role in our early development, it can guide us in our adult transformation. In infancy we watched our parents; we listened, and we imitated. Everything we observed became part of our own pattern of behavior. We tried to walk, we fell down, and we tried again. We learned to avoid pain and move toward pleasure. And what about now, when we wish to change some unpleasant patterns? Why wouldn’t we do everything we can to take care of our physical body and our emotional well-being? We know how it feels to lose our temper and feel regret. It feels awful. We know how shame and guilt make us feel, and yet we still invite them in. Memory can serve us in our efforts to wake up and resist automatic responses. Memory can steer us away from abusive habits, encouraging us to stand up and walk forward with self-respect.
The third and best tool is imagination. Imagination is its own kind of superpower. We picture something in our minds, and then we make it real. In fact, just by imagining something wonderful, the body feels comforted and energized. We can also imagine painful events and horrible consequences. By imagining the worst, we produce fear in the physical body and spread fear to other bodies. We imagine the future and tune out the present. Imagination is power, for sure; but like all power, it can be corrupted.
Right now, we can practice using imagination in a valuable way. We can turn our attention to the exciting task of making ourselves more aware. We can use memory the way it was intended to be used—to keep us from repeating past mistakes. We can imagine things we’ve never tried to imagine. We can doubt what we know and let go of familiar stories. The mind wields enormous influence. It has developed habits over time, but we can change those habits. By using the tools available to us, we can calm the inner chaos and find peace in our virtual world.
You’re not who you think you are. In obvious ways, you’re not the kid you were at four years old, struggling with unspoken fears. You’re not the awkward teen, the rookie at work, or the young entrepreneur. You’re not someone’s significant other or your mom’s favorite child. You’re not the main character of your story or anyone else’s, regardless of how long you’ve played those roles. And you’re not actually the one you call me, who tries to speak for your physical body. You’re not your mind or the set of laws your mind tries so hard to enforce. It has created an entire governing force out of those laws, but that’s not what you are either.
You’re not really the little government in your head, but its laws nonetheless influence your actions and reactions. Sometimes that government seems tolerant; sometimes it’s blind and unforgiving. Either way, me is operating as its commander in chief. Now would be a good time to decide what kind of leader me should be. Now is a good time to take a look at your creation and to make inspired changes.
We were all born to learn, to grow, and to become aware human beings. It was our intention to be the best we could be. Somewhere along the way, we got distracted. Our intentions were derailed. We forgot what it felt like to be authentic. It may seem impossible to escape from our own system of punishments and rewards, but that’s not true. We can bring down the whole structure if we want to.
It’s interesting to see how each of us creates a personal reality. It’s also interesting to see just how far we go to defend that reality. Rather than defend it, we can make it better. It takes a few basic insights to pull off a revolution. First, it’s important to see how the system was put into place. It’s helpful to see how we got here, wherever we are, and what we can do to change our world. We can explore ways to transform the one who’s describing that world to us.
Awareness is the ability to see what is, and it’s never too late to open our eyes.
TO UNDERSTAND THE governing mind a little better, let’s first take another look at the ways in which we’ve been governed throughout our lives. We were each born into a vast community called humanity. Over many thousands of years, humans have created groups, or civilizations, all over the planet. We create groups in order to survive. We agree on certain rules—written laws or ritual customs—so that order can be maintained within those groups. We establish governing bodies made up of respected men and women. We create cities and nations, all run by their own government. Every nation is made of smaller governing bodies, and it all starts with the family.
A family is its own little nation, traditionally composed of a man, a woman, and their children. A family cannot be defined any one way, of course—a family is formed when people of different genders and ages come together in order to provide for the welfare and safety of the group. The group may consist of two people, a dozen people, or many more. Together they create a home, which is an extension of themselves. Every family is regulated by its own government. Families establish rules of conduct, rules that help maintain harmony within the group: “Work hard,” “Look after each other,” “Respect your elders.” They also devise punishments for breaking those rules. The head of a family makes key decisions, setting the rules and enforcing them.
One parent may yield authority to the other, or both parents may share power equally, forming government within the family. You and I were born to different families and grew up in different households. The rules were probably different, along with penalties for bad behavior, but we were both domesticated using a system of punishments and rewards. From the time we were toddlers, we learned there was a price to pay for rebellion. Whoever served as the head the family imposed the rules, using the power of authority.
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