been, and even though what he mostly did was go out to the post office or ring venues to check the times of the week’s gigs, he insisted that this was the perfect pathway to literary success. Ben had been saying for a couple of weeks now that he only had to ask and he’d get a proper slot, like a column of his own or something.
‘No. Didn’t get a chance. It was mental there today.’
‘Right.’
Nic stood up. Her shoulders dropped and she reached out an arm and hooked it around him.
‘Thanks for the flowers.’
‘OK. I wish…’ Ben hesitated, lost as he often was for words to express his desire for all to be well, for there to be a safe enclosure for himself and Nic within the only slightly enticing chaos and mystery that the adult world seemed to present. Best of all would have been a house in the country, with a wilderness garden, the sort of place where he and his sisters had been lucky enough to grow up. ‘Well, you know.’
They stood close together, with Ben’s chin resting on Nicola’s head.
‘Are you hungry?’ he asked gently.
‘No. What time have you got to go out?’
Ben earned some extra money from working in the set-up and take-down crew of a smart party organizer. The hours were awkward, but the pay was better than bar work.
‘’Bout four?’
She moved away from him and twisted the daisies out of their paper. There wasn’t a vase, so she splayed them out in a plastic jug and put them on the table.
‘Gina wants me to babysit later.’
Nic worked three days and occasional evenings as nanny to the two small children of a GP, and the other two days she went to college to train in alternative beauty therapies. Their various different commitments meant that Ben and Nic sometimes only saw each other for a few hours a week.
‘D’you want to go out for a walk?’
‘I don’t know. No, not really.’
Ben followed her from the table to the armchair, his movements unconsciously mirroring hers. He was two years younger, but it could seem like much more. Nic sighed.
‘Maybe we could just go to bed for an hour.’
He grinned at that. ‘Maybe. Or, I dunno, perhaps we should do the washing up instead?’
Nic’s fugitive smile flashed at him, making her look like the girl he had first caught sight of at an unlikely party. ‘Hey. Watch it.’
She padded across to the bed as he unlaced his Converse and took off his jeans. Nic lay down just as she was, balling up her small fists inside the sleeves of her jumper. Ben stretched out half on top of her, his hands sliding up her ribcage, but she turned her face away to avoid his mouth.
‘No, Ben, wait a minute, can’t you? Let’s just have a cuddle.’
‘After,’ he muttered, trying to press his knee between hers. His mobile began to ring in the pocket of his jeans. ‘Shit. Better get that.’
He reached a long arm for the phone and studied the display. Then he turned it off. ‘My sister,’ he yawned. He rolled back against Nic but she was lying on her back now, her chin lifted and her eyes fixed on the ceiling.
‘I’m pregnant,’ she said.
Shadows of the plane tree branches moved on the ceiling.
‘What?’
‘Pregnant. In the club. Up the duff. Expecting. Bun in the…’
‘Shit,’ he said again. And then, on a long breath, ‘No.’
Ben shook his head, trying somehow to dislodge this enormous notion before it could settle on him. ‘How?’
‘Oh God, Ben, don’t make this so hard. Can’t you ever meet me halfway? How do you think?’
‘But we always use…well, I know, not every time, but…’
‘There you are,’ Nic said coldly.
‘How do you know? Are you sure?’
‘I got a tester thing. I did it two days ago, and again this morning. You pee on a stick.’
‘And?’
‘It’s positive.’ She spaced out the words, speaking as if to a child.
Ben fell back now and they lay side by side. Then he reached out and found her hand. He laced his fingers with hers, trying to radiate reassurance.
‘It’s all right, baby.’
Nic writhed away from him. ‘Don’t call me that. Just don’t, do you hear?’
There was a choke in her voice that he had never heard before.
‘I’m sorry. Listen. We’ll sort it out. You know, you can get a…’
‘An abortion,’ Nic said. ‘That’s what it’s called.’
‘Yeah, that’s right. I know what it’s called. You could maybe ask Gina what we should do.’
‘No way. She’s so fucking brisk and tidy and sorted, she’s the last person I’d ask.’
‘OK, OK. But there are people. Agencies, and clinics and things. There’s my mum, as well, if it comes to that.’
‘Your mum?’
Nic suddenly began to cry, quite noisily, with her mouth open and tears sliding out of the corners of her eyes. Unable to bear this, Ben hoisted himself on to his knees and knelt over her, gripping her arms.
‘Nic, don’t cry. Please don’t cry. We’ll fix it, we’ll do it together. I’m here, look.’
She looked into his eyes. ‘Will we?’
‘Yes. Of course we will. It happens.’
‘Promise?’
‘Yes. Cross my heart.’
‘I feel so bad. Like it’s a bad thing, a really black wicked thing we’ve done, and we shouldn’t have and everything will be wrong now…’
‘Hush. It won’t. It’s going to be all right, Nic. I promise.’
Ben leaned down and kissed her, tasting the salt on her cold mouth, and it was long seconds before she yielded and wound her arms around his neck.
‘I promise,’ he repeated.
Alpha and Omega
Alexandra
