have to be medically cleared first and I’m supposed to meet with a VA counselor to make sure that I’m not suffering from PTSD because of the accident. I have to have a clean bill of health all the way around before I go back.”
“Well, it’ll be nice to finally get a chance to hang out without all the family drama.”
“Yeah, I’ve been calling Shaw all morning to ask her if I can take her out to dinner or something for her birthday. I’m sure her moronic parents didn’t do anything again and I hate the idea that she probably had to spend it alone. You should get off your lazy ass and come with us if I get a hold of her.”
I started to choke a little. It was on the tip of my tongue to tell him that she most definitely hadn’t been alone, but this was Shaw and, even as close I am to Rome, he didn’t need to know what we had been doing last night.
“Naw, I think she’s had enough of me. I ran into her a few weeks ago and I see her around here and there. I think it’s a nice break for her not to have to deal with me every weekend.”
He laughed a little. “You’re probably right. I’m gonna crash with my buddy Drew since I don’t think my shoulder is up to sleeping on your shitty couch and he has the room, but I’ll hit you up when I roll into town. If I can’t get in touch with Shaw, you and I can go grab dinner somewhere and you can disgust me with all the tales of your latest conquests.”
I rubbed a hand over my tired face and shoved Shaw’s note into the nightstand. I could still feel her hands moving all over me.
“You need to get off your butt and start having some conquests of your own. You’re a hero, dude, chicks eat that stuff up.”
“I’m not like you, Rule; I’m not twenty-two and living life by the seat of my pants. Right now I want to get healthy and finish up my tour without any more dead bodies. I’ve seen the worst humanity has to offer and in the last six years I’ve buried more friends than I’ve made. I get out of the army in less than two years and I don’t know what the future holds for me so nailing every pretty girl in my path is pretty low on my priority ladder. One day you’ll understand.”
He wasn’t wrong. My priorities were very different from his. I made good money, had a ton of savings, and drove a nice car. I was viscerally aware that the majority of my time was spent trying to outrun the shadow of my dead twin. I wallowed in superficial relationships so no one could get close to me, no one could judge me and find me lacking. I sought out girls who were easy, who had zero expectations beyond what I offered—a good time and a few mindless minutes of release. I have never had a girlfriend, and I’ve never let anyone all the way in because I was scared that I wouldn’t be enough once they got down to the core of who I am. I knew it was messed up, knew I was an emotional train wreck, and the thing with Shaw was just bound to make it even worse.
“Whatever. A good time never killed anyone. Call me later.”
I tossed the phone on the bed and went into the bathroom to take care of business. When I went into the living room Nash was sprawled out on the couch watching an early game on the flat-screen. He had a mug of coffee in one hand and a doughnut in the other.
“Morning.”
He flicked his gaze up to me. “What’s up?”
“Nothing. Did you see Shaw this morning?”
He nodded and held up the doughnut. “She left these. So what’s the deal with that? She was in the kitchen this morning, so I assumed she stayed the night with you. I thought you were going to put her in a cab.”
“Where did her roommate end up?” I tried to change the subject as I got my own coffee.
“I offered to bring her back here to wait for Shaw, but she was having a good time so we had a few more drinks, then I called her a cab. She seemed to think it was a brilliant idea that her very intoxicated friend was going home with you. Why is that?”
I grunted and sank down on the couch next to him.
“I dunno. Shaw and I have all kinds of twisted history, who knows?”
“But she spent the night with you?”
“Yeah.”
“And I’m assuming—because I’ve known you since forever—that you didn’t spend the night discussing politics and watching TV?”
I glowered over at him. “No.”
He shook his head and made a tsk-tsk sound. “What were you thinking?”
“I wasn’t, clearly.”
“Dude, she’s not one of those girls. You can’t just have me escort her out in the morning and never talk to her again.”
“Hey, I woke up alone this morning. I didn’t make her go anywhere.”
“But you would’ve and Shaw is way too classy and smart to do a walk of shame. Man, I can’t believe you hooked up with your brother’s girl. You really do have a problem. That’s a whole mess I wouldn’t even jump into no matter how hot the girl was.”
I made a strangled noise and reached forward to put my elbows on my knees. “Let’s just say I don’t think there is any real reason to worry about tarnishing Remy’s memory. I don’t know what was going on between those two for all those years, but after last night there is undeniable proof that they weren’t sleeping together.”
Nash swore and his eyes got wide. “She was a virgin?”
I nodded. I probably shouldn’t be sharing all this with Nash, but I was confused and he was my best friend. I was in over my head.
“She was a virgin and gave it up to you? Holy shit, bro, that’s like a huge deal!”
I sighed. “That’s what I thought, but then she was gone when I woke up. She was pretty trashed last night, so maybe it was just beer goggles and too many martinis that made the choice for her.”
“She seemed fine this morning. I mean, she looked hungover and pretty worked over, but she wasn’t nervous or weird or anything. She called Ayden for a ride and ran out for breakfast while she waited. I dunno, man, she didn’t seem all swoony in love or stalker pissed-off, she just seemed like normal Shaw. Granted, I always thought she kinda had a thing for you.”
I turned to him with a look of bewilderment. “What?”
“She puts up with your shit no matter how bad it is. Don’t you remember that one New Year’s she showed up to get you and you brought home the redhead and her friend? That was a freak show and Shaw didn’t even blink, she just tossed you your pants and told you to get it together. She lets you be all moody, surly, and grumpy and doesn’t even bat an eye—and trust me, dude, that shit gets old superfast. She’s willing to go to battle with the only parents she’s known to show her any love because she wants them to treat you right and quit blaming you for Remy’s death. She isn’t doing any of that for Margot or Dale, and she sure ain’t doing it for Remy. The only person any of that benefits is you. Even as stubborn and self-involved as you are, you have to be able to see that.”
“But she’s Shaw. Perfect Shaw. Even when she was little she was untouchable and aloof. She would be over at the house all
