and aggressive, and you’re less likely to be kind or sympathetic to anyone you perceive as weak.23 (Men, it seems, are particularly vulnerable to this effect; women tend to see a smaller spike in testosterone after winning.)24 Note: This happens only when you play against strangers, not when you play against friends or family.
You might be wondering, what’s so bad about feeling hostile toward strangers you’ll never meet in real life? It turns out that the feelings of aggression aren’t limited to the period of play. Studies show that the effects of a testosterone surge can impact your decisions and behavior for hours afterward.25 This means that your antisocial feelings toward strangers can spill over and make you more hostile or aggressive toward your real-life friends, family, and coworkers.
It gets worse: while winning against strangers online can temporarily turn you into a bit of a jerk, losing against a distant stranger isn’t particularly good for your everyday relationships, either. The most recent game research suggests that much of the aggression that has long been associated with “violent video games” is actually related to feelings of incompetence after losing.26 Players who feel embarrassed and frustrated after losing a game are more likely to display anger and hostility toward others. This can happen when you play a game alone, or with friends and family, but it’s much more likely to happen when you play against strangers whom you’re unable to synchronize with, mentally or physically.
It’s important to be clear: games like Call of Duty have not been shown to increase hostility or decrease empathy when you play with people you know in real life. In fact, a recent study showed that playing Call of Duty competitively against other players in the same physical space actually decreased aggression and hostility and increased empathy, as much as playing cooperatively did (just as with Hedgewars, the game you read about at the beginning of this chapter).27 For this reason, you don’t need to avoid Call of Duty or any other game that pits you aggressively against other players. They have a host of other benefits that I’ll talk about more in Chapter 4, such as improved cognitive function and better performance in high-stress situations. Looking at the science, and the potential downside of testosterone-boosting victories, I simply recommend that you spend no more than half of your game play hours trying to beat strangers online. You’re much better off, in terms of generating social resilience, trying to beat your friends and family or playing cooperatively with strangers.
Remarkably, and fortunately, negative social impacts seem to occur consistently under only one condition of game play—aggressive, competitive game play against strangers online. All other forms of game play tend to strengthen the bond between players and make you, generally, a more likable person to others. Gaming—in person or with friends and family online—is the perfect way to practice your synchronization skills, increase your social intelligence, and develop more empathy for others. These are powerful abilities you can use in any social environment, inside and outside of games.
MISSION COMPLETE
Skills Unlocked: How to Discover New Allies and Strengthen Your Support System
• To neurologically sync up with someone, play a game together, competitively or cooperatively, in the same physical space. This will activate your mirror neurons, which strengthens your social bonds and increases your social intelligence.
• As often as possible, make time with friends and family for other kinds of synchronizing activity. Anything that naturally leads to physical mirroring, such as walking together, or that requires significant coordination, such as tossing a ball back and forth, will do the trick.
• Start looking for evidence of new allies all around you, by learning to spot the telltale signs of social synchronization. When someone is subconsciously mirroring your body language or gestures, it means they feel a strong connection to you and are more likely to help you in the future.
• To radically increase the number of potential allies in your life, play games or sync up with people who are different from you—in age, culture, gender, or point of view. You’ll not only make new friendships, you’ll also increase your empathy for many more people.
• Find new sources of social support by demonstrating reciprocity through social network games or playful communications. Asking for or offering a tiny bit of help, even if it’s across time and space, is the most powerful social gesture you can make.
• Try not to spend too much time alone playing competitive games against strangers online. It won’t give you any social benefits, and it may negatively impact your empathy and likability to others. If you prefer competitive gaming, make sure to do it on a team, or against your real-life friends and family.
You Are the Hero of Your Own Story
Your Mission
Rewire your brain so it’s easier to motivate yourself, persevere, and succeed.
In video games, we play as heroes. We become conquering space cowboys, warrior princesses, daredevil racecar drivers, or the last survivors of a zombie apocalypse. Even in nondigital games, we strive to be the hero of the day, accomplishing epic feats that amaze. Think about scoring a last-second goal in soccer, or marching a pawn across the chessboard to win a second queen after losing your first.
But do games actually develop our heroic potential? Can games make us more likely to be an inspiration to others, and to achieve extraordinary goals in real life? The evidence suggests yes.
In this chapter, we’re going to explore how games of all kinds increase our character strengths—like grit, perseverance, compassion, and work ethic. We’ll uncover the science behind how games strengthen our real-life willpower and help us change our real-world behavior for the better. We’ll look at the neuroscience of game play—how it changes the way our brains respond to challenge and effort, making us less likely to give up when things are difficult for us. And we’ll explore why certain games make us more likely to rise to the heroic occasion when someone else is in need.
By understanding exactly how games tap into your natural determination and compassion, you can become better able to tap into these heroic qualities—anywhere, anytime.
Let’s start with a game that has a truly audacious goal: to help young people beat cancer.
At first glance, Re-Mission looks like a typical fantasy shooter game. You control a superhero robot named Roxxi, who flies through a twisting-and-turning landscape, using powerful weapons to blow up the bad guys. But despite the 3-D graphics and immersive sound effects, Re-Mission isn’t a typical video game. Look closer, and you’ll notice that Roxxi is flying inside the human body, the bad guys are cancer cells, and her weapons include chemotherapy blasters and antibiotic grenades.
Re-Mission was created by the nonprofit HopeLab for a special purpose: to improve young patients’ adherence to difficult, but life-saving, chemotherapy and antibiotic regimens.
To fight childhood cancers like leukemia, most patients will take oral doses of these medications for two to three years. It’s extremely important for patients to try to never miss a dose. Eighty percent of cases where childhood cancer comes back (instead of staying in remission) are associated with missed medication.
