.’’’
‘‘I’m ignoring you,’’ Jodi said as she leaned toward the mirror and began experimenting with eye shadow.
‘‘So what time are you going to be home?’’ Matt asked. ‘‘Because we’re having this really big boy-girl party. I’ve ordered three kegs and Jodi promised one of her friends would be the stripper.’’
‘‘Ma-att.’’ Jodi spun toward her brother. ‘‘Don’t joke about that. Mom’s nervous enough.’’ She gave her mother a comforting smile. ‘‘There isn’t going to be a party. Sara is coming over and we’re going to study for our trigonometry test next week. I don’t know what Matt is going to do but he’ll be doing it alone.’’
Matt raised his eye brows. ‘‘I plan to annoy my sister and her friend because Sara always wears really tight clothes and I want to look at her body.’’
‘‘You’re disgusting,’’ Jodi announced, and turned her back on him.
‘‘I’m fourteen and I’m honest. According to my health teacher, boys my age are awash in hormones. I’m just being normal. You’re just jealous because you don’t get to your sexual peak until you’re almost forty.’’
Matt’s gaze turned speculative. Beth knew how his adolescent mind worked and she did not want to have a conversation with her children about the fact that she was just two years shy of forty and therefore close to her supposed sexual peak.
‘‘Did you write your paper for English?’’ Beth asked.
Matt groaned. ‘‘Yeah. I just finished it and left it on the kitchen table. You can look it over, then yell at me in the morning about all the grammar mistakes.’’
She smiled. Her kids were the best part of her life. ‘‘Sure thing.’’ She headed out of her bathroom and started for the kitchen. ‘‘The tuna casserole is going to be ready in about twenty minutes. There’s ice cream and some cake.’’
She paused by the counter. Matt and Jodi had trailed after her. ‘‘Jodi, I rented a couple of movies for Matt. He can use the television and VCR in my bedroom so you and Sara can study in the family room.’’
‘‘Great,’’ Jodi said. ‘‘We’ll be fine. I’m sixteen, and even though Matt’s still a baby, he’s sorta mature.’’
Matt assumed a boxing stance. ‘‘Say that again, sister, and I’ll show you mature.’’
Jodi dimpled. ‘‘You can’t hit me. I’m a girl.’’
Matt groaned. ‘‘Come on, Mom. Just once let me hit
