Courteguay, once known as the General Lucius Noir Hospital and Chiropractic Clinic.
The Gringo Journalist’s handwriting is extremely bad, consequently I have to get so close I occasionally breathe on his neck and ear, distracting him momentarily from his task. Even though I am indeed a wizard and as such can routinely be in more than one place at a time, I cannot influence what this author is putting down. However I can and will be certain to correct erroneous information, which I’m sure will keep me very busy.
This gringo is hardly qualified to write even a novel set in Courteguay. He once spent two weeks there as the guest of a famous baseball scout named Bill Clark who worked for the only Major League Baseball Club in the True South. The Gringo Journalist spent the entire two weeks whining about the humidity, the accommodation, the unpaved roads, the presence of the military at the baseball stadiums, and did not pick up his fair share of the bar tabs.
The one afternoon the famous baseball scout left him unattended he hired a taxi and attempted to cross the border into Haiti in order to investigate the origins of the infamous Dr Lucius Noir, who was dictator and El Presidente of Courteguay during several of the years the gringo wishes to write about. The famous baseball scout, not wanting to be responsible for the permanent disappearance of the gringo, had stopped by Haitian Customs and told them that the gringo had once called Baby Doc Duvalier a pig, green pig to be exact, un cochon vert, and had said even worse things about his father, Papa Doc Duvalier. Haitian Customs denied the Gringo Journalist permission to enter, and spat on the back bumper of the taxi as it turned around. The Gringo Journalist suffered from nausea and stomach cramps the final three days of his stay.
The twins were my first personal triumph as a wizard. I think that, as an author, the Gringo Journalist could have spent a little more time on the gravity of that situation. If gravity is the right word. You see, one simply does not say ‘I am a wizard’, and suddenly everyone treats you with the deference and skepticism that such a proclamation deserves and entails.
I remember once, not too long after my arrival in Courteguay, I had gotten myself into a rather precarious situation; it is a universal truth that gamblers who cannot meet their obligations are known to have their kneecaps broken, or worse. I was being approached by several sleek young men who had unexpectedly won a considerable number of guilermos from me because a no-account pitcher for a no-account baseball team had pitched a one-hitter against the San Barnabas Beasts, playing at home in the Jesus, Joseph and Mary Celestial Baseball Palace. I honestly did not have the guilermos necessary to pay my debts and was prepared for the worst when, as the young men, lean and vicious as coyotes, approached me, I flung open my shirt to display the gardenias growing from my chest hairs. The young men studied me, sniffed the air, glanced at each other with amber eyes. Without words their consensus was that a lucky flower would more than compensate for their financial loss. The only pain I suffered was from the flowers being ripped unceremoniously from my chest.
But what transpired was much more than being forgiven a debt, it established my credentials as a wizard. Word of a new wizard travels faster than pink eye, and within a day my reputation was known in both San Cristobel and the capital, San Barnabas. Though it took many more years before I could be a successful and nonchalant wizard, I, like that rookie pitcher who threw an unexpected one-hitter, had established my potential. No one would ever dismiss me at a glance again.
What transpired pertaining to the birth of the Pimental twins was secondary, for though it was perhaps my greatest triumph, my life was not endangered if the outcome was not magical or spectacular, or both. There is the story of the famous American golfer who, when asked if he didn’t get very nervous when putting for hundreds of thousands of dollars, replied that nothing serious happened if he missed one of those putts; nervous, he said, was playing a wise guy who could have your knees broken, and putting for a hundred dollars with nothing but lint in his pockets.
There is a certain heat in the city of San Cristobel. The daytime sky is always high and white, a carnivorous sun reflects blindingly off whitewashed adobe walls. Heat waves bounce from the walls and the red dust of the streets, until the air looks like it is filled with wavy spider webs.
The heat of San Cristobel saps the strength. Birds fall silent. Insects drone like overloaded aircraft. The heat of San Cristobel touches the mind. Eyes squinting against the fierce glare do not always see what is before them. The heat of San Cristobel is a magician pulling rabbits from hats, birds from concealed pockets, coins from ears. The temperament of the land is regulated by heat. Sudden and casual violence is a way of life, flaring like lightning, as quickly forgotten.
There are rumors in San Cristobel that Dr Lucius Noir while he was El Presidente of Courteguay could command lightning to strike his enemies.
I’ve also been told of a woman who sold lightning, claimed she had learned the trick in Haiti. For a fee she would sell a lightning bolt from the storm that perpetually dumped torrents of rain on San Cristobel every evening. Your personal lightning bolt would strike wherever the buyer desired. But, as with all magic, there were risks: if the mood of the people was bitter, sellers of lightning were sometimes stoned, other times tied to trees and burned alive.
It is said that nothing in San Cristobel has ever been exactly normal. At least not since baseball arrived, the accoutrements carried by a ragged, starved, fiery-eyed fanatic with a few chittering baseballs in a canvas bag, hanging from a bat. I have heard the Wizard’s own story, but there is great confusion over whether a man named Sandor Boatly ever existed let alone brought baseball to Courteguay.
Easier to remember is the Wizard descending from the sky in a multicolored balloon, distributing baseballs like party favors. In this part of Courteguay, time is measured since the arrival of baseball. It was not all that long ago, and one or more of the versions of Courteguayan History begins just before the first baseball season. Those who remember the event, or claim to remember, sometimes refer to it as the Teaching Time. After-history being almost as interesting as history itself, the stories told by liars are often more entertaining, contain more truth than those told by people who actually witnessed events.
From the research of the Gringo Journalist:
A FIRSTHAND ACCOUNT OF BASEBALL COMING TO COURTEGUAY
The Teaching Time, perhaps a year, perhaps considerably longer, depending on whose story you believe. It is speculated that Time in Courteguay began on the opening day of the Courteguayan National Baseball Association, at the moment when the Old Dictator, who may or may not have been Octavio Court (I have so far been unable to determine if there ever was an Octavio Court, so ephemeral is his memory, so steeped in fog the short history of Courteguay), threw out the first pitch at Jesus, Joseph and Mary Celestial Baseball Palace, in San Barnabas, inaugurating the four-team league encompassing two teams each from San Cristobel and the capital city, San Barnabas.
During the baseball season, a cloud in the early evening sky is an occasion. The temperament of the land is regulated by the heat. The season, which is theoretically year round, is curtailed during the rainy months by hurricanes and torrential downpours, but not shut down. I am told that there was a law enacted against rain falling before nine in the evening, (but who enacted it?) a time when all but the longest extra-inning game was in the records and the fans and players had safely returned to their homes.
Sandor Boatly, the Wizard, as well as some historical sources, claims that Boatly demonstrated baseball by first teaching a would-be player to hit, first grounders, then flies. Boatly then played at every position
