you cuddle your Auntie Cat,’ she told the baby. ‘Mummy’s going to get herself an enormous slice of cake.’
‘You’re chirpy,’ Cat told Fen on her return, declining the gateaux that Fen had bought.
‘And you look miserable,’ Fen commented, giving Cosima an organic sugar-free rusk. ‘Everything OK?’
‘I feel glum,’ Cat admitted, ‘and I want to be allowed to feel glum. So thank God you’re not Pip.’
‘What’s up?’ Fen asked, spooning butter-cream from the cake’s surface directly into her mouth.
‘I’m not pregnant. I don’t have a job. I don’t like Clapham. Ben’s never home and I wish I’d stayed in Colorado,’ Cat declared.
‘Cat,’ Fen said, ‘you’ve only been home two minutes.’
‘It’s been three months,’ Cat corrected. ‘I’ve had sex forty-two times and have sent out nineteen pre-emptive letters for jobs. Nothing.’
‘Cat, you make the former sound like a chore and you’re being unrealistic about the latter,’ Fen admonished her lightly.
‘And you sound like Pip,’ said Cat, ‘so stop it because I need you to be the one who there-theres me.’
Fen paused to consider this. It was true. Go to Pip for practical advice and accept her authority. Go to Fen for a hug and be assured of some plain sympathy. ‘It takes time,’ Fen soothed, ‘both take time.’
‘You got pregnant overnight!’ Cat objected.
‘It wasn’t planned,’ Fen said.
‘Then it’s not fair,’ said Cat.
Fen looked at her younger sister apologetically and put her hand over Cat’s. ‘Come back to mine this afternoon,’ she said. ‘Let’s look at my books and magazines. There’s sure to be Ten Top Tips For Tip Top Fertility or something.’ Though Fen made it sound as though she was doing Cat the favour, privately she liked the idea of a way out of the mums-and-babies group.
‘What’s wrong with Clapham anyway?’ Fen asked. ‘I thought it was meant to be quite a happening place?’
‘I stick out like a sore thumb,’ Cat said. ‘All the women bustle about with perfect children, or sit smug behind the wheels of their SUVs.’
‘But that’s your goal too,’ Fen said, ‘that’s what you’re hoping for. And actually, it doesn’t sound dissimilar to this part of North London.’
‘But while it’s not happening for me, it makes me feel so isolated,’ said Cat, ‘and it’s made me realize that I really want to be nearer to you. And Pip. I felt less far away when I was living in Colorado – how mad is that? I feel lonely stuck over the river. Ben’s really upbeat about his job but he’s working really long hours. I haven’t made any friends. I miss Stacey and the gang in Boulder. And I miss my mountain.’
‘Your what?’ Fen asked.
‘Flagstaff. Remember that hike we went on? That’s my mountain. You saw where Ben and I lived, Fen. You saw the awesome wilderness right on our doorstep. You filled your lungs with that crystal-pure air. You stayed in our gorgeous apartment. You hung out with our mates. You saw how people drive SUVs out there because of the terrain, not fashion. You had a taste of our quality of life.’
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