made Karli giggle. And whenever he giggled, that seemed to cheer Marlene up a lot. Karli and that elephant became the best of friends. It was the highlight of Karli’s life when Mutti took us in to see Marlene. They were so alike, those two – Marlene and Karli, I mean. Naughty, inquisitive, funny. Karli would talk to her as he fed her, as he led her about by her trunk. Like the best of friends, the best of soul mates they were.
If I am honest I think I was a little jealous, and maybe this was why I was heartily sick of hearing Mutti going on and on about her confounded elephant. And here she was doing it again.
“Do you hear that, Elizabeth?” she said, grasping my arm. “It is Marlene! I am sure that is Marlene trumpeting again. She hates to hear the wolves howling. I’ve told her that they won’t harm her, but she is all alone at night, when I am not there, and she gets frightened. Do you hear her?”
“For goodness’ sake, Mutti!” Even as I was shouting at her, I knew I shouldn’t be. But I couldn’t stop myself. “There is a war on, Mutti, or hadn’t you noticed? Papi is away at the fighting. He’s probably lying there dead in the snow in Russia right now. In the city there are thousands of people starving in the streets. And all you can talk about is your precious Marlene. She is just an elephant, a stupid elephant!”
Mutti turned on me then. “And if I talk about the war, will it bring Papi home? Will it? Will the bombing stop? Will the Russians and the Americans turn round and go home? I do not think so, Elizabeth. We are losing this war, and do you know what? I don’t care. What can I do about it? Why should I talk about it? How can that help? All I can do is look after my children and look after my animals, and I will do both, to my dying breath. To Marlene, I talk about you and Karli. To you, I talk about Marlene. Is that so terrible?”
I had never seen her like this, and at once regretted my cruel words. We cried then, and clung to one another in the dark of the garden. It is strange how a moment like that can change things around. Until then, I had simply been her child, her daughter, and she my mother. Until then, we had confided in one another very little. Suddenly, we were opening our hearts to each other. This was when she told me what it was that had been troubling her so much.
“For weeks now, I have not been sleeping at nights, and do you know why this is, Elizabeth?” she said. “It is because I should be worrying about Papi, and you and little Karli. And I do, I do. But not enough, and this makes me feel so bad. There is always something else I am thinking about because it is terrible, so terrible that I cannot put it out of my mind.”
“What, Mutti, what?” I asked her.
She led me away from the house then, to the garden bench set against the back wall – the bench where she and Papi always used to sit on summer evenings when they wanted to be alone. Karli and I used to watch them from our bedroom window, and always wonder what they were saying. Sometimes, I remember, little Karli would pretend to smoke, mimicking everything that Papi did, until he had us both in fits of laughter. I think it was the first time I had ever sat there on the bench with Mutti. I was in Papi’s place, and it felt very special.
Mutti held my hand tight as she talked to me. “The Herr Direktor at the zoo, Elizabeth, he called us in together, all the keepers, everyone – this was a month or two ago. He told us he had something very serious to tell us. Until now, he said, Dresden has not been bombed. Almost all the big cities in Germany lie in ruins: Berlin, Hamburg, Köln. Thousands upon thousands are dead. Only Dresden has been spared. But sooner or later, he told us, the bombers are sure to come, and so we have to plan for this. So far we have been lucky, but our luck cannot last for ever. Why should Dresden be special? When the bombers do come, we are well prepared. We all have basements or shelters to go to, and they are deep, so deep that many of us will have a good chance to survive. We know where to go. We have all done our air-raid drill. But the animals, he said, have nowhere to go, nowhere to hide. If the zoo is hit by the bombs – and in a raid this is very likely – then it is possible that many of the animals might escape from their cages and find their way into the city. The authorities say this cannot be allowed to happen.”
“What will they do with the animals then?” I asked her. “Will they take them away to somewhere safe?”
“I am afraid not,” Mutti replied. “The Herr Direktor told us that very regrettably, it has been decided that we must destroy most of the animals, especially the big carnivores, the lions and tigers and the bears, and also the elephants – any animal that might be a threat to the people in the city. I know this is a dreadful thing to have to do, he told us, but if the worst comes to the worst and the bombers do come, then we shall just have to do it. We have no choice. We should prepare ourselves. That is what the Herr Direktor said, Elizabeth,” she cried, almost in tears by now. “To prepare ourselves! How can I prepare myself to stand by and watch them shoot Marlene? Tell me that. I cannot bear the thought of it, Elizabeth. I just cannot.”
“And will the bombers come, Mutti?” I asked her.
She did not reply at once. “I am afraid so, Elizabeth,” she said. “If I am honest – and I think you are old enough for me to be honest with you – I can see no reason why they should not come. Sooner or later they must come. We all know this.”
I think I had never been so frightened in all my life as I was at that moment. Mutti tried to comfort me all she could.
“I should not have told you, I should not,” she whispered, holding me close. “But do not worry. Whatever happens, I shall look after you and little Karli. The air-raid sirens will give us plenty of warning, and the shelter is very near, isn’t it? And it is so deep that the bombs cannot reach us down there. We have practised it so many times. We shall survive this, I promise you. You, me, and little Karli. They can send all the bombers they like, and we will survive. And I make you another promise, Elizabeth. I shall make sure also that Marlene survives with us. I will not let this war take from me all those I love.” She wiped away my tears then, as she held me at arm’s length, brushing the hair from my eyes. “Believe me, all will be well, Elizabeth. Now let us go inside, and say our goodnights to Papi.”
So that is what we did. In the morning all three of us found ourselves together in Mutti’s bed. Mutti said she had slept better that night than for a very long time. At breakfast, she told us that from now on that is how she would always like us to sleep – together. She was happier than I’d seen her in ages, and so was I. As we left the house that morning, she kissed me goodbye, and then whispered something in my ear as she hugged me. “I have had an idea, Elizabeth, in the night, a wonderful idea, a grand idea. A secret.”
“What?” I asked.
But she would not say any more.
On the way to school with Karli that day, I heard the sudden throbbing drone of planes overhead. I felt a warm shiver of fear crawling up my back. Then Karli was leaping up and down, and waving wildly.
“They’re ours!” he cried. “They’re ours!” And they were too. This time.”
IT SEEMED TO ME, AS I WAS LISTENING TO LIZZIE, that she was living every moment of the story again in her head, even as she
