A Widow’s Story: A Memoir. Joyce Carol Oates
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In fact, I have not misplaced the death certificate. Of several copies hand-delivered to me by Elizabeth Davis of the Blackwell Memorial Home—a gesture of kindness which I will not forget—just one was defiled by Reynard, and has been disposed of.
(Though later, I will retrieve this copy of the death certificate from the trash. For I am fearful of running out of copies—so many parties seem to want one, as if doubtful that Raymond Smith is deceased. That one of the copies exudes a sour cat-smell is unfortunate.)
Many times in a curious breathless trance I have read this Certificate of Death issued by the State of New Jersey Department of Health and Senior Services. You would think from my concentrated interest that I might be expecting to learn something new, to be surprised. Like one digging at a wound to make it bleed I am drawn to reading the sparse information again and again, to no purpose since I have memorized it—
Cause of Death
Immediate Cause
Cardiopulmonary Arrest
Due to (or as a consequence of)
Pneumonia
A minimalist poem by William Carlos Williams!
Now in the dour waiting room of the surrogate court as I reread the death certificate it occurs to me to wonder—is this true? Did Ray die simply of pneumonia, or were other factors involved?
A secondary infection, I’d been told. There is no mention of a secondary infection in the document.
I think that I remember having been asked at the medical center if I wanted Ray’s body autopsied. In whatever haze of confusion at the time quickly I’d said no.
No! No.
Could not bear it. The thought of Ray’s body being mutilated.
I know!—the body is not the man. Not “Ray.”
And yet—where else had “Ray” resided, except in that body?
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