the plaid shirt she’d pinched from her dad’s wardrobe over her head and adjusted her glasses. She poked her moon-shaped face. Her skin looked sallow. When was the last time she’d eaten vegetables? Her hair, having dried naturally, was almost spherical, in a brown halo round her head. Scraping the remnants from a tub of hair wax, she attempted to flatten it. Mission unsuccessful. Coat, mobile, wallet, keys.
Her phone beeped. Ajay replied:
‘C u in 20.’
Freddie paused at the top of the stairs, undid one more button on her shirt, reached into her bra and hoisted her breasts up and together. No harm in maximising her best asset. Clattering down the shared stairs and out onto the private pathway that ran alongside the Queen Elizabeth pub, which was under their flat. The Elizabeth’s garden – a concrete square strung with half-broken fairy lights – was empty. It didn’t open till 11am. Freddie punched the code into the security gate at the end of the path and walked the back roads to Vacate.
The wet pavement was pockmarked with chewing gum. Takeaway cartons blew into her shins. Her fellow Londoners walked with their heads down, bent against the weather or looking at their phones. Cyclists streamed past. Everything and everyone was on the move. She passed the industrial Dalston Department Store. The pop-up boutiques and restaurants. The try-hards. The wannabes. The sky was grey and oppressive, like a Tupperware lid pressing down onto the tops of the buildings.
Vacate was mostly empty; there was a group of bearded men and childlike girls in polyester housecoats discussing their latest free-form art installation. Freddie caught snippets of their conversation. ‘I’m really pumped over this.’ ‘Daryl’s PR is sick.’ ‘Is this muesli hand-milled?’ How did they afford to live?
Crossing the stripped floorboards, navigating the reclaimed crates that doubled as chairs, Freddie reached the concrete bar. A man with a beard shaped into a squirrel stood polishing baked-bean cans – which were used for glasses. Freddie rolled her eyes. ‘I’ll have a beer please, mate?’
‘Any particular brand – we’ve got some excellent local-brewed, microbiotic, carbon-neutral ales?’
‘Just a beer. In a bottle. The cheapest one. Thanks.’ When she blinked she could see Alun Mardling’s body, except now it was in tweet form. A digital image. Her brain was so used to seeing images framed by her phone, it stored it in her memory alongside Beyoncé memes and artful Instagrams of avocado on toast. She couldn’t shake it. @Apollyon.
‘Freddie?’
The lad looked close enough to Ajay’s profile picture: dark hair, which hung in a long asymmetric fringe over his face, kicking out on the ends like he’d used hair straighteners. ‘Ajay?’
‘Sup?’ He kept flicking his head to keep his hair out of his eyes. Like a shampoo advert gif.
‘Nice jumper.’ She signalled at his 80s knit decorated with elephants and paisley. Didn’t matter. She’d seen what was underneath. ‘Fancy a beer?’
‘Sure, why not,’ he shrugged.
They took their drinks to a small round vinyl-topped table. ‘Thanks for coming out.’
Flick. ‘No problem.’
‘It’s good to meet in person after…’ Freddie thought about the last Snapchat video he’d sent of him masturbating his hard cock. ‘Er…talking so much.’
Flick. ‘Sure.’
‘You work in a bar, right?’
Flick. ‘Yeah. Worked last night. Only had a couple of hours’ kip when you messaged.’ Flick. ‘Couldn’t pass up the chance to see you.’ Flick.
Freddie laughed.
Flick. ‘What was up with your night?’
‘You wouldn’t believe me if I told ya.’ She pulled a strip from her bottle’s label.
Flick. ‘I can imagine. We get all kinds of nutters in the bar I work in.’
She nodded.
Flick. ‘I’m the manager actually. Spend most of my time out back.’ Flick. ‘Working on rotas and shit.’
‘Mmmm.’ She tried to shake the image of her boss Dan from her mind.
Flick. ‘You should come by sometime. I’ll shout you a couple of…’
‘I’m not looking for a relationship right now, just to be up front with you,’ she interrupted him. She didn’t need some boy expecting her to spend all their time together. She needed to focus on work.
Flick. ‘That’s cool, I’m easy.’
‘Ajay?’ Blinked stills of Dan and Alun Mardling vied for her attention. She had to shake this off. She gulped from her bottle.
Flick. ‘Yeah?’ His beer hovered by his lips. His dark eyes looked straight at her.
‘You ever done it in a disabled toilet?’
His face cracked into a huge smile. Flick.
‘Meet me there in a minute. Knock twice.’ She downed the rest of her drink. Just before she reached the hallway she looked back and winked at Ajay. Cheesy, Freddie, cheesy. Whatever. She wasn’t looking for The One. There wasn’t enough time for a relationship. But why shouldn’t she have a release? Some fun?
The disabled toilet was thankfully clean. The smell of bleach gave a sort of swimming pool vibe. A long mirror ran down one wall at right angles to the sink. She practised a couple of poses. Duck face. Leaning over the sink, she could turn back and see the reflection of him behind.
Two knocks sounded on the door. She opened it a crack.
Flick. Ajay squeezed through the door and they both fell against the inside giggling.
‘Shusshhhh!’ She placed a finger against his lips.
He pulled her into him, his hair falling over both their faces. She pulled his T-shirt up and ran her hands over his smooth chest. He was fiddling with her jeans. She yanked them and her knickers down as he turned her and lifted her up onto the sink. She inhaled sharply as she saw her reflection in the mirror. Heck, this could work too. Her shirt was open and Ajay was kissing down, over her breasts, her stomach. He pulled her jeans down further. Kissing up from her knees, the inside of her thighs. She watched his head get closer.
Flick.
She clamped her hand over her mouth to stifle the moan.
19:26
Saturday 31 October
Alun
