But you’ll have to stick to it religiously,’ I said, as we returned to the drawing room. ‘I know you love him, but making him learn how to behave well is actually the kind thing to do. And if he’s aggressive to the other dogs, then tether him for a few minutes; he’ll gradually make the association and stop.’
‘I feel so much better now,’ Caroline breathed as she scribbled down notes. ‘You’ve explained it all very well. Now, I must pay you.’ As she went in search of her handbag I gazed again at her wedding photo. I hadn’t seen her husband on the TV. I’d met him. Definitely…There was no question. But where? Suddenly the phone rang, and I heard Caroline pick up.
‘Oh, that is disappointing,’ I heard her say. The hall was so large, her voice echoed. ‘Well, don’t worry, I quite understand. I don’t know who else I’ll find at such short notice, but if that’s the situation it can’t be helped. Thanks for letting me know,’ she concluded, regretfully. I heard her footsteps, then she reappeared, looking thoughtful.
‘That’s a nuisance,’ she said. ‘We’ve got the village fete here on Saturday in aid of the PDSA. We’re having a dog show as part of it and Trinny and Susannah had agreed to judge it—it includes a fancy dress competition—but Trinny’s just phoned to say that they’re now filming that day and can’t. What a drag,’ she groaned as she got out her cheque book and began to write. ‘It’s going to be very hard to find anyone else and I’m so busy as it is and—’ Her pen had stopped and she suddenly looked at me. ‘I don’t suppose you’d do it, would you?’
‘Me?’
‘Yes.’
‘But I’m not a celebrity.’
‘Well, Daisy told me that you’ve been on TV. And as an animal behaviourist you’d have tremendous authority, plus, quite frankly—’ she grimaced, ‘—don’t take this the wrong way, but I’m desperate. Would you?’ she pleaded.
‘Well…’
‘I just don’t have time to ring round with everything else I’ve go to do, and in any case I know you’d be brilliant, Miranda, and it’s in such a good cause.’ That was true. ‘I’d be so thrilled if you said yes,’ she added.
Why not, I thought. ‘What would you need me to do?’
‘Judge three of the four different categories. We’re going to have the Waggiest Tail, the Dog Most Like Its Owner, the Fancy Dress competition, and finally, Canine Karaoke…’ She handed me the cheque.
‘Canine Karaoke?’
‘Yes, it’s a total scream. Literally,’ she added with a meaningful grimace.
I smiled. ‘All right then. Why not? But can I bring my dachshund?’
‘Of course. Oh, thank you so much!’ She exhaled, smiled broadly, then clapped her left hand to her chest. ‘That’s such a relief. It kicks off at two thirty and we’re expecting a big crowd, so if you could come half an hour before that would be great.’
‘Okay.’ I stood up. ‘Well, I’d better get going.’ And I’d just picked up my bag when I heard the crunch of wheels on the drive.
‘Oh, there’s my husband. He said he’d be back early. Do come and meet him.’
As we walked down the steps, a dark blue Jaguar pulled up next to my old Astra, then Caroline’s husband got out. Trigger and the two other dogs raced up to him, firing off a volley of excited barks. He bent down to stroke them, then straightened up. And as he did so, then walked towards us, I realized why it was that he’d looked so familiar. I felt as though I’d been pushed off a cliff.
‘Hello, darling,’ he said to Caroline, kissing her as he glanced obliquely at me.
‘James, this is Miranda Sweet.’ Now he looked at me directly, with nothing more than polite curiosity, his face a pleasant, inscrutable mask. But in his grey eyes, unmistakably, was a spark of recognition. In that instant, sixteen years fell away.
‘Miranda’s just worked wonders with Trigger,’ I heard Caroline say warmly. ‘Now don’t blush,’ she laughed. ‘It’s quite true.’ My face was aflame; but not out of modesty. ‘Thanks to Miranda, I now know how to stop his bad behaviour, darling.’
‘Really?’ he said. ‘Well, that’s…great.’
‘He’s got a dominance problem, apparently,’ she said with a giggle.
‘Has he now?’
‘He’s got to have his status reduced.’
‘I see.’
‘We’ve got to make him feel less secure.’
‘Is that so?’
‘No more being top dog.’
‘Uh huh.’
‘Well…I’ve got…another appointment to get to,’ I lied, my heart banging so loudly I was afraid they could hear it. ‘I’d better be on my way.’
‘Thank you so much for coming out,’ Caroline said, as I fumbled in my bag for my keys. ‘So we’ll see you on Saturday, then?’ I felt my insides twist. ‘Miranda’s going to judge the dog show for us, James. She’s stepped in because Trinny and Susannah from What Not To Wear had to cancel. Isn’t that nice of her?’ Now I bitterly, bitterly regretted having agreed to do it.
‘Oh…Yes,’ he said with a thin smile. ‘That’s great.’
‘About two o’clock, then,’ Caroline repeated cheerily, as I got in my car. She waved at me; I gave her a feeble wave back, then, sick to my heart, I drove slowly away.
My hands trembled like winter leaves as they clutched the steering wheel. Jimmy. Jimmy Smith—not James Mulholland. He’d changed his name. As for his appearance—he was transformed. No wonder I hadn’t recognized him in the wedding photo. I could have passed him in the street and not known. The mass of blond curls and the light beard he’d had at twenty-one had gone, and he was now clean-shaven, receding, and grey. His frame had filled out, and the frayed jeans and jumpers had become Savile Row suits and striped shirts. Only the voice was the same: the smooth, pleasant voice, and the insolent expression in the pale granite eyes.
As I turned out of the gates, my heart still beating so erratically that I felt dizzy, I recalled Daisy’s words: ‘This is the start of a new phase in your life, and I just know it’s going to be good.’ But how could it be, I thought sourly—how could it be—when I’d just been ambushed by my past? And now I was oblivious to the colours of the landscape as I cast my mind back with a deep sense of shame.
It was half my lifetime ago, but it had remained seared on my mind like a brand. I still remembered every detail of that spring morning with photographic clarity, though as the years had gone by, I’d thought of it less. There was nothing I could do about it, and no-one I could tell; so I’d simply suppressed it, and tried to move on. The fact that I’d had to study so hard had helped in blocking out the pain—even so, it had haunted me for years, and still does. And, strangely, I’d been wondering about Jimmy recently, almost obsessively—and now, out of the
