a certain amount of moussaka flew off Simon’s fork. By the end of the meal a small pile of mince, cheese, and assorted vegetables had amassed in his lap.
While they ate the conversation centred around Sophy and what she had been doing at school, who her best friends were this week, and what she wanted to do during the forthcoming holidays, at the mention of which Arabella went slightly pale. She seemed distracted, half an ear turned to listen for the twist of Michael’s key in the lock. By the time they cleared away the dishes, Michael had still not appeared.
As Bella came back to the table with two coffee mugs and a cafetiere, Sophy looked at her expectantly.
‘Can I do it now?’ she whispered.
Bella sighed. ‘Go on, then.’
Sophy slithered off her chair and was gone in a lightning movement. Daniel the Spaniel lazily got up and padded off to see where she had gone. Simon and his sister were alone again.
‘Thanks for doing this,’ said Arabella. ‘You’re very patient with her.’
‘Not at all,’ shrugged Simon. ‘I enjoy it. She helps me sometimes, when my enthusiasm for the wonderful art of prestidigitation wanes a little.’
Bella poured the coffee. ‘Well, I still say you’re very kind.’
‘I would have said the same about you until you pulled that stunt about her party,’ said Simon.
Sophy ran back into the kitchen. She carried with her a glass and a pack of cards. She looked at her mother. ‘Can I use milk this time?’ she asked.
Bella nodded. ‘You can this time, as it’s Simon, as long as you promise to drink it afterwards.’
Sophy nodded.
‘All right, then. In the fridge.’
Sophy turned and went to the fridge, pulled a carton of milk from inside the door, and returned to the table.
‘This trick,’ she announced, ‘is magic.’
‘OK,’ said Simon. ‘Good start.’
Sophy picked up the pack of cards and tried to spread them into a fan as best as her tiny hands would allow. ‘First of all,’ she said, oddly formal, ‘please choose a completely ordinary playing card from this completely ordinary pack.’
Simon took a card.
‘Thank you,’ said Sophy. There was a pause.
‘Shall I look at it?’ prompted Simon.
‘If you like,’ replied Sophy.
‘I will, then,’ said Simon, and glanced at the card he had chosen. It was three of diamonds. He held the card to his chest.
‘Now give the card to me,’ said Sophy, who had put the rest of the pack back down on the table.
‘What,’ said Simon, ‘just like that? On its own?’
Sophy nodded. With a shrug, Simon handed it over. Sophy took the card and turned it over. Hang on, Simon wanted to say, that’s cheating. Instead he asked, rather petulantly, ‘Now what?’
‘And now, the miracle,’ announced Sophy. She opened the carton of milk and poured milk into the glass until it was full to the brim. Simon realized which trick she was going to do. He relaxed.
‘As you can see, I have poured this completely ordinary milk into this completely ordinary glass,’ explained Sophy.
‘Indeed,’ said Simon.
‘Now, I shall take this completely ordinary playing card that you have chosen and place it over the glass of milk.’ Sophy carefully slid the card over the rim of the glass so that it covered the mouth of the glass completely. As she did so her tongue stuck slightly out of the corner of her mouth in concentration. Simon waited. Sophy moved around the table next to where he sat. ‘Now watch very carefully,’ she said. She placed one hand over the playing card, and turned the glass upside down. The milk stayed in the glass, kept there by the pressure of the card which Sophy was still holding in place. Simon applauded as best as he could with one hand.
‘Amazing,’ he said.
‘Hang on,’ said Sophy, edging a little closer, her eyes fixed firmly on the glass. ‘Do you want to see something really amazing?’
‘More amazing than that?’ asked Simon, who knew what was coming next.
Sophy nodded.
‘Go on then,’ said Simon.
Very slowly, Sophy took her hand away from beneath the playing card. The card, and the milk, stayed where they were, apparently defying the laws of gravity.
Thank God, thought Simon, and said, ‘Wow.’
Sophy beamed. ‘Do you like it?’ she asked.
‘Like it?’ said Simon. ‘It’s the most extraordinary thing I’ve ever seen. You’re a genius. Superb.’
Sophy smiled and took a step towards him. ‘Thank –’ she began. Before she could go any further, her movement disrupted the finely-balanced principles of physics that the trick relied upon, and the card fell away from the mouth of the glass, swiftly followed by the milk itself, most of which landed on Simon’s lap.
‘Sophy!’ cried Arabella. She moved quickly to fetch a roll of kitchen paper. Seconds later the mopping up process had begun.
‘Sorry,’ said Sophy, who was still clutching the empty upside-down glass.
‘Are you all right, Simon?’ asked Arabella.
‘A bit wet, but I’ll live.’ The milk had begun to seep through the material of his trousers, which were now cold and clammy against his skin.
Arabella groaned. ‘I’m sorry. I should have made her be more careful. Sophy, say sorry to Simon.’
‘I just did,’ Sophy pointed out.
‘Then say it again.’
‘Sorry, Simon,’ said Sophy.
Simon smiled grimly. ‘That’s all right, Soph. It was still a good trick.’
Arabella was joined under the table by Daniel the Spaniel who began to lap up the remaining milk with his over-sized tongue. When he had finished he lifted his nose into the air, and, smelling more milk, unceremoniously put his snout into Simon’s groin and began licking again.
Simon pushed Daniel away as quickly as he could, and put his bandaged arm down to shield his groin from further canine investigation. Some weekend, he thought. It began with the promise of new social frontiers being conquered. It ended fending off offers of oral sex from a mentally retarded household pet.
Arabella sat back down at the table, the clean-up completed. ‘Sorry about that,’ she said.
Simon
