and did things a new way,’ Izzie remarked.
‘Sorry, girlfriend, there ain’t nothing mould-breaking about this story. You think prostitution’s the oldest game around? No, baybee, it’s the love triangle.’
‘I’m a cliché, huh?’
“Fraid so. Tell me, does Uptown Man have a key, or can we hit the grocery store and come back safely?’
‘No key.’
‘Cool. Let’s take our time and make him wait.’
Joe was sitting in her apartment chatting with Tony, the super, when they got back.
Izzie still felt her heart jump when she saw him and even the disapproving presence of Carla and her own vow that she wouldn’t touch him couldn’t stop her moving towards him to kiss him.
‘Honey, I’ve missed you,’ he murmured, holding her tightly.
Briefly, Izzie let herself relax into him, sucking comfort from his presence. Then she pulled back. She shouldn’t have let him come round. She could never resist him in person.
‘You must be Joe,’ said Carla.
‘And you’re Carla – pleased to meet you,’ Joe said, all charm.
She’d seen him charm people before but had forgotten how good he was at it.
Tony had finished up working on the air-con and he left. Joe settled on the couch, leaning back into it, long legs spread, utterly relaxed.
He chatted to Carla about Perfect-NY, and when she began to talk about their idea for setting up their own agency, Izzie silenced her with a look. She’d spoken to Joe about it before, but now, now that she was giving him his marching orders, she didn’t want to talk about it in front of him. He’d only try to invest in the firm and then she’d never be free of him.
Finally, Carla got up to go.
‘Work: curse of the shopping classes, huh?’ she said. ‘Talk to me later?’ she added to Izzie.
Izzie nodded. The two women exchanged a look. Carla shrugged; she knew it was no good trying to persuade her friend to send Joe home. Izzie had to do it in her own time.
‘Just don’t hurt her any more,’ Carla said to Joe, ‘or you’ll have to answer to me.’
‘I won’t hurt her,’ he said.
Carla stared at him and then at Izzie. The look on her face said she didn’t believe him.
They were alone again and when Joe moved over to where she was sitting and began to caress the line of her collarbone under the cotton of her T-shirt, Izzie let him. This is the last time, she thought.
He brushed his lips softly across the silk of her skin and she felt her body curve under his caress.
The last time.
His fingers closed around her breast, making her liquid with desire.
The last time.
He kept her close to him, naked skin to skin, afterwards. He didn’t move to light a cigarette, just held her as if he knew what was in her mind.
‘I don’t want this any more,’ she said, breaking the silence. ‘I want you, sure, but not everything that comes with you.’
‘We can work it out,’ Joe said, still holding her.
‘No, we can’t. I thought a lot while I was away – all I did was think,’ she admitted, ‘and I want what I wanted from the start, Joe: a proper relationship. You can’t give me that and I was stupid to get involved with you in the first place. I knew something wasn’t right.’
There, she’d said it: what she’d barely admitted to herself until now. She’d had the strangest feeling that something wasn’t right and she’d still hoped it might all work out.
‘People being ill or dying always makes us think about our lives, but we can work it out –’ he said.
‘I don’t want to,’ Izzie interrupted. ‘I love you, Joe, but I’m asking you to walk away from me, please. Leave me alone, stop contacting me.’
‘You don’t mean that,’ he said.
Gently, she disentangled herself from him and the bedclothes.
‘I do,’ she said sadly. She leaned down and put a hand on either side of his face, a face she loved so much. If she cried now, she wouldn’t be able to do it and she had to. There would be pain and heartache for a while, but eventually, she’d come out of it.
If she didn’t end it, the pain would drift along for years and it would destroy her. She loved him and she knew she’d put up with anything because of that. Anything.
So now, while she still had the strength, she wanted him to leave her alone.
‘Please go, my love. Just go.’
He stared at her, his face expressionless.
‘You mean it?’
‘I mean it. There’s no future for us.’
‘You’re wrong, Izzie. This is special, what we have. It doesn’t come every day, please don’t throw it away. I just need more time –’
‘It’s not special enough any more,’ she said sadly. ‘If it’s that special, why do I feel so sad?’
He didn’t speak as he showered and dressed, although several times she caught him staring at her as she sat on the bed and watched. Watching the man she loved preparing to walk out of her life was one of the hardest things she’d ever done, but Izzie knew she had to do it. It was her gift to herself, but God, it hurt.
When he was ready, he turned and came to the bed.
‘Goodbye, Izzie,’ he said and bent his head for one last kiss.
At that brush of his lips, Izzie felt her resolve collapse and she bit out the words: ‘Please go, Joe. Leave me alone.’
‘If it’s what you want,’ he said.
‘It’s what I want.’
He went. When the door shut, the apartment seemed to shrink to half its size. With him, it was the centre of the universe. Without him, it was a cage.
He’d left the thin navy silk scarf he’d been wearing, she realised. She picked it up, holding it to her face and smelling the scent of him, then she sat cradling it on her lap like a talisman of their life together. Only then did she allow herself to cry.
Tomorrow, she’d start her new life, but today was for mourning.
A month later, Izzie walked around the enormous loft, taking in the airiness of the space
