back out and made his way around to the driver’s side. He climbed to the right-hand side and, once settled, he focused on the columns of cement that held the roof up and watched them swaying. He hoped they wouldn’t sway on top of his car as he was driving home. That would be both irresponsible of them and an expensive misfortune for him.
After a few moments of trying to get the key into the ignition and scraping the metal around it with the tip of the key, he finally turned it around the right way and it slotted inside. At the sound of the engine he cheered, then pushed his foot on the accelerator to the floor. Finally remembering to look up at where he was going, he screamed with fright. At the bonnet of the car stood a motionless Gabe.
‘Jesus Christ!’ Lou shouted, taking his foot off the accelerator and banging on the windscreen with his bruised right hand. ‘Are you crazy? You’re going to get yourself killed!’
Gabe’s face blurred then, but Lou would have bet his life that he was smiling. He heard a knock, he jumped, and when he looked up he saw Gabe peering in the driver’s window at him. The engine was still running and so Lou lowered the window a slit.
‘Hi.’
‘Hi Gabe,’ he replied sleepily.
‘You want to turn the engine off, Lou?’
‘No. No, I’m driving home.’
‘You won’t get very far if you don’t take it out of neutral. I don’t think it’s such a good idea to drive home. Why don’t you get out and we’ll get you a taxi home?’
‘No, can’t leave the Porsche here. Some crazy will steal it. Some looney tune. Some homeless vagabond.’ He started laughing at that, quite hysterically. ‘Oh, I know. Why don’t you drive me home?’
‘No, no, I don’t think that’s a good idea, Lou. Come on out and we’ll get you a taxi,’ Gabe said, opening the door of the car.
‘Nope. No taxi,’ Lou slurred, moving the clutch from neutral to drive. He pushed his foot down on the accelerator and the car jumped forward with the door wide open, then it stopped, then lurched forward again and stopped. Gabe rolled his eyes and hung on to the passenger door as it jumped forward like a cricket with an anxiety disorder.
‘Okay, fine,’ Gabe said finally after Lou had driven – although driven not being the operative word – all the way to the exit slope. ‘Fine, I said.’ He raised his voice as Lou lurched forward again. ‘I’ll drive you home.’
Lou climbed over the gear stick into the passenger seat and Gabe sat in the driver’s seat with trepidation. He didn’t need to adjust the seat or mirrors as he and Lou, it seemed, were exactly the same height.
‘You know how to drive?’ Lou asked.
‘Yes.’
‘Have you driven one of these before?’ Lou asked, and then began laughing hysterically. ‘Maybe there’s one parked beneath your penthouse,’ he laughed.
‘Buckle up, Lou.’ Gabe ignored his comments and concentrated on getting Lou home alive. That task was very important at this point, very important indeed.
‘So, you caught him speeding again in the car?’ The Turkey Boy lifted his head from where his chin was resting on his hands on the table. ‘I hope you arrested him this time. He could have almost killed somebody again. And what are you doing hanging around the same place in your car all the time? Sounds to me like you’re stalking him.’
‘I didn’t catch him speeding,’ Raphie explained, ignoring the last question. ‘They went through a red light is all.’
‘Is all? I hope you arrested the flashy bastard.’
‘Well, how could I arrest Lou, now, really, come on,’ Raphie explained, sounding like a teacher. ‘You’re not listening. Stop jumping the gun here.’
‘But you’re so bloody slow at telling the story. Just get to the point.’
‘I am, and I won’t tell you the story at all if that’s going to be your attitude.’ Raphie glared at the Turkey Boy, who didn’t snap back this time, and so he continued the story. ‘It wasn’t Lou that ran the red light because it wasn’t Lou that was driving, I told you that.’
‘Gabe wouldn’t have run the red light. He wouldn’t do that,’ Turkey Boy piped up.
‘Well, how was I to know that? I hadn’t met the chap before, had I?’
‘They must have swapped over on the way home.’
‘Gabe was behind the wheel. Mind you, they were so similar they could easily have swapped, but no, I know it was Lou in the passenger seat, totally blazooed with both eyes in one socket.’
‘How come you just happened to catch him in the same place again?’
‘I was just keeping an eye on someone’s house, is all.’
‘A murderer?’ The Turkey Boy’s eyes lit up.
‘No, not a bloody murderer, somebody I know, is all.’
‘Were you following your wife?’ the boy perked up again.
Raphie shifted uncomfortably in his seat. ‘What do you mean?’
‘To see if she’s having an affair.’
Raphie rolled his eyes. ‘Son, you watch far too much television.’
‘Oh.’ The Turkey Boy was disappointed. ‘So what did you do when you caught them?’
‘Hello Sergeant,’ Gabe said, big blue eyes wide and honest. Taken aback by the man’s knowledge of his position, Raphie changed his mind on his tone of approach. ‘You broke a red light there, you know.’
‘I know, Sergeant, I apologise profusely, it was a total accident on my behalf, I promise you that. It was amber and I thought I’d make it …’
‘You broke it well after it was amber.’
‘Well.’ Gabe looked to his left at Lou, who was pretending to sleep, snoring loudly and laughing between snores. In his hand was a long umbrella.
Raphie examined the umbrella in Lou’s hand and then followed Gabe’s gaze to the accelerator.
‘Jesus,’
