tell me about school. I always knew you’d end up teaching. You’re so good with children.”
Karen felt gratified by the unexpected praise.
Victoria stared at her with more enthusiasm than necessary, obviously taking their mother’s cue. “Mom’s right,” she announced. “You’d make a wonderful teacher. You’re enjoying it, aren’t you?”
“Well, enjoying isn’t exactly the word I’d use. It’s, um, a challenge.”
“All children are a challenge,” her mother said pointedly.
“How many days a week are you working?” Victoria asked.
“No more than three. Two’s better, but that’s pushing it financially. Teaching is exhausting and the little darlings couldn’t care less, especially when they’ve got a substitute.”
“Personally, I think teachers are grossly underpaid,” Victoria said.
Her sympathy didn’t go unappreciated, and Karen found herself warming to her sister. “Me, too. What I’m really hoping for is a part in a commercial. I’m trying out for another spot next week. The director liked me the last time and wants to see me again.”
Her mother’s eyes narrowed and she put down her fork.
“Naturally, I’d love a role in a weekly series,” Karen added. “But according to my agent I need a few credits first. She thinks I should get my feet wet doing commercials. Plus, the pay isn’t bad, and there are residuals. Then she wants me to audition for a part in a situation comedy.”
With great deliberateness, her mother smeared a dollop of sour cream on the quesadilla, and Karen saw that her hand shook as she did so.
“Even if you got a part in a commercial, you’d go back to substitute teaching, wouldn’t you?” Catherine asked.
“Well, yes, I suppose, but teaching is only a means to an end for me. I—”
“I thought you were finally putting your college degree to good use. Your father and I paid a great deal of money for your education. You can’t imagine how much it distressed us to hear that you’re more interested in…in cleaning toilets than in making something worthwhile of your life.”
“It wasn’t exactly a housecleaning job,” Karen muttered. “Not that there’s—” She stopped abruptly, forcing herself to swallow the rest of her retort. “I deeply appreciate my education, Mom.” Which was true, but only because it allowed her to support herself while trying out for acting roles.
“Are you seeing anyone?” Victoria asked, once again diverting the conversation to a different subject.
“Jeff and I went out the other night.”
“Jeff Hansen?” her mother asked. “Isn’t he the boy from your high-school drama group?”
“Yes, he’s teaching aerobics classes at Body and Spirit Gymnasium, and wants to get back into acting. I hooked him up with my agent.”
“Oh, dear,” Catherine murmured. “I play bridge with his mother…She was so pleased when Jeff got a real job, and now this.”
“Why do you think acting is such a horrible career?” Karen burst out. “Can you explain that to me once and for all?”
Her mother sighed as though the answer should be obvious. “You mean you don’t know? Just look at the class of people who become professional actors! They’re all involved with drugs and not a one of them stays married. These women get pregnant and most don’t even bother to marry the child’s father. They have babies by a bunch of different men. They take their clothes off for the whole world to see. They have absolutely no morals, Karen—and everyone knows the successful ones sleep with their casting directors. The unsuccessful ones are just unemployed.”
“That’s so unfair,” Karen cried, not caring that she’d attracted attention to herself. “You’re judging me by what’s in the tabloids. There’s more to being an actress than what those headlines scream and furthermore, you can’t believe everything you read!” The only true thing her mother had said was that remark about unemployment, which Karen chose to ignore. “Besides,” she added, “not all actors use drugs.”
“I’ve read about those Hollywood parties with the drugs and sex and God knows what else. I don’t want my daughter mixing with that kind of crowd.”
“Mom, you don’t know what you’re talking about!”
“I do. They’ll lure you in. Weird cults and casting couches…”
“I’m not doing drugs,” Karen insisted. “I’ve never come across a cult, weird or otherwise. And I’ve never even seen a casting couch, let alone done anything on one.”
“What about this director? He wants you to audition for another commercial?”
Karen sighed. “It’s for a dog-food commercial. He told my agent he liked my style and—”
“I’ll just bet he did,” her mother said, lips pinched tight. “Exactly what are you going to have to do for that role?”
Enough was enough. As politely as possible, Karen placed the pink linen napkin on the table and picked up her purse. “I think it’d be best if I left.” She kept her voice expressionless.
“Sit down right now!” her mother ordered. “I won’t have you making a scene by leaving before we’ve finished our lunch.”
Karen reached down for her shopping bag and held onto it with both hands. “If you’re worried about creating a scene, then I suggest that the next time we meet, you refrain from insulting me.”
“All I said was—”
“Thank you for lunch.” Karen did her best to hide her anger—and disappointment. She should’ve known better. Whenever she saw her mother, they always played out some version of this encounter. The simple truth was that her family didn’t respect her and had no confidence in her talent or, apparently, her judgment. And that hurt.
“Karen, wait,” Victoria pleaded, rising to her feet.
Karen shook her head, fearing that if she stayed she’d end up saying something she’d regret.
Chapter Nine
JULIA MURCHISON
“What a wonderful life I’ve had! I only wish I’d realized it sooner.”
—Colette
January 25th
List of Blessings
1 The security of order. Everything neatly in its place. Yarn arranged by color to form a rainbow effect in the store.
2 The welcome feel of my mattress after a long day on my feet.
3 Music and the way it nurtures me.
4 Zoe’s
