and demand that he talk to me, but Rome was back in town and commandeered me for dinner. He let it slip that he was crashing at Rule’s for a few days because his other buddy had family in town for the week. My heart nearly devoured itself when I realized Rule hadn’t even bothered to let me know Rome was in town. I very well could have shown up and made a complete ass out of myself in front of his brother and he didn’t even care.
I spent Thursday and Friday sobbing onto Ayden’s mostly unsympathetic shoulder and tried to get through my shifts at work. I was a mess on Saturday morning when I stopped at the bakery to get Gabe and all I wanted to do was run his smug, smiling face over with my BMW.
He tried to lean in to kiss me on the cheek and I pulled away so violently I smacked my head on the driver’s-side window.
“Don’t.” I could almost see the icicles hanging on my voice but I didn’t care. I missed Rule, was mad that I was having to pick between him and yet another family, and pissed that he couldn’t see why I had to do what I did. All week long I had been plagued with visions of his room turning back into a revolving door of sexual conquests and it made me hyperventilate. I could see why he was angry at me, but I hated that he was just shutting me out.
“Come on, Shaw, can’t you at least try to make this weekend pleasant? Our parents would be thrilled if we could just work things out between us.”
I turned the radio on and let Georgia rock from the Drive-By Truckers fill in the void where my conversation should go. I slapped Gabe’s hand away when he reached for the volume control. “Don’t even think about it.”
“Come on, Shaw, we need to talk.”
“No.”
“Stop being so stubborn.”
“Gabe, I’m involved with someone else. There is nothing we need to talk about. The only reason I’m going this weekend is to get my mom off my back.”
“That tattooed punk? You can’t think you have anything serious with him, Shaw. Seriously what are you thinking? You’re going to come home after a seventy-two-hour shift at a hospital and he’s just going to be sitting around waiting for you like some kind of house husband? You really think that’s an accurate description of how your future looks with someone like that? More like you start your residency and as soon as he sees how much you’re gone and how much time he has to spend alone he starts bringing all those girls that were there before you back around. Get real. Guys like that are not in it for the long haul, they’re only there until the shine wears off.”
I bristled because it was hitting a little too close to home for me right now so I just turned the music up louder and did my best to ignore him for the rest of the ride. I made great time, driving faster than I should have but desperate to get out of the confined space with Gabe. He had tried several times to pull me into conversation but each time I upped the volume on the radio until the Truckers were at an ear-splitting level, making it ridiculous to try to talk. He finally got the point and zipped his mouth shut. I practically shoved him out the door without stopping when I got to his house in Brookside. He motioned for me to roll the window down so he could talk to me, but I just gritted my teeth and pulled away with squealing tires.
My parents lived in another gated community in Brookside so as I tooled through town I decided to stop at the Starbucks where I had taken Rule last time I was here and pull myself together. Just to torture myself even further I pulled out my phone and died a little more when it showed no new messages or texts. I didn’t know what to do and I felt like everything I had ever wanted was slipping right through my fingers.
“Shaw? Shaw Landon, is that you?” I looked up from my coffee and stifled a groan as Amy Rodgers barreled down on me. I should have remembered her and this Starbucks went hand in hand.
“It sure is, Amy. How are you?”
She air-kissed my face and gave me a toothy smile. She had never even pretended to be this nice to me in high school, so I was instantly on high alert.
“Oh, I’m good. I just finished beauty school and I’m working in a super trendy, super high-end salon in Denver. You’re living there now, too, right?”
I nodded and I saw her eyes trail over my new and improved hair. “Well, I’m excited I ran into you. I was thinking about looking you up.”
I lifted a brow. “Why?”
She flicked her hair over her shoulder. “Well, I was home a few weekends ago doing laundry and I ran into one of the Archer twins, the one with all the tattoos. Anyway, I remembered that you were close with them and I was wondering if I could get his number from you. I can’t remember which one is which, but lordy was he gorgeous. I heard they moved to Denver, too, and I was hoping I might be able to start something up with him.”
I felt everything inside me turn to ice. I almost threw my coffee in her pretty, perfect face but just barely, by the skin of my teeth, managed to restrain myself.
“Remy died, Amy. It’s just Rule, has only been Rule for almost three years now, and I’m sure he would just looooove to hear from some idiot girl who didn’t even know who he was, just one of the Archer twins. You make me want to vomit, and you’re lucky we’re in a public place or there’s a really good chance I would be punching you repeatedly in the face right now.”
She gaped at me in astonishment as I pushed past her and tossed my coffee in the trash, all taste for it gone. “I’m not giving you his number because he’s mine and if you get anywhere near him I swear to God the things I’ll do to you will be chronicled on Investigation Discovery for years to come.”
I was shaking by the time I got back in the car and it only took a second for the tears to come. I missed Remy, I missed Rule, and I missed Margot and Dale. Rule was right; I didn’t know what it felt like to defy my mother because I never had and now she was just one more person trying to get between me and the person I wanted to be with. I had no trouble laying claim to him with a bimbo like Amy, but my mother, well that was a far bigger fish to fry. I had always known he was worth it—that’s what I was waiting so desperately for his parents to see, but when the time had come to prove it I had done what everyone else did to him and let my mother pressure me into doing something that moved me away from him. I pressed my forehead against the steering wheel and picked my phone back up. I stared at it for a solid five minutes with the car running, trying to think of what to say to him and all I came up with was:
I really am sorry; I never meant to hurt you. I should’ve stayed. I really miss you.
I put it away before I made myself crazy seeing if he was going to text anything back and made my way to my parents’ house. The house was more like some kind of elegant mountain chalet than an actual home. Everything past the gates was elegant and expensive, and as I parked and made my way to the front door I remembered how small I felt next to the grandeur. When Remy had come into my life and taken me under his wing, I had taken the opportunity to spend every second I could at the Archers’. For all their faults, they made a home where it was clear people were loved and cared for. Both my mother’s and my father’s homes had none of that; they were filled with servants and showpieces. As I was led into the living room I was struck again by how very much I didn’t want to be here and how if I couldn’t fix things with Rule after this weekend there was a good chance I was going to have to be committed because I just might lose my mind.
My mother in all her refined glory came at me with a critical eye. There was no hug, no “how was your drive?” no “sorry I missed your birthday, sweetie,” just a quick sweep of her ice-cold gaze from the top of my head to the toes
